I’m just tired of never being chosen. I’m like a spot filler. I’m so tired of my heart being broken. I’m tired of going g so far beyond what I’m actually comfortable with just to feel wanted for a minute even if it’s just all in my head I guess. Even at work. I try to be nice and buy lunch for people and now it’s expected. She literally asked me today “ soooo are you gonna buy us lunch today” why am I so weak that I can’t say no? Also they took my lunch box because they needed it. Took out my stuff out and just took it without asking me at all. I offered to work tomorrow because she has a kid and mine are grown. She did say “ are you sure” at least but when I said of course and to enjoy her Easter I didn’t even get a thank you. I’m tired of being married to a man that complicates my life. I’m raising him too it feels like sometimes. I can’t leave. There’s no way at my age to be able to start over again. I can’t afford to be on my own. I’m stuck in this hell.
Recent Rants
Whispering to me while on the phone with his friends or family, like he doesn’t want them to know I’m there. I haven’t met anyone and now I’m starting to feel like I’m not worthy enough to meet the people in his life and that he’s just hiding me now.
i feel like no matter how much my life changes nothing gets better. i switched schools recently to get away from my bullies, but they still constantly bother me and fill up my mind with unwanted thoughts, and my anxiety is not getting better at all, even if thats what i tell everyone. i tell everyone my life is getting so much better, when in reality, it doesnt feel like that at all. for sometime i can feel really happy and content with my life, then the next day it just crashes down for me and i feel incredibly depressed. i think i might have bipolar disorder but im really fucking scared to tell anyone. when i told my mom i think i have anxiety, she just said “everyone has that sometimes, it goes away, ive had it too”. she doesnt get it and i dont feel like my dad would either. i know they both love me but it feels like theyre not acknowledging my feelings and listens to me. i cant tell anyone else either cause i dont feel like they understand. i just feel like an alien to my own home
basically my brother comes to me and tell me he has a project, SPENDS 5 HOURS ON JUST 7 SLIDES, MIND YOU i have STUDIES, im constantly studying non stop for college preparation and I'm currently handling research interviews so theres no time for ANYTHING AND MY PARENTS DON'T BELIEVE ME EVEN THOUGH THEY SAW ME IN 15 MINUTE LONG INTERVIEWS)).so im telling him shortcuts to finish faster (ex. Ctrl z to undo etc.) He doesnt listen AND SPENDS LONGER AND LONGER. He finishes and decides to spends another HOUR TO DO TRANSITIONS ON HIS PRESENTATION. i tell him ill do it for him. I finish it in five minutes and send it to him, he goes out of the room. Tells my mom i was treating him unfairly and that im being over dramatic. She decides the same night shes buying him a PC ( SOMETHING IVE BEEN BEGGING FOR SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL) and said im an ungrateful brat and that I'm disrespectful and I'm ruining my brothers masculinity and that they'll buy him all the stuff he wants and I should just fuck off
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
Why do I always feel like this? This gnawing feeling inside of me. The feeling of being alone. Even if a lot of people surround me, I still feel it. It's like I yearn for something more..
So 4 yrs back when I was in grade 10, we were preparing for graduation ceremony. My roll no was in beginning and few of us who were before in order had a para of description on our personality (ONLy) written by our teacher. So cliche mean girls group were dissatisfied because our teacher became lazy and they had 5 lines about themselves. So after hearing their complaints our teacher added their academic and sports achievements. The ppl in beginning including me who had para of description was short compared to theirs. So teacher asked me what's my achievements, I was avg student who wasn't active in sports too. So she asked my talents, I said I'm really good in crocheting and embroidery. Everyone laughed at me, they said it's not a talent just a granny hobby! They further proceeded to ask if I had won medals or any competition, I said only medal I won was in slow cycling race. Again they laughed, the mocking and pitying looks I got that day shattered my vulnerable confidence.
