All Rants

People say ill find someone, but how? All I have is an internet connection in a place where censoring is happening and even if i try dealing with social media in family and nsfw level places alike, I just need up alone and miserable. Even in the places I have a 'voice' I have to pay hours, days of hobbies I can't be bothered with all because the people don't understand the meaning of the word compromise. And then work exists... i want to beat my head into a pipe or something heavy.

why is it so hard to love you when you say you do but then act like you hate me.

i feel like an outcast in my own friend group and i know we’re drifting and its so hard to adjust to idk where i stand or what i want or what to do i just want to stop caring and stop feeling like this i need to just accept it or something whencever i try to fix it i feel worse god i just want to leave so i can stop feeling like this i remember why ive always stayed alone

I'm in a dark place. I'm so symptomatic [I'm schizoaffective] even though I'm on a new medication. I'm trying for disability and this is the second time I've been denied. The thought of not getting accepted is terrifying. I did so horribly when I was working. It's been three years since I've worked and started attempting to get disability. I can't keep going on like this.

As much as it hurts I know nobody will ever take racism seriously. I wish I was never born.

Guysss I'm gonna start middle school in literally two days I'm so nervous and excited but I don't know what to do! D: any tips? -LG

i have a minor ant problem i my kitchen and it's not that big of a deal but my mom's is constantly telling me it's my fault and it's lowk gotten so bad i think im hallucinating seeing bugs. I was at work yesterday and thought i saw a bug skitter across an orange.... it was a brown spot. I also keep seeing my birth marks/freckles and slapping myself bc i think it's a bug. I also freak out when i feel my hair touch myself. idk what to do i feel trapped in my mind and i feel like im going crazy

My mother just told me not to get comfortable in my unemployment. Is this bitch for real? Don't get comfortable? As if I feel comfortable in this house with a fucking depressing group of people who just hate each other. She's acting like me always on my computer, working on certs and looking for jobs and whatever tf is me fucking around and having fun being stuck at home. Also, she wants me to have a normal schedule. I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING JOB. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO, WAKE UP FOR, OR LOOK FORWARD TO. I DON'T HAVE A CAR. I'M STUCK HERE YOU DUMB BITCH. HELLO?!?!?!?!? She's insane, and I think she's trying to rage bait me. Sometimes, I think she tries to get me upset for fun because she can't be this stupid.

I hate that I see my family all gaining an unhealthy amount of weight while im slowly losing weight cuz idk how to help but theyre all getting fatter and im getting skinnier and I just worry idk

there’s these 2 girls at my school and their such menaces. Mind u we’re just beginning hs so all the things I’ll mention happened in 8th grade. Ones A, other is K. A is such a fucking problem, like she’ll fight the wall if she heard it was talking shi abt her. She also gave multiple people head and is such a bop, she even posted some her fights on her snap story and smokes a shit ton. K is so rude and bullies like everyone. Not only that, she’s racist. She’s white as hell like I’m talking blonde hair blue eyes pale skin Irish white. She got rlly high one time in school and walked into a wall and passed out. I will NOT miss all this damn drama fr. I almost fought a because she thought I was shit abt her which I was but she backed down idk why. I can already tell they will be failures bc id rather have the gay son ngl. stay smart stay in school fighting and getting high and whatnot isn’t cute, yes you’ll do dumb stuff as a teen but this isn’t a flex if u wanna look back on teen years.

I am a good daughter i do what my mom is told and what she asks of me when it comes to around the house and all. The few times I dont want to do something because its so insignificant. She always results to name calling. Like what are you 5? Shes always been like this. I dont get it. I am the child she said she can trust and all. But im the one that gets the most heat from her. She can be such a bitch!!

kinda pissed. ofc I know more about the place I lived for over a decade than somebody who's never even visited. But it was never my intention to make it seem like I know everything, or think I'm some kind of expert. I just wanted to share a part of myself with other people, but it somehow turned into a conversation about how I apperently don't know more about that than they do. I wasn't trying to attack your intelligence, I just wanted to tell you something I found interesting and it felt like it wasn't taken that way. I wasn't saying you were wrong I just thought it was interesting. I'm sorry, I guess.

I fear that I might die alone, I feel like that I just can’t find or hold a relationship and I just want to have someone to love and to hold but sometimes I just want to scream knowing that no one would truly care. Everything will get better if I find someone that I can really love and someone that can really love me.

i've felt like my mental health has been going down the drain after 3 years of social isolation. ive been stuck inside most of the time because i haven't been able to get a job so i can't afford to go uber and socialize. i don't have any in person friends who can help me and i don't have someone to teach me to drive. i've been scared and paranoid that i'll be stuck forever inside at home as if this is all my life is while everyone else gets their degree and lives a life they're proud of. i've never really had any friends consitently but when i see and hear that my friends get to go outside and do stuff or go to work i get so sad because what if i end up doing nothing. it makes me scared. i want to be someone who is in alive and in society instead of hidden away because i can't afford to exist publicly. i really just want to be able to do something someday instead of being kept inside most the time, but my mind always eats away im never going to get a job or be free.

If this world is just a rock with a bunch of sh1tty organisms, whats the point of being alive. Its not like i have anyone close that would notice the lack of my presence, maybe just my landlord and boss. I have been lost for so much time, that i know i will not find a path. So whats the point. The only thing that makes me still here, is knowing im horrible at everything, and that probably includes k1lling myself. So the chance of it not working are high

Throughout my childhood, I was constantly ostracized and shamed for my height and weight, as I was a huge kid surrounded by mostly small Asian kids. I was bullied, excluded from games, and beaten up by older kids in the school when i tried to include myself. It made me feel like shit for many years, thinking I could never be loved. I was told at a young age by teachers and parents that I was seen as dangerous to the kids due to my size. I was always twice the height and weight of everyone else, and everyone assumed I was a bad kid due to my ADHD and dyslexia always getting me in trouble for being to squirmy and having bad grades. I have wanted to kill myself since I was 10, but haven’t, hoping and praying that someone will come to save me, but no one has. I’m 17 now and have made no forward movement as to be able to be confident in my own skin, and have no friends.

Backstory: My grandma and uncle own my home, have been trying to get it in my husband and I's name for 3 years now, never got done but was promised. 2 days ago my house flooded, I have a 5 month old and had to evacuate, got moved into my mother in laws home and have our basics for us and our son. My grandma calls me today, 2 DAYS after being displaced asking if we were done with the home yet because they already have a buyer... Couldn't transfer it to us over 3 years but can suddenly find time to sell it?? and try to rush us out KNOWING we're struggling and displaced?? So called family.

I hurt people and i get mad and i call people names but i really just want to be hugged to sleep or just have silent company. I want someone to look at me and spread their arms out for me to come and hug. I want someone to care for me. But that wont ever work out for me isnt it. Im never gonna find someone like that. Im just crazy

It feels like there’s a cinder block on my chest. I’m just so tired. I can’t do Anything! I’m not good at Anything!! I’m so incredibly mediocre. Nothing is mine. I don’t feel real, nothing feels real. I’m just so tired. Can’t I just have one nice thing?

i just wish i had confirmation that there is actually something wrong with me. i feel like my "condition" isnt real and that its nothing serious or worth actually getting worried about