All Rants

I don’t want to make friends anymore. All they do is hurt me at the end so what’s the point. I hate waking up every fucking morning . How do people do this. Genuinely? It’s jst so hard. I don’t do friends anymore. I’m sorry.

Oops. People are rightfully complaining about teenagers starting fires in the woods, and I thought I'd never have done that at that age... then I remembered that me and my mates camped out illegally in the woods and not only lit a fire but also one of my mates threw a deodorant can on it Starting a wildfire never even crossed my mind back then. Maybe it's because we'd had yet another summer of cold and rain so everything was just chronically damp. Back then wildfires were something you'd get in Australia or California. Thankfully our little campfire stayed contained. It probably wouldn't have done today with these desert conditions. Although the fire we lit at the Girlguiding camp did spread to the bushes and it was the adults who were in charge of that one.

I feel like I have nothing to mean anything to anyone.

It pisses me off when people block you because of an artist. And then ur other friend who’s friends with you also blocks you. It’s funny huh. You don’t even know how this artist got me through the shittest times of my life. Yes it’s Melanie Martinez Ik ik, throw ur tomatoes at me. He said that she was a “ zionist, rapist, and ageplayer” but I’ve done my research she’s NONE of theses. I’ve literally been to one of her concerts where she literally yelled at the end of her show “free Palestine!” With the flag too. It’s pisses me off so much. It’s jst an artist, there’s way more worse artist then her, like drake, and p diddy, who have done way worse to CHILDREN. It jst makes me so angry and upset. You never know the silent struggles someone is going through and maybe the music is just a way to feel peace. You never know if their songs have saved them or not. I’m so pissed off.

having a dysfunctional family sucks. idk what i’m supposed to do anymore. i love my siblings, and they love me, but sometimes it feels like in the end, we’re all just the result of our traumas. i think a lot about what could’ve been. if we all grew up in a healthy home. if our biological parents grew up in a healthy home. if they never got into drugs, or if they got the help they needed. if we were adopted into a different family, or if our adoptive parents cared just a little bit more. i feel like we were always doomed from the start. mental illness, personality disorders, physical disabilities. i wish i could escape this family and be my own person, and i am, but i feel like i have nothing without them. it hurts to be around them but i hate being alone more than anything.

I hate my sister, she was supposed to be an abortion but my grandma told my mom to not do it, i wish she didn't listen to her and did it anyways

I thought you would remember. I hoped you would remember. When I asked if you had done something special for me, I was met with nothing. I was met with the fact that you were doing special things for others. It was my birthday. I know it’s wrong, I know it’s selfish, I know…but I thought you would do something special for me. And you didn’t. You even promised. You made a promise to me that something special would happen, and now it has been 3 months since my birthday, and you have done nothing for me. My heart broke silently. And I’m such a coward, you won’t ever know. I love you my dear. But this hurts me so much. More than you will know. Why? Did you even think about me? Did I even cross your mind? I can’t believe this. It keeps me up at night. I feel so small, so abandoned, so hurt. I’m hurt. I’m hurt my love. I’m hurt. I’ve been hurt by the one whom I love the most. I’m sorry.

I can't stop stressing. I have so much on my plate. I have a very young friend and her baby living with me and the family and there is so much tension and stress and its causing issues in our home and in my marriage

It’s been 3 months since my birthday, my love. You promised you’d have a gift for me, but 3 months have passed and I don’t have a gift from you. You’ve given many gifts to so many others, yet you never did the same for me. I gave you many things, many gifts. Your love is so precious to me, my dear, and I know that our love cannot be measured by our actions for each other. Yet, seeing you give to so many others while I never got something special for my day when you promised you’d would…you really hurt me, even if I said nothing. I’m hurt. I’m hurt, my love. I’m hurt. All I want to know…when you kept giving to everyone else, did my birthday ever cross your mind in these 3 months? Or did you just forget? I’m such a coward, my mind and body are riddled with anxiety to the point where I cannot muster the courage to ask you about this, yet this eats at me from the inside. I love you so much, I’ve done so much for you. I know it’s selfish, but I just wanted something from you. I’m sorry.

People say ill find someone, but how? All I have is an internet connection in a place where censoring is happening and even if i try dealing with social media in family and nsfw level places alike, I just need up alone and miserable. Even in the places I have a 'voice' I have to pay hours, days of hobbies I can't be bothered with all because the people don't understand the meaning of the word compromise. And then work exists... i want to beat my head into a pipe or something heavy.

why is it so hard to love you when you say you do but then act like you hate me.

i feel like an outcast in my own friend group and i know we’re drifting and its so hard to adjust to idk where i stand or what i want or what to do i just want to stop caring and stop feeling like this i need to just accept it or something whencever i try to fix it i feel worse god i just want to leave so i can stop feeling like this i remember why ive always stayed alone

I'm in a dark place. I'm so symptomatic [I'm schizoaffective] even though I'm on a new medication. I'm trying for disability and this is the second time I've been denied. The thought of not getting accepted is terrifying. I did so horribly when I was working. It's been three years since I've worked and started attempting to get disability. I can't keep going on like this.

As much as it hurts I know nobody will ever take racism seriously. I wish I was never born.

Guysss I'm gonna start middle school in literally two days I'm so nervous and excited but I don't know what to do! D: any tips? -LG

i have a minor ant problem i my kitchen and it's not that big of a deal but my mom's is constantly telling me it's my fault and it's lowk gotten so bad i think im hallucinating seeing bugs. I was at work yesterday and thought i saw a bug skitter across an orange.... it was a brown spot. I also keep seeing my birth marks/freckles and slapping myself bc i think it's a bug. I also freak out when i feel my hair touch myself. idk what to do i feel trapped in my mind and i feel like im going crazy

My mother just told me not to get comfortable in my unemployment. Is this bitch for real? Don't get comfortable? As if I feel comfortable in this house with a fucking depressing group of people who just hate each other. She's acting like me always on my computer, working on certs and looking for jobs and whatever tf is me fucking around and having fun being stuck at home. Also, she wants me to have a normal schedule. I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING JOB. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO, WAKE UP FOR, OR LOOK FORWARD TO. I DON'T HAVE A CAR. I'M STUCK HERE YOU DUMB BITCH. HELLO?!?!?!?!? She's insane, and I think she's trying to rage bait me. Sometimes, I think she tries to get me upset for fun because she can't be this stupid.

I hate that I see my family all gaining an unhealthy amount of weight while im slowly losing weight cuz idk how to help but theyre all getting fatter and im getting skinnier and I just worry idk

there’s these 2 girls at my school and their such menaces. Mind u we’re just beginning hs so all the things I’ll mention happened in 8th grade. Ones A, other is K. A is such a fucking problem, like she’ll fight the wall if she heard it was talking shi abt her. She also gave multiple people head and is such a bop, she even posted some her fights on her snap story and smokes a shit ton. K is so rude and bullies like everyone. Not only that, she’s racist. She’s white as hell like I’m talking blonde hair blue eyes pale skin Irish white. She got rlly high one time in school and walked into a wall and passed out. I will NOT miss all this damn drama fr. I almost fought a because she thought I was shit abt her which I was but she backed down idk why. I can already tell they will be failures bc id rather have the gay son ngl. stay smart stay in school fighting and getting high and whatnot isn’t cute, yes you’ll do dumb stuff as a teen but this isn’t a flex if u wanna look back on teen years.

I am a good daughter i do what my mom is told and what she asks of me when it comes to around the house and all. The few times I dont want to do something because its so insignificant. She always results to name calling. Like what are you 5? Shes always been like this. I dont get it. I am the child she said she can trust and all. But im the one that gets the most heat from her. She can be such a bitch!!