All Rants

i cant stop looking at my old sh scars and it reminds me still what a bad state i still am in. i havent done it in a long time and dont really have a strong desire to do so yet but my brain keeps telling me its only a matter of time before i do it again.

im so tired of having to try so hard in school for me to probably get a minimum wage job because the economy FUCKIG SUCKS when its my turn to be an adult

Alr so this morning my cousin pulled up to church in an atrocious fit. And I had started laughing(with love.), and he was laughing too. and then me and my other friend gave him some shoes that matched better so that the fit didn’t look as bad. And we all went about our day. Hours later, his sister calls me, saying that it wasn’t cool and apparently he was uncomfortable, I had no clue. But if he was uncomfortable anyway I just went ahead and told her to tell him I’m sorry. But then I go to talk to him about it directly, and he says “Bruh I rather u do what u did then me look crazy.” That he never said to her that I made him uncomfortable, and that he didn’t resent me at all for it 😭What’s even crazier is that his sister and my other family members made fun of me all the time when we were younger. But if I got upset I was “the kid with anger issues.”

i fucking hate how i am socially because why dont i just have ONE person i can go to on any occasion. like is it my fault that i wasnt able to build meaningful connections early on with one person?

Ya' ever self sabotage your entire life in an instant because you are so burnt out that nothing at all feels better than putting a single ounce more into anything? Oh..yeah, me neither.....

everything my brother says pisses me off and i dont know why it just does and i feel really bad its not my fault i promise, im so sorry for being a bitch all the time

my mom keeps talking about my tits and it makes me want to cry. when the topic of tits comes up it manages to go to me and she constantly points it out. i hate it. i dont want them. its not my fault.

i dont know if this was sexual harassment or what but in 7th grade a guy was texting me and said "your tatas give me short term memory loss" "dommy mommy" "im actually about to eat your ass" "im gonna fuck you" and shit like that and i liked the attention at first because i never got attention but looking back its really weird. the thing is i dont think its enough to call it harassment or anything i js feel like im doing too much.

religion is a normalized cult and used to control peoples thoughts and fear no one in religions seem to understand that though

i hate ballet its gonna ruin my individuality im gonna have 3 colors in my hair while everyone else is going to be basic im gonna have huge eyeliner and they wont im gonna stand out so bad i have no friends there i fucking suck too but im not good at anything else idek nm

i fucking suck. my cousin is the first in all his classes and hes really smart and does track. my other cousin is beautiful and has an amazing body. Shes the most stylish person i know and can sing, play guitar, make amazing art, is athletic, can talk about her problems, and more. My younger cousin is gorgeous too and already on a path of leadership and basketball. My sister is popular and amazing at ballet. My brother is interesting, but always has friends and an amazing imagination. Im just there. Im the biggest child, nothing im good at, and smart but not smart enough to compare. im js not good enough for my family or for myself. im bad at anything i try and all i do is lay in bed and get clowned for it by my parents. but wtv

my best friend met a guy on snapchat and met up with him behind an aldi and sucked him off. she then had a whole mental crisis about it and i tried my best to help. fast forward a few weeks probably, she decides she misses him and they talk again. I tell her to block him, she does, she goes back. this only happened twice. I thought. then i was telling my cousin abt it and my 11 year old sister walks in. Mind you, the girl that sucked the guy off is 14 and is friends with me and my sister. Them two had just recently had a sleepover. My sister tells me about how he had tried to force her to have sex and that she "missed him and wanted to go back to him" I was beyond furious because why tf is she telling my 11 year old sister this, and for her to be the first one to know about these details. She didn't want to tell me because she knew i would be mad but wth why couldn't she tell a friend her age. She tried to call me and ask if we were okay. Hell no bitch.

