I.. have a guy bestfriend. our friendship is pretty confusing. Just friends.. but more than friends? flirty friendship? anyways, when In the first few weeks of our friendship, he had a crush on this girl at our school. It didn't go so well because the girl wasn't interested. after that, we got even closer. we played Minecraft every night, send each other reels, and messaging each other everyday (we even built a house together and went stargazing in Minecraft). it was great, we never see each other romantically (I hope). but last week, the girl he liked told me that they were getting closer to each other. he still asks me to play Minecraft with him, but.. It just doesn't feel right. what if the girl finds out? I'm supposed to respect their relationship and back off. I should be happy for them, but at the same time, I don't wanna lose a friend. he's the only gaming friend I've got. is it weird that I feel jealous? I don't even like him. idk.. I just need to vent.
Recent Rants
I'm relieved when my partner is out. I feel bad saying that but after ten years of marriage and his unwillingness to be active in his healing, I'm happy when I have a day to myself. His constant negativity about everything weighs on me constantly. Combined with how easily overstimulated and frustrated he gets, I end up dissociating a lot when he's around. This isn't to say I don't understand. He's depressed and has untreated ADHD, but I'm the same + multiple chronic illness and I'm expected to be upbeat all the time and do everything around the house. I'm fucking tired of it, especially now that I have a job. I'm working 6hrs then I come home and keep doing domestic tasks until I go to bed. I barely get time to just sit because he needs something (food, water, physical intimacy for validation/"closeness"). I'm tired.
So there’s this girl that I’ve known for about three years. It’s one of those moments you fall in love with them but you’re not enough for them. Anyways I tried everything to have her like me and it never worked. It seemed like I was doing so much to js wow her. And then this other guy comes in and js does what I was trying to do for a year in 1 month. And it js made me question myself. Like will I ever be loveable or what’s wrong with me? They’ve been dating and I’ve been trying to let her go but I js can’t and maybe I’m an idiot for that. It tortures me everyday js to think of her. Hopefully one day I get over it but we’ll see. Thanks for reading my rant. Bye.
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guys my quince is in a year now and my dads still not out of jail yet. he’s been appealing but they declined each one. My dad isn’t even a violent criminal and he’s in a fucking maximum security prison like wtf??? anyway I refuse to have my quince unless my dads there because he’s already missed so much of me growing up I can’t take that opportunity away from him. I just wanna ask people to send me some good luck and reassurance, yk I hope he gets out before September 2027 I don’t mind having a quince later but I’m just so upset
I want to rip all of my hair out, and burn all my clothes. Nothing looks or feels right, I don’t fit into anything in size and style. This shit sucks.
I feel like i'm seriously lacking something. i've never had a crush or relationship and i love my friends but i've always struggled with the sort of friends i hear about online or in movies. if i made friends at church or an activity ill see them there and chat but we'll never hang out or meet up outside. whenever i go to events or meet ups sometimes ill get peoples contacts but what could i possibly say? we both like each other but not enough to bother them. its ridiculous id want someone to miss me or think about me when im not there. its simply logic that if i died suddenly maybe theyd be sad for a bit but move on after a week or so. i could possibly ask for more than that, its juvenile to want more. getting back to my first point ive never had a favorite color i didnt understand how you pick, always said red since its common and well liked. And ive never had any imagination literally and poor recollection. I feel like an cracked jar always wasting anything people bother to put in.
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The character limit won’t let me mention all three years of evidence of this bitch stalking me and/or being obsessed idk. anyway my ex bsf, c is weird. my cousin is m. we go to the same school just different grades. c came up to my cousin, m and said a nickname only her dad is allowed to call her, which made her uncomfortable and c tried to hug her. C said she was my old friend, which implies I’ve known her for a long and still friends with her when she’s my ex friend🤨. mind u my cousin got bored and prank called c, I didn’t want anything to do with it so I just watched it. when m revealed it was her she called m that nickname again and was acting all close? My cousin was uncomfortable once again cus they never talked and she only started talking to my cousin after seeing us hangout at breakfast at school. deadass she’s SO weird. c keeps trying to talk to the people I’m close to and def get info out of them. It’s weird and that’s the tip of the iceberg. this girl crazy as shit wth
the way people have always treated me isn't fair. i try to keep my cool, make sure everyone's happy do what is right in the moment. but its all so freaking worthless. nothing i do will ever be enough. people wish id die. i just dont freaking get it man. i feel like crying everyday but i can physically get tears out. i'm just sad man
I think I’m wasting everyone’s time and money I’m not smart and I have no goals I don’t even know what I want to do I can’t even write a fucking essay I feel so stupid and incompetent I want to kms
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why is love so hard. why is loving someone so hard. what if its all just a waste of time.
im gonna cry, it's so hard to bring up anything that requires money. i wanna get my teeth checked because the pain is unbearable to the point that pain relievers aren't working. to the person who gave me tips at my other rant, thanks sm man imma try em out... maybe orajel will work. i actually did the salt and water one it works but it's very temporary :'')) god help me it's like a throbbing pain--
i'm so scared to go back to school. i lost all my friends right before my senior year of highschool and i know i can just thug it out until graduation but im scared. so so scared i miss them so much and i want to hate them but i can't. it hurts so much seeing them or thinking of them i don't know what to do. sometimes i think id be better off dead since no one really wants me around. honestly... i think some people would celebrate if that happened, which is horrid to say but to think do i deserve it? that fucking liar who ruined my life, if they just talked it out with me everything would be all right, let me have my fucking peace. i just don't get it man. attention whores kill me inside. whatever.
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I’m a junior in high school, school starts tomorrow I still haven’t fixed my sleep schedule, I’m gonna be dumb af, and I already know I’m going to dread it. I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far Genuinely thought I’d be dead by now lol
Relate to most of y'all. I feel it. A lot. Theres so much I want to say. Limited to 1000 letters. Sad. I'll start. I've lost friends, irl and online from money. Treated unfairly a lot. Tired of life and want to kms. Hate myself. Know shit I don't supposed to know. Seen shit I don't need to see. All at a young age. This may seem little. But... Yeah. I don't know. Random metaphor: imaginr you're emotions, are in a bottle. You haven't let them out for so. So. So. So. So. So. So long. And you want to let it out. Don't dump it. Open the cap, let some carbonation out first. And if it's too much, stop and continue when u can. "But, if we stop, it'll just fill back again" true, but we don't need the bottle to be empty. We just need to stop the emotions from overflowing. About half the bottle to 2/3rds are healthy.
I don't know where to go I don't know what I want I don't know how to fix me I don't know how to fix it I don't know how I can move on I don't know where I am I don't know where you are I don't know how to act I don't know how to talk I don't know how to think I don't know what is wrong with me I don't know how I let it get so bad I don't know why I let it get so bad I don't know what I am doing I don't know how I am doing I don't know I just don't fucking know I know I want to find out where it went wrong I know I want to find a solution for this I know this will take a lot of work I know that this will take time I know that this will take patience I know I want to feel better I know I want to be better I know I fucked up I know that this world does not exist anymore I think it was gone a long time ago I think I know what is right. I was wrong. I think I know what I want. I don't know. I think I can get through this I think we could get through this.