All Rants

My parents and sister are fighting downstairs again. It's been 2 hours. Fuck life. :)

Every single time. When I have something to look forward to , to get excited about , to be happy n cheerful about .... That stops. Let's say something is all confirmed and all ready to go n I'm excited, but it lasts for a very short time , my happiness is short lived. The plan immediately changes. It's not jus about plans , about everything. Every single time I've noticed this. Evn now. Right now happening. Alwys. I can't evn be happy for a second cus it gets ruined..

Today, I feel that my mom and my therapist let me down today. I am supposed to see my therapist today, but she listed my next appointment in November. Since my mom is on jury duty, she can't help me with this, and I could only send my therapist an e-mail hoping to get answers. I can't call my therapist because she doesn't have a work phone. I have absolutely no one to talk to right now, I need to get this off my chest, because if I don't, I'm going to explode. When I needed my mom the most, she is not here. This makes me both angry and upset, because I have questions that need to be answered pronto, and I couldn't even get that. I am on the verge of crying because of all this, and I can't do anything else right now until this gets resolved. Nothing will make me happy until I get answers. I want answers and I want them RIGHT NOW!

Putang ina!! Edi ako na masamang putang inang magulang!

trying to understand my life cuz i feel that i am pressured to be someone i cant be I have a inner thoughts that tell me that its my life my choices and then when i talk abt it people say im selfish /they understand when they dont .I feel that if i had to stop talking people would ask hy i went quite but its me trying to ughh i cant find the word

sometimes it feels like the only people you can go to are people that don’t know you behind a screen

the life we live is a life without boundries

How does one fall in love??? Does happen to folks who are overly self aware?! Do people just see someone and convince their brain that they are in love? How does this thing work?! As an adult where do you even fall in love without any sort of prior arrangements on meeting a potential?!

I got a job interview tomorrow where my sister works. It's a really easy place and they barely follow regulations so I know it's not that serious. My sister has reassured me that people have done the worst mistakes ever and still not been fired. I'm just so anxious! Not a normal level of nervousness for a job interview but rather I'm genuinely scared. My heart starts pounding and I get a horribly sick feeling in my stomach. I quit two part time jobs due to the panic attacks and depression it caused. I'm trying hard to go to counseling and get better but it's nothing something I can fix overnight. It's one of these moments where I have to do it terrified. I'm usually so used to running from the things I'm scared of but my anxiety has become debilitating recently. I need to learn that doing new things is hard but okay. I also need to learn that it's normal to make mistakes and get in trouble. But sometimes my body feels like it's going to war just from normal existing. i need help

I feel stalled and trapped and muted and fucked up.

And while my ed is slowly destroying me all my family and friends see is this angry person I've became

i cant stand this woman that birthed me, even calling her the word mother would a be a huge disgrace to those who actually are. i am not even mad or directly reacting to the action done towards me... its which corner of the earth did she even pull all of her thoughts out? children slept in the afternoon, soon woke up at mid night apparently its a direct assault, audacious and a command to this woman to serve her children like a servant.... WHERE DID U GET THAT AND WHAT KIND OF THINKING IS THAT‽ so one of the children, got fed up and decided to buy something for the night by herself, then this woman starts singsonging how my sibling will get violated and that men will prey on her outside.... then why dont you go with her at least? this woman took it as if i am audacious for commanding her on what she should do .... THEN SHUT YO FACE HOLE CUZ U TAKE EVERYTHING FROM THE ASS PERSPECTIVE THEN SPEW OUT WASTE

I think i fell out of love w my bf but i cant bring myself to break up he's the only person i have

please someone respond to this. i'm a good person, i don't brag, i have friends, i'm kind and i have nice hobbies. but i want someone to love me, romantically. i have no connections i find meaningful, even though i have so many friends. i have no siblings. i want someone to care about me, even though i love myself. please help!

I hate how normalized homophobia is nowadays, people on tiktok, or pride parades especially. Let's say, during a pride parade, there's some usual stuff going on, people are having fun and stuff, then these homophobic Christians start yelling and attempting to debate us, and saying some stupid shit about sin. Now on tiktok, people just use homosexuality as a joke, or they just straight up make fun of it

i miss my girl so so much. she was recently discharged from the hospital and her mood has changed significantly due to what i think are her birth control pills and medication. i know she's going through a lot and isn't as chatty as before but i just want her to know that i'll always be there for her no matter what.

i cant do this much longer. my eyes are red from crying 247 i just dont wanna live anymore, i try to restrain myself from sh already but it just feels worse to not be able to release my emotions somewhere, even if it meant hurting myself

i dont wanna live like this anymore

I hate having ocd, everything makes me think i'm a a disgusting pervert and a cruel person. Always themes of morality. I'm so tired, i just want to be a good person but i'm constantly terrified that i come off wrong, everything i say and everything i don't say- i worry that people think i'm a sick person. I blame catholism and being sexually assaulted for making me think like that. I worry that i'll be perceived like the kind of people who've hurt me. I want to be be a good man more than anything else in the world. I want to be a good person who makes people feel safe. I got rid of some ocd rituals but some i can't stop. Meds and therapