All Rants

Ive had a girlfriend for awhile but are relationship has been rocky she cheated on me and stuff for I met this girl at camp and she liked me back and we hungout and it was great but now shes just not sure and talking about how she wants to keep me around but talk to other people so I just wonder why im not enough

i dont understand why i have to always give for people when they ask for something but i never get what i ask for. im always used for something. im just a label to my boyfriend, im like a leech attached to my best friend, and im just the grouchy angry daughter my parents never asked for. i just want something in return. im always giving in my relationship but everytime i ask i get an excuse and the opposite of what i want. i have no friends. im super socially awkward. nobody likes me. im weird. im childish. im hella immature. i just wanna be the first positive thing someone thinks about and not the first negative thing. now im the boring one after i vented out all my feelings saying how i just want youre time and attention. im the one not making anything exciting even after i get all excited to talk to you about something or hear from you. i just want your time and attention and i want you to the same way about me.

i'm scared i'm not gonna meet the standards everyone around me thinks i can reach. my family is known for being very big (9 in total) and all of my siblings are very studious. i'm the 2nd youngest and i'm worried that my teachers are disappointed that i don't precede my reputation, especially since they have taught my siblings before me. its even worse because i think they are more impressed with my younger sister who they are teaching now. i just think im an outsider compared to my siblings and it makes me sadder that i don't fit in anywhere, even with my own family.

I feel like no one sees/cares just how miserable I am. Ive literally been isolating myself and crying myself to sleep to sleep for the past 2 weeks. I hate that I feel like this. I hate feeling like I have to hide how depressed I am bc I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone.

i feel like there is NO ONE on the other side of my eyes. if you get what i mean. people arent real. there actions or there expressions dont matter because they dont exist. nothing matters

I fucking hate my ex I hate him so much he’s been online stalking me since the break up which is whatever like he made a few creepy accounts but I just blocked and reported. And then I find out he’s gone completely psychotic and even his friends are scared. There’s a picture of a naked girls back on his instagram and I can’t tell if it’s me. He also came to my house unnounanced asking my dad if he could see me. I’m genuinely terrified and he threatened to kill one of his friends and his friends famjly. I’ve talked to 3 deputies and honestly no one can help and I hate him so much

Recently moved and I’m struggling to find a job. I’ve never been out of work this long and it’s starting to get to me. Work helped with my anxiety/depression and now that I don’t have that I’m really struggling. Like I don’t know how to explain it but I I feel like I’m going crazy

i cant stop looking at my old sh scars and it reminds me still what a bad state i still am in. i havent done it in a long time and dont really have a strong desire to do so yet but my brain keeps telling me its only a matter of time before i do it again.

im so tired of having to try so hard in school for me to probably get a minimum wage job because the economy FUCKIG SUCKS when its my turn to be an adult

Alr so this morning my cousin pulled up to church in an atrocious fit. And I had started laughing(with love.), and he was laughing too. and then me and my other friend gave him some shoes that matched better so that the fit didn’t look as bad. And we all went about our day. Hours later, his sister calls me, saying that it wasn’t cool and apparently he was uncomfortable, I had no clue. But if he was uncomfortable anyway I just went ahead and told her to tell him I’m sorry. But then I go to talk to him about it directly, and he says “Bruh I rather u do what u did then me look crazy.” That he never said to her that I made him uncomfortable, and that he didn’t resent me at all for it 😭What’s even crazier is that his sister and my other family members made fun of me all the time when we were younger. But if I got upset I was “the kid with anger issues.”

i fucking hate how i am socially because why dont i just have ONE person i can go to on any occasion. like is it my fault that i wasnt able to build meaningful connections early on with one person?

Ya' ever self sabotage your entire life in an instant because you are so burnt out that nothing at all feels better than putting a single ounce more into anything? Oh..yeah, me neither.....

everything my brother says pisses me off and i dont know why it just does and i feel really bad its not my fault i promise, im so sorry for being a bitch all the time

my mom keeps talking about my tits and it makes me want to cry. when the topic of tits comes up it manages to go to me and she constantly points it out. i hate it. i dont want them. its not my fault.

i dont know if this was sexual harassment or what but in 7th grade a guy was texting me and said "your tatas give me short term memory loss" "dommy mommy" "im actually about to eat your ass" "im gonna fuck you" and shit like that and i liked the attention at first because i never got attention but looking back its really weird. the thing is i dont think its enough to call it harassment or anything i js feel like im doing too much.

religion is a normalized cult and used to control peoples thoughts and fear no one in religions seem to understand that though

i hate ballet its gonna ruin my individuality im gonna have 3 colors in my hair while everyone else is going to be basic im gonna have huge eyeliner and they wont im gonna stand out so bad i have no friends there i fucking suck too but im not good at anything else idek nm

i fucking suck. my cousin is the first in all his classes and hes really smart and does track. my other cousin is beautiful and has an amazing body. Shes the most stylish person i know and can sing, play guitar, make amazing art, is athletic, can talk about her problems, and more. My younger cousin is gorgeous too and already on a path of leadership and basketball. My sister is popular and amazing at ballet. My brother is interesting, but always has friends and an amazing imagination. Im just there. Im the biggest child, nothing im good at, and smart but not smart enough to compare. im js not good enough for my family or for myself. im bad at anything i try and all i do is lay in bed and get clowned for it by my parents. but wtv

my best friend met a guy on snapchat and met up with him behind an aldi and sucked him off. she then had a whole mental crisis about it and i tried my best to help. fast forward a few weeks probably, she decides she misses him and they talk again. I tell her to block him, she does, she goes back. this only happened twice. I thought. then i was telling my cousin abt it and my 11 year old sister walks in. Mind you, the girl that sucked the guy off is 14 and is friends with me and my sister. Them two had just recently had a sleepover. My sister tells me about how he had tried to force her to have sex and that she "missed him and wanted to go back to him" I was beyond furious because why tf is she telling my 11 year old sister this, and for her to be the first one to know about these details. She didn't want to tell me because she knew i would be mad but wth why couldn't she tell a friend her age. She tried to call me and ask if we were okay. Hell no bitch.

I'm so sick and tired of never being allowed to be panicked or upset or lazy or bad with Mom. I'm always "neurotic, or "just like my Auntie Laura", or "too black-and-white", or "too mean". Or I'm "always a quitter", or "going to be an addict and alcoholic sad and alone and a bum like my Dad was", or "not caring about my parents many contributions that make in comparison a letdown to the family", or too pathetic. Or I'm "*special*" or "robotic" or "weird" or "annoying" or "a bitch" or "a shut-in" or "something we're disappointed with" I try to understand that being a parent is hard, when I'm stressed I'LL snip, but I also have that counterpoint there. She doesn't want to apologize, she's still right apparently. I'm really frustrated and would like her to stop calling me this stuff and take a while away from me or tell meshe's "feeling stressed and can't" right now. I PROMISE I'd respect that, I'd never call Mom a bitch. ever. because she's my Mom and I love her.