All Rants

My parents are so incompetent. We got evicted from our house last year in January and the only time they ever went searching for a house was mid to late summer last year. All they do is spend money on themselves whether it’s alcohol, cigarettes, weed or takeout. I have to sleep on my grandma’s couch with absolutely no space for myself and get waken up everyday because kids are either being loud or the bright ass sun beaming down my face. My dad also quit his well paying job at a company that gave him so many benefits, bought a BMW that you had to manually fix, and a another car that had issues before spending hundreds of dollars on useless repairs before ultimately scrapping the car. There’s barely anything to eat because I’m sharing a space with my 2 younger cousins, my aunts, my grandma, and my 2 younger siblings and my parents are more focused on themselves and their own lives.

It's Easter day. I really thought I'd have a good day after busting my ass at work for more than 7 days straight. I was really looking forward to this day. Planned alot but couldnt get anything done. A completely disappointing day. My life is truly full of bad luck. I've never had good luck anyways.

im scared of men i hate them, not all, some are just disgusting today i was playing a multiplayer game then i meet an indian boy he was nice at first we talked and all then he said to let him see my face as he sent his pic i did too i trusted him as how nice he was we talked some minutes then he asked me to be in a relationship with him i kindly refused then he started talking about the topic of the the brown or asian girls inappropriate pics made with ai getting sent on social media then he told me that he is one of them and he will make pic of like this and post on media and i was scared i told him to not. he threatened me with that to sent him "those" pictures of mine i was scared i was lying to him for that but that didn't worked he told me he would make those i got so scared that i was having a panic attack i could not even tell my mother she was in other city for her work for a day i deleted the app and even deleted my pinterest with trembling hand i don't know what to do now

I'm distracting myself in class. Not really a problem because i'm doing quite good in school and getting good/high grades, but i'm not perfect anymore like i was. i was the girl who knew how to do everything. I was the girl who only was innocent and had good grades and never ever forgot homework. but it's tiring. My friends vent to me. About how nobody likes them, about how everybody likes me...i feel bad. not only because they don't like themselves, but because i'm thinking of just uhmmm vanishing into thin air yk and I feel like a terrible person because i should be grateful that everyone in class "likes" me, even the ones who i don't like. i want to prove i'm not perfect, prove them that not everybody likes me. but I am kind of. except perfect. I hate myself because i wanna die. Wanting to die, having these thoughts, is the reason why i hate myself. I'm trying to cope by acting as this silly girl online. to hide im young. To hide the fact i relate to Sayori in every sense now.

Part 3 anyways, one of the 2 people who didn’t have anything to do with the situation happened to be the grown ass man who I had an obsession with. It was not a crush, it was not a small fling—I would genuinely sit and look at the chat thingamajig for hours, watching for that man to randomly pop up and check on everyone. I am a creep, I’m aware, but I wasn’t aware then. I denied every chance I got that I wanted anything to do with the man. But anyways, the man; we’ll call him green. 25 and 18 have been on that anon site for years longer than me, so of course, everyone believed them, even without proof. Or maybe they had false proof—I’m not sure, as I was blocked. Anyway, I was really upset that 25 and 18 had told Green about that half-false accusation, and I’m still very upset he believed this accusation. And I’m even more upset about that fact that I cannot defend myself at all.

Part 2 That DM somehow got out. I think it was that friend. I really liked that friend, too. He wasn’t the nicest, but he was very understanding. The next day I came back to the website I found myself blocked by 25. I asked around, and it turns out that friend told 25’s boyfriend (18) that I said 25 was grooming him. I never said that—what I said was a bit worse, actually, but yknow, I was 13 (and still am, but I’m turning 14 soon) and didn’t know much about grooming and/or what grooming was. Then this whole argument started between me, 25, and 18. Like 2 people who weren’t even involved joined in too. But now here’s the thing, I do not think before I send things online, I kind of just type whatever’s on my mind and put it out for the world to see, as dangerous as that is, so I didn’t even know I said 25 and 18’s relationship was predatory. This is not an excuse for my actions; it’s an explanation.

