All Rants

im scared i dont fit in at school. i only talk to like three people, im always quiet, and i feel like most of my teachers dont notice me. i want to interact with my peers, but theyre too rude. they really only talk about tiktok, nike, and starbucks. they also insult people who act differently, dress differently, or look different. i became friends with those three people because they talk about stuff i actually enjoy (drawing, music, object shows, etc). i want to hang out with my peers, but theyre not very likable. sometimes i feel like they think the same about me i didnt read over this and i dont usually vent/rant, sorry

i just moved to racine wi from fl i was in jail im 16 i was living with my grandma but she no longer wanted me so dcf put me with my dad i basically have no choice in my own life i cant speak unless he tells me i can i gotta work where he wants me to work i gotta go to what college he wants me to go to he wont leave me at home when he has work and i dont i gotta ride in the truck and do servise calls with him until the end of the day im truly not a bad kid just mentally unstable i tell him but he proceeds to yell in my face im his kid and his kids are fine and then he tells me not to talk then smakes my face when i dont answer him

when I don't know what to do I seek comfort in the same night sky we used to look at together, a distant memory that'll fade like the sun rises as the moon goes and I still think of you. They say to give you the moon but just like you it slips out of my hand. the stars shine like the light used to in your eyes when we first looked at each other under this same night sky. you'll share this sky with someone else now but when I look into the stars they'll always say your name.

I genuinely think I am going to die soon. I'm so exhausted. I would never kill myself, but I'm just expecting myself to go from just... mental exhaustion. I'm using the last of my strength to make others happy, since I feel like nobody can help me at this point.

I fucking hate mormonism. I'm sick of it. I'm stuck in fuckass utah, 95% of my family is Mormon, and God they make sure I know it. It's been nearly a year since I've left that disgusting, vile cult and I'm going insane. I wish I could save my 2 younger sisters and just grab them by the shoulders and shake them and tell them that they're in a cult, and that life out here is so much better than they can comprehend right now, that they've been brainwashed for years, how eerily similar it is to the well known scientology cult, and that they need to R U N . And now, the cult leaders lately have been essentially telling the members that if they have a family member or loved one that's "strayed off the path", then they're(the members)aren't being faithful enough, aren't a truly devout member, and that if they truly fucking drown in all the teachings and doctrine and practices, then one day the "strays" will come back. I just want them to see outside. It hurts that I can't save them rn.

its getting bad again . i nvr rly struggled w cutting or stuff like that . but have never felt the need to relapse so badly . i feel like i have no one in my corner nd im js doing this alone again . nd theres a part of me that rly wishes i could take away these feelings nd my actions,but who would i be if i didnt feel the way i do nd do wht i did ? its all js too much nd im honestly thinking abt committing . theres rly only 1 person i can think of that would be able to convince me not to do it . but even then thats a reach . i have so many letters to do bcs id feel 10x worse if i said goodbye w/out one last word . but at the end of the day,do they deserve my careful words when they were the ones who left me alone ? i think abt it everyday nd im trying oh so hard not to do it for another week or two,but god its getting so hard .

i feel like my longtime lover is so disinterested lately. i know we'll get through it, but im just so sick of being anxious and tied up all the time because i feel like i love them so much. I don't know what to do.

literally everything sux sb rn,i've been in this similar situation last year nd i could barely handle feeling shitty like every day . i've started feeling this way again since january . but unlike last year i feel like this week has definitely taken its toll on me . i wasnt able to get to my scheduled therapy tdy . nd i believe that was a breaking point for me . but i forced myself to stop my crying . but i fear i wont be able to stop the tears at some point this week . my mom told me we could just schedule another session for monday,but i worry i wont even be able to make it to next week . not to mention every1 i know,nd dont know have been sticking their nose in my "relationship" nd its so overwhelming nd i genuinely js dont know what to do . im so exhausted . i dont want to vent to any of my friends or family abt it bcs i feel like a burden every time i do . i feel so guilty for talking abt my feelings .

My mum won't accept that I do not want to be a girl and that I want to be a boy. She purposely deadnames me all of the time and uses overly feminine words to describe me. She refuses to buy me a binder or anything else that would help with gender dysphoria because I'm her words "it could ruin your beautiful body for your future husband. I am just thinking about your future, and I don't want your opportunities as a women to go to waste with all of this transgender stuff". I genuinely hate her. I feel like I am being crushed by this everyday and to be honest I am so close to just trying to commit again. Then let's see her call me daughter, when her 'daughter's is dead.

I just need to rest. Everything is getting too heavy. It's just like I can't control my feelings anymore, and I'm afraid of everything. I have a lot of work to do, and not enough time, nor motivation to do any of it. I just tried to bottle it all up by laughing it up, but it doesn't work anymore, and my friends are all noticing something's wrong and asking questions I don't know how to answer, because I don't understand this either. How do I explain to someone what's so satysfying about harming your self because you just can't hurt others? One friend told me something similar, so I wanted to tell her what I did and show her that I understood perfectly and she was not alone, but words didn't come out again

I'm tired physically, emotionally and mentally. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to ease my tiredness with cutting my hair because I can't cut my wrist. Life is so unfair, why do I have to shoulder everything. It's not even my responsibility. I've been working for years, I have to give up studies to work and support them but then even just a day where I can be at peace. They just can't seem to give it to me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost with the things going on.

my ex still likes me and it makes me uncomfortable. He texted me saying he still loved me and will always be waiting. he keeps asking me why I left. My cousin cant do anything. I feel bad, but I have a boyfriend and I hate this. it makes me so uncomfortable, especially with my boyfriend already having mental health struggles. UGHHH

love hit so hard I'm writing a book on this man. exhaustion hit so bad that I cried to my teacher. mommy issues hit so hard that my teacher knows more about me than my "mom" does. Daddy issues hit so hard I only trust my boyfriend and get attached to male teachers and adults, even inside the family. Self-disgust hit so hard that all this happened and I cant even say any of it out loud, except about my boyfriend.

I saw my boyfriend. I apologized. Nothing much changed. Even that gut-wrenching feeling that its all going to go up in flames. but he still held my hand. I love him. I cant lose him. So I'm going to talk to him. he didn't do anything wrong. I'm just scared

I hate the fact that i was groomed. I saw him today. I had a heart attack and i just wanted him to think im pretty after all this time. im so disgusting

I’m ghosting my “friend” of 20 years and I don’t feel bad about it. It took me a long time and three therapists to get through that she is not a good person and certainly not a good friend. She does not care about me, sometimes I think she genuinely hates me. She isolated me from others, but slowly chipped away at my self-esteem - I was never good enough, she was always above me in everything, and I was just this awkward person she put up with… I carried that with me all my life, constantly doubting if people are just pretending to like me… but it was so hard to remove the past, those tiny fun moments I’d like to hope were genuine… I’ve made new friends now.. it’s hard as an adult but for the first time in 30 years I’ve experienced real friendship. It’s nice… I don’t regret this decision to finally breathe and shut out her noise. Life is far too finite to let toxic people use you to make themselves feel better. And trust that the people meant for you will find you.

I miss the love of my life

My wife and I moved in with her grandfather a while ago and after the time I've spent living with both of them, I really want to live alone. I feel overwhelmed by the chores. I'm cooking for them, doing their dishes and their laundry, while maintaining the house in general. I don't mind doing all that stuff but I feel like it'd irk me less if it was just my own. I've tried leaving them to do their own things but it just doesn't get done, and piles up for me. I honestly feel like I'd me a much happier person if I got a small place for just me and my puppy.

My sister and I live together and have done for years. We’d planned to go our separate ways - her with her partner, me with a housemate. It was her decision, she pushed for it even though I wasn’t ready. It took me a while but I finally agreed. Made arrangements. My future housemate is excited… but then my sister broke up with her partner. Her own fault. I told her I can’t cancel on my friend, we were so deep into planning, nearly a year of it… I couldn’t do that to them. She’s moving back to our parents. Today I asked about next steps for put the house on the market. She told me not to rush her (I wasn’t) and that she’s got the worst of this arrangement, that she was the one losing the most, that my friend and I were benefiting from her situation… …I bit my tongue. I gave her sympathy and said we’ll take it slowly. But really… I’m so mad. This is her own fault, she pushed for this, she started the situation that led to the nasty break-up… she only has herself to blame…

I swear no one wants me and I don’t know why I keep going because my mom done left and my da doesn’t like me my brother told me to die and so did my ex best friend and every guy I date dont even want me he just freaking uses me and Im tired of saying Im fine to everyone and Im not Im really not like I think about end in my life every day but never do because no one would care either way so why seek for more attention if Im still not gon get it and oh my gosh the expectations like you expect me to be fine all the time when I’m literally dying inside.