I'm so sick and tired of never being allowed to be panicked or upset or lazy or bad with Mom. I'm always "neurotic, or "just like my Auntie Laura", or "too black-and-white", or "too mean". Or I'm "always a quitter", or "going to be an addict and alcoholic sad and alone and a bum like my Dad was", or "not caring about my parents many contributions that make in comparison a letdown to the family", or too pathetic. Or I'm "*special*" or "robotic" or "weird" or "annoying" or "a bitch" or "a shut-in" or "something we're disappointed with" I try to understand that being a parent is hard, when I'm stressed I'LL snip, but I also have that counterpoint there. She doesn't want to apologize, she's still right apparently. I'm really frustrated and would like her to stop calling me this stuff and take a while away from me or tell meshe's "feeling stressed and can't" right now. I PROMISE I'd respect that, I'd never call Mom a bitch. ever. because she's my Mom and I love her.

I feel like everyone hates me. I know it’s not true and I know they still care about me but they just treat me so wrong and I truly don’t know what I did. I’m a senior in high school and I know that friends from freshman year usually drift apart over the years, but I just feel like I’ve been through so much shit and my friends just don’t understand and judge me for it and they don’t see me as an equal. They see someone below them just because I’ve done drugs, and had sex and shit like that. but first of all, I’m a teen and I feel like all teens do stuff like this Plus, why do they think I do drugs in the first place? i’m severely depressed and it’s the only thing that takes the weight off my chest and I just don’t think they understand because they haven’t gone through as much as me. I just miss my friends.

my grandma is not mentally cognitive and we lost my grandpa 6 years ago. she still misses him but whatever. she started dating this stupid maga dude who randomly showed up in her garage 3 years ago. Last weekend I found out he proposed to her and had her sign something but we didn't know what it was. my dad and aunt went to see what happened and to change locks so he couldn't get in. Come to find out she was lying and they'd already been married for a few days and he had her sign something that gave him legal status over her, and to give all the money in her will to him once she passed. She genuinely thinks this bum loves her when he only wants her money and shes stupid for it. We all think he was going to try and kill her, and she refuses to move in with my aunt. Now my mom says im never seeing her again so i only have one grandparent in my life now.

i absolutely cannot take it anymore. it genuinely makes me so miserable. i have so many thoughts about what would be the easier way out. It seems like no one cares. Even in the other room. EVen next door. Its crazy how i could just disappear and they wouldnt notice for a while. no one. not one of them fucking cares. they are supposed to be family. I genuienly can't it doesnt matter anymore. you can do what ever you want. i don;t want to be here an ymore and i dont want to be alive.

I (15m) snuck in my moms room while she was out of town and used her dildos, I cleaned them before and after, one of them was the ones with the finger sized slaper in the middle, I tried them, got a little shit on them, cleaned them and returned them, she didn't notice

ive only had my cat for 2 weeks. hes been my everything. i havent told anyone but that is the happiest ive ever been, and they just gave him away. ive never really showed how I felt or cried in public, so venting is completely new to me. idk. i havent been able to think about anything else. i have like 2 quizzes tomorrow and my cat is all I can think about. My dad took him out today to someone else, i didnt want to say bye becasue it would hurt so much more. im starting to regret that. i miss him already and i miss his prescence. they took him away because he was too much to handle, but he was just a kitty:(. i guess it was for the better. 3/4 members of our house would go to work/school, so he got bored quick. it still hurts. ive been trying to study the night away so i won't think about him. i can't believe he's gone. i can't even resent my parents. they've done so much for me .i feel ungrateful. im in a good family, but ive never felt good. my cat made me complete after a long time.

I really hateee when my parents visit. They never used to visit this much. In all my adult years they never ever visited this much this often it drives me crazy. I'm still quite upset with them for the last 2 years and I have absolutely 0 ounce of forgiveness or love for them in my soul. We got along so much better over the years when they stayed their in their home and didn't try to visit me. I can't stand their visits

it was a mistake thinking i could make amends with my parents, live with them, and get to see my brother grow up. i have to get out of here or else i'll go crazy with people who always fight with each other and only ever unite to put me down. but i'm so sad that one day i won't get to see my brother anymore. i love him so much. i'll miss our minecraft world together. i have to get out of here but i love him.