Another thing that happened on that other anonymous vent website a few months ago was so stupid you’ll laugh when you read this. Again, I’m not diagnosed with any sort of mental disorder besides severe social anxiety, but I believe I experience BPD symptoms. But anyways, it all started with an immature DM to a friend. We were talking about this 25 year old who said he was killing himself or something like that. This friend said he didn’t like the 25 year old, and that he was a bitch. I wanted to agree in some way, but I didn’t really know 25 that well, I only knew his boyfriend who was 18. I soon found out 25 was lying about being 22, but I didn’t comment on it in fear of starting drama. But anyways, out of impulse, I told that friend that 25 was probably a predator of sorts. Horrible of me—but then again, lying about being 22 while actually being 22 and openly dating an 17-18 year old isn’t really something that screams “safe”. Part 1

This is going to sound insanely stupid because it’s online drama and I was the whole reason it started, but hear me out. A few months ago, I used this website; an anonymous vent website with a little over 100 users. It had mods and everything—one of those mods I had a little bit of an obsession with. I’m not diagnosed with anything, but I have a lot of borderline symptoms. Now a huge warning, what I’m about to say is horrible—but I used to cut myself up while thinking of that man because I guess the adrenaline rush felt amazing. And on a particularly bad day, I felt the need to tell him. I’m not sure why, but every time I have a bad day or feel the slightest negative emotion it’s like all the rational thinking leaves my body and I’m just left with intrusive thoughts that claw at the walls of my braincase. They’re really hard to ignore, so most of the time, I end up doing really stupid things that get me in trouble.

Sometimes I feel as if all I’ll ever be good for is sex. My virginity was taken from my dad’s mother when I was 4-5 years old. I never got around to telling my mom until I was 7, and I felt I had to because we were at my therapists office. I used to think I knew everything—about myself and about the people around me, but I was very very wrong. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes, and im pretty sure I get manic episodes but im not entirely sure. My mom won’t get me a therapist anymore due to the fact I tried to tell my neighbors about the abuse when it happened. The abuse didn’t stop until last year (2025), and I still have a scar from it on my left thigh. It’s like a constant reminder that no matter what I’ll always be stained with sin that isn’t even mine. It’s partially my fault for being such a brat (e.g., trying to hit my father because he grabbed my arm so tight it kind of hurt while I was doing the dishes). I’m horrible.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I’m not sure I will ever know. The amount of times I’ve prayed for the lord to tell me reach the triple digits. I feel like all I ever do is sit and cry—besides when I’m at school. When I’m in school I just sit and stare. But at least I make decent grades I guess? That’s one thing I should like about myself. But I feel like A’s and B’s aren’t enough, I feel like I have to work myself to the bone to feel successful, but I don’t; I never actually TRY, as much as I feel the need to, because I barely have the motivation to get out of bed in the mornings. I go through the same things everyone else does, I’m just being melodramatic. I KNOW people go through worse than me. Sometimes I’m envious of people who go through worse. It’s as bad as it sounds. I’ve been groomed countless times on the internet and irl, but I’m not even 14 yet. But I don’t want sex. I want someone to love, but I don’t think I’ll ever get that. I may not be alive tomorrow at all.

I cant stop thinking of fucjing postal dude and Ive been hitting myself because I cant sleep

I lowkey think I’m trans, I hate my body so much it’s terrible. If I were to come out, my family wouldn’t accept me and I would be disowned guaranteed. I don’t know if my friends would support me either and my partner said they would leave me if I transitioned hypothetically. I would lose the place I live, and I don’t know how I could deal with it at work either

I hate my family who never teach me to live properly. One of them scolded me for my imature personality even when I was a literal kid then.