I’m ruining everyone’s already horrible life. I’m scared I’m losing/driving away one of my best friends
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
my life is so much better when people don't talk to me. I want to kill people who stare at me and who judge me based on my appearance. I want to fucking kill people because they always think I am something I am not. I can't stand it. like fuck off. I am aware I can't control people and I am not trying to. I am not even saying I want to. I just want people to go fuck themselves and fuck off. I didn't asked to be stared at and I am not asking to be fucking judged for my appearance. I can do whatever I want. fuck you. I want to kill people who have opinions of me. man fuck you because it's always so negative. I want to kill people because they are so stupid. I want to kill people because they question my gender. I want to kill people because they make assumptions and jump to conclusions about me. I know, I get it's out of my control, but I want to fucking kill them sometimes. I just wish people weren't so fucking stupid. my gender is none of your business. I am not transgender stupid.
I think angels are bad if they come from God. I hate God and Jesus. Everything that comes from God is bad. I hate people who shove things down my throat. I think they are fucking stupid. I hate the people who think that someone is watching over you because that makes me want to kill people even more. I hate people who have a problem with what I am saying because I am not there to please others. I hate people who tell me "that's life", I mean fuck you. I never asked you for your opinion anyway. the fucker who said it acted like he had all the answers and he didn't respect me. I mean people have to fucking respect me or else I am going to fucking murder them. I have more homicidal thoughts because of people. people just disgust me and I want to kill them for it. I am so mad and that's why I want to kill people. wanting to kill people comes from rage and hate. I am so fucking mad because people bother me and I don't like how people talk to me. I want to kill people who say get over it.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
Should I leave online stan? Cuz idk even if I have a lot of friends there, I still feel lonely. If I leave, nothing will really change.
Funny how I've never heard "I'm here for you, I'll listen" Being said to me but I've always said it to my friends. And funny how no one checks up on me and I have to be loud just so someone knows I'm not okay.
Have you ever felt like no one really knows you? Not just the "you" But the deepest part of you. Cause I did, I felt it. Rn, I'm feeling it. And I'm starting to feel like it is true, that no one know me. How? Well, idk if you know the trend "kabisado" but it's basically like "what have you memorized about me" Or something. So I did that, all I actually did not get any serious answer, it's only jokes. And you might call me sensitive or what but yk, even my best friend only said "ragebaiting" That's common, everyone knows I love ragebaiting. But no one knows I get sick easily, no one knows I shut down everyone when I feel down, no one knows I'm craving for a deep conversation, no one knows that I love my personal space, no one knows I sometimes don't have the energy to talk or even chat and I just wanna read all day. No one knows. All they knows is the happy, full of humor, easy going, extroverted me, when in fact, I'm an introvert. No one really knows :(
"You deserve better" "He's too weird" "I don't like him" "Your parents don't even like him" "You're too young to know what love is" I DONT CARE! I'm not perfect, he treats me like it. I'm weird too. I don't care if anyone else likes him. My parents like 3 of my friends, out of at least 15. Love is not numbered, there is no handbook to tell you what age to fall in love or what age is okay. He makes me happy, listens when I'm speaking, respectful when I mess up and apologize. He knows my traumas, what triggers them, apologizes if he triggers anything. He talks to me like a friend, but treats me like his world. And once he messed up EXTREMELY, but I forgave him. He came back after letting me process with a genuine apology saying he didn't expect me to trust him, that he wanted to EARN his way back into trust. I love him. Im obsessed. But I'm proud, and for the 1st time in 6 years, I'm truly happy. And I'm so tired of people telling me to just leave him like that is so easy. So, so tired.
Feeling the same?
Need to rant? Let it out. Anonymous.
My mom said I should've died when I was a baby. I was a very weak baby and I have acute asthma, so there were multiple times that I had to stay in the hospital due to an asthma attack. I wonder how long she's been feeling that way.
I think im being sexually assaulted by the grandfather. Second time waking up to him touching my chest and private areas. Im do fucking stressed its not a joke, i cant fall back asleep.
I've gotten attached to some people. Even called one of them my best friend. And I know that's stupid of me, because it's not like they're going to stick around. No one ever does. They'll get bored or sick of me and walk out, or just use me and have no interest beyond that. Might even actively turn on me; that's the usual path. Doesn't help that I'm also getting sick of living. I don't want to die, but I'm tired of being alive. I just want everything to stop.