All Rants

I'm trying to find beauty in lambs bending their heads and broken jugs, in impermanence that someone else understood and can act upon. In innocence the moment before the wolves tear it away, and to love that moment and the blood that it produces without looking to god or a higher man, as dumb as I am.

I will bash your head if you flirt with her

Bitch, why the fuck are you pitying that whore? DONT YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID TO ME DONT YOU??? HOW DARE YOU CARBS HOW DARE YOU

I will not let your FUCKIN HORNY ASSS FLIRT WITH HER. Get it? I will haunt the fuck out of you I will k!LL you

I WILL ASSERT MY DOMINANCE IN EVERY ROMANTIC SHIT YOU SHARE ABOUT HER I AM THE FAIRY I AM EARTH I AM EVERYTHING I WILL CURSE YHE FUCK OUTTA YOU

I'd rather die than be a Buddhist.

I wish bash your head to the wall till your brains splutter out if you talk about her boobs MANWHORE I HAVE BETTER LOOKING ONES YOU PIECE OF SHIT HER UGLY RACKS ARE NOTHINH NOTHINGGGG

In a world without technology, I'd be a happy cotton picker. I feel that I don't deserve anything.

I can't see higher and lower things, I only delude myself in rhythms.

I'm so bad at cutting people off

Today, I feel numb. I just wanna lay down my bed. I don't even know what I want to watch or listen as I rot on my bed.

I’m like really insecure of my face to the point I can’t go out without makeup, that's bad for me bc my mum works hard to make ends meet and makeup is expensive. and she went to another country so she had to spend money on flights and me and my sis were home alone and she has given us money. my sis spent money on hanging out with friends and I didn’t go out with her so she spent it herself. I didn’t have any makeup so I couldn’t go out and I wanted to buy makeup when my mum came back, but bc she spent so much money she had to save up for rent, now I can’t even spend £10 while my sis still has that much money with her but won’t give it bc she thinks I don’t need it. and I have school soon, it’s not like I love being this insecure but they don’t get it and say what’s the big deal, I’ll just get even more bullied. my sis thinks I’m being one of those girls who always just care abt their makeup, but I don’t have a choice, and my family always complaining abt this. I try kms if I look bad

Romance is overdone and so stupid, I hate it so much Yet I find myself longing for it I don't know why. There needs to be some context - There's this person that has done pretty bad stuff to me and my friends in the past, who I started speaking to again recently out of fun to mock them behind their back with the previously involved friends. I'll call them Edgelord. Edgelord has had a crush on one of those friends, I'll call her Chan, who is currently in a relationship with another friend of ours. Edgelord has recently began to speak to me in a way that feels like they're becoming more interested in me, such as asking dumb questions and feeling like they have to explain why? Often saying because I like learning about you. Tell me they're so glad we're friends again and that I forgave them Reacting with heart emojis to my text I've showed my other friends and they all agree. Now, I should not play into this obv. But I'm kinda glad someone may find me attractive. That's so annoying.

I mourn the life I could've had if my parents weren't so neglectful, more better if I wasn't born at all.

I hate being laughed at. I slowly lost a friend of 4 years because of it, and I don't have that many friends. She laughed at me once and I decided to let it go, she continued to do it up until that point where I shared to her I had a chance of dying after a visit to the hospital, and she laughed at me. I resent her so much but I had to push it aside because she was my only friend and I was struggling. We don't go to the same school anymore and that limited us to seeing each other. She doesn't get my hints that I don't want to see her and she keeps forcing it on me. Still, I get irritated about all of this.

I want to kms, I don’t even expect anything I don’t want to go grow up.ok I’ll js be isolated and broke.I want to make friends but at the same time I want to push people away,even my family,I don’t know why I want to torture my self like that.I feel so depressed I can’t clean or take care of my little brother but Ik I have to bc who else will my mum too busy trying to make ends meet.all this hard work is for nothing.I don’t even study bc Ik I’ll have to start all over again if I have to move back to my own country.I can’t even tell the teachers abt this bc they can’t do anything and will send me to a mental hospital.I sh like every 3 days or every day i don’t even k.school is going to start and I’ll be back to feeling even more empty, hollow crying every second.I feel so guilty I hate myself sm.is it wrong that I can’t keep the house clean everyday perfectly and take care of my brother bc I’m js depressed while my mum is working sm more harder and also going through this.pls tell me

Is it selfish if I don’t want to clean and take care of my brother every day bc im depressed.it’s not like my family has a choice my mum has to work really hard so her job is like morning till night sometimes midnight.so I have to did this stuff and she expects me too keep the house clean all the time and everything and I don’t bc I js can’t.there is no point in even struggling this much bc soon it’s js going to be a forgotten nightmare,a failure.I moved as an immigrant and it’s been 4 years since this has been going on my life is shit were poor sometimes, sometimes we have enough money to get by,and I know I have to go back to my own country if we are not able to extend our stay and my life will be even more shit if that happens I’d rather die.the future looks so bad that I want to kms js thinking abt it I don’t have any friends and my home country is the worst.i don’t even want to try studying bc I don’t care abt my future anymore it’s so hard to keep going.I can’t even clean

I hate my older brother so much, there was always a hope that thinks maybe he'll change or get better, but no, he got even worser. I don't know if it's fine to describe what happened, but if anyone got uncomfortable just please skip this: When I was 6 and he was way older than me, he sa'ed me and abused me I grew up thinking this was normal, till I got older and something finally hits me and realized "oh wait this shi ain't normal" and I can't open up to my mom, dad, or anyone. I just told my mom about the kissing part, and somehow instead of showing anger or disgust towards him, she just talked too gentle with him and he promised me he'll change. I asked "Why did you even do this?" While crying, and he said he saw boys doing this to the girls in school (a lie, we used to go to the same school.) I just don't know what did I do to deserve this and mind you, he calls me "bitch", " whore", and "Slut" Yet no one cares No one will do Or even if they did they'll probably just move on LOL

I hate it so much whenever someone is talking with me normally and then I snap or ignore them, and the next day they say "do you hate me" or bla bla bla, no I actually love you and I care about you just please don't leave me or think I'm a bad person ughh

as each day pass, i am constantly reminded of how fucked up our world is becoming. i often find myself getting criticized by the older generation, of how ''before'' people were nicer to each other, of how people hung out with others. well guess what you little shit, we didn't raise ourselves did we? oh and look at how the earth's dying because if you look veryyy, well no, you don't even to look closely to see that your generation are the one fucking up our future . i mean just fucking look, we have openly racist people in charge of entire countries?! does that sound normal?! presidents kidnapping other presidents?! this shit's a horror movie! fuck racists, choke on shit you dickheads