I have autism and ADHD, but no friend. Both of my parents are too clingy, but they often scold me for my mental immaturity. Imaginary friends (such as a maid and a fun-loving friend) taking care of or talk to me are only resources for me. Journaling cannot help me cause it makes another version of me, but not in a certain video game's kind. What I can do is just drawing random characters or writing (explaining or making wiki pages) about them. But all of them cannot make me. I just want to live like a comic strip or sitcom. Reading boring books and making fan theories are geeky to my friend (technically not) circle. Learning unrelated stuffs is kinda boring to me. At least I love coffee, what should I do?

im trying to make plans with my friend but he's not answering and not really facilitating making plans and it is so frustrating. usually its very like yeah whatever man, we meet up and watch a movie or something but we're planning on going hiking about 2 hrs away like THAT REQUIRES PLANNING!!! THAT REQUIRES FIGURING OUT WHAT TIME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND WHERE TO HAVE FOOD AND EVERYTHING. I am so stressed out I feel like im gonna explode. im autistic and have ocd and he knows this like I cant just not have a plan.

WHY ARE THEY SO OBSESSED WITH HIS OCS!?!?!? It’s like everything we’ve built for the last few years is IRRELEVANT now that HE exists… I miss when it was just us!! I’m SICK of HIM stealing you away from me!! HE HAS A FUCKING PARTNER TO MAKE CHARACTERS WITH!! HE SHOULD STICK WITH THEM!! HE DOESNT NEED YOU, TOO!! HES ALREADY SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING HE DOES… HES THE BETTER VERSION OF ME IN LITERALLY EVERY SENSE!! DOES HE HAVE TO FUCKING TAKE YOU?!? CAN’T HE BE SATISFIED JUST… BEING BETTER THAN ME!?!?! ITS LIKE I CAN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO MYSELF WITHOUT IT BEING A DAMN COMPETITION!! WHY DO YOU EVEN KEEP ME AROUND IF YOU HAVE HIM!?! HE’S CLEEEEARLY THE BETTER OPTION, SO STOP STALLING!! LEAVE ME AND GO FOR HIM ALREADY!! HE’S BASICALLY REMAKING ALL OUR OLD STUFF (WHICH YOU USED TO ENJOY BUT DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYMORE I GUESS), SO HEY!! MAYBE IT’LL FEEL LIKE NOTHING FUCKING CHANGED WHEN YOU INEVITABLY LEAVE ME!!

I just cut myself and I'm low key suicidal

I’m just tired of never being chosen. I’m like a spot filler. I’m so tired of my heart being broken. I’m tired of going g so far beyond what I’m actually comfortable with just to feel wanted for a minute even if it’s just all in my head I guess. Even at work. I try to be nice and buy lunch for people and now it’s expected. She literally asked me today “ soooo are you gonna buy us lunch today” why am I so weak that I can’t say no? Also they took my lunch box because they needed it. Took out my stuff out and just took it without asking me at all. I offered to work tomorrow because she has a kid and mine are grown. She did say “ are you sure” at least but when I said of course and to enjoy her Easter I didn’t even get a thank you. I’m tired of being married to a man that complicates my life. I’m raising him too it feels like sometimes. I can’t leave. There’s no way at my age to be able to start over again. I can’t afford to be on my own. I’m stuck in this hell.

Whispering to me while on the phone with his friends or family, like he doesn’t want them to know I’m there. I haven’t met anyone and now I’m starting to feel like I’m not worthy enough to meet the people in his life and that he’s just hiding me now.

i feel like no matter how much my life changes nothing gets better. i switched schools recently to get away from my bullies, but they still constantly bother me and fill up my mind with unwanted thoughts, and my anxiety is not getting better at all, even if thats what i tell everyone. i tell everyone my life is getting so much better, when in reality, it doesnt feel like that at all. for sometime i can feel really happy and content with my life, then the next day it just crashes down for me and i feel incredibly depressed. i think i might have bipolar disorder but im really fucking scared to tell anyone. when i told my mom i think i have anxiety, she just said “everyone has that sometimes, it goes away, ive had it too”. she doesnt get it and i dont feel like my dad would either. i know they both love me but it feels like theyre not acknowledging my feelings and listens to me. i cant tell anyone else either cause i dont feel like they understand. i just feel like an alien to my own home