All Rants

I hate how normalized homophobia is nowadays, people on tiktok, or pride parades especially. Let's say, during a pride parade, there's some usual stuff going on, people are having fun and stuff, then these homophobic Christians start yelling and attempting to debate us, and saying some stupid shit about sin. Now on tiktok, people just use homosexuality as a joke, or they just straight up make fun of it

i miss my girl so so much. she was recently discharged from the hospital and her mood has changed significantly due to what i think are her birth control pills and medication. i know she's going through a lot and isn't as chatty as before but i just want her to know that i'll always be there for her no matter what.

i cant do this much longer. my eyes are red from crying 247 i just dont wanna live anymore, i try to restrain myself from sh already but it just feels worse to not be able to release my emotions somewhere, even if it meant hurting myself

i dont wanna live like this anymore

I hate having ocd, everything makes me think i'm a a disgusting pervert and a cruel person. Always themes of morality. I'm so tired, i just want to be a good person but i'm constantly terrified that i come off wrong, everything i say and everything i don't say- i worry that people think i'm a sick person. I blame catholism and being sexually assaulted for making me think like that. I worry that i'll be perceived like the kind of people who've hurt me. I want to be be a good man more than anything else in the world. I want to be a good person who makes people feel safe. I got rid of some ocd rituals but some i can't stop. Meds and therapy don't help me. Mental health system in every country is terrible, so mine is included. Sex scares me so much even though i crave it, i'm both scared of being hurt but also scared of hurting someone else by mistake. I can't joke or talk about it without feeling sick afterwards, though it feels less scary each time i do

i dont know what i want in life, i dont really have a purpose, and the only reason why im still iving is because im living for my best friend. were in different schools so we dont see eachother a lot, but i would proudly call her my soulmate. these days, i lowkey feel like she doesnt really care about me anymore and shes starting to become really dry, i would kill for her and i would die for her, i would do anything for her. but i just feel like its not reciprocated. like i know it sounds selfish but it just seems like no one loves me the way i love them anymore. my mom keeps telling me im a burden and she even told me to go kill myself rly often, i consider it a lot cause i just dont care anymore, can i just die already

she reached out to me a month ago to meet up after two years of no contact. I agreed. now I'm reaching out to her, maybe as a sign of desperation. I feel lonely, incredibly lonely and she can probably sense that. I'm making a fool of myself asking her to meet up. if she were to ask me what's the reason, should I just say I wanted to say goodbye? the only thing I can think about is how to save face and how embarrassed I am for turning to her for help when we're almost strangers. how should I play it off?

what do i do i dont know whether to die or live anymore.

i think im genuinely not suitable for living. im js really fucking stupid and lazy, i dont wanna do anything and these days i dont find anything interesting anymore like i used to, i have no reason at all to life but countless reasons to die. no one cares about me either, all my school friends are entirely fake and i argue with my parents 247.

just started in a new class, with new people, no matter how hard i tried, how hard i try to act like someone i'm not, i couldn't fit in. with now one. i felt all awkward and weird. i'm scared to end up alone for the next three years..

i miss my ex, it has been ten months since we broke up already, he hates me a lot now for some reason and we dont talk anymore, i really wanna forget about him but once i think about the moments we had its just impossible.

i found out my best friends all hungout without telling me about it at all, although i always knew they were toxic it still kinda hurt. i dont have a lot of friejnds but i just know a lot of people, by now, im sure they all hate me. i hope the new semester in sept doesnt feel as hellish as this one did.

I found out my best friends didn’t like me AT ALL and was using me for my grades and talked crap about me all the to and I deff know it’s wrong to dig through someone’s gmail but I swear it was logged into my account so there was notifies and since I was mad I started scrambling everything and I sorta found out there was a (kindof) ‘breakup letter’ adressed to me (it was our school assignment to write one but my name and the adrssed one was similar so I figured it was probably a vent/ anonymous confession) Their reasonings were that they lost friends because they were friends with me but never said anything directly. Like honestly I left for my own reasons because I wanted to start pioritising myself because I felt a negative energy anyways, even when the friendship ended I never talked crap so I confronted them and they ghosted me and even told my friend I was overreacting. I always felt the friendship was tense too but I just tried to be there for them… Am I in the wrong for this?

is it so hard for you to love me?

So when I was ten I attempted to kill myself because my mom was mad I didn't clean up and she told me to kill myself I grabbed cranberry juice and pain meds I don't know how many I took but I still survived and I still won't tell anyone even though I'm 18 now and I'm still depressed and suicidal

Is it necessary to thump/stomp a good third of the time you people (my neighbors) are up there? Did nobody teach you people underneath you hear most of your noise? Maybe one day you'll live underneath someone and experience the crap you've put us through.

inaction has been eating me up from the inside. it's a slow death. you know EXACTLY what to do, when to do it, how to do it. but it's like my mind is in chains. it's a NIGHTMARE where my mind refuses to listen. my thoughts are turning into mush. I'm wasting all the potential i have, the opportunities i have. I'm wasting my days as I've wasted my nights and soon I'd have wasted my youth. I'm waiting for something but there's nothing for me. I am for something, nothing is for me. I have to take action and build that something, can I? yes. Will I? God I hope so.

Very saddened by Hayden Panettiere's death but too embarrassed to post this publicly. I watched her on Heroes when I was a kid and thought she was the coolest. You just never think about that kind of thing happening to performers/artists you admire until it happens.....fly high in heaven, Clairebear...

my life is so bad i dont want to be here anymore

bro i have absolutely no idea how many posts i have put out but its like a damn weight off my chest and all after i got my first gf soo i sometimes wonder does she really love me and will our asian parents ever understand love for the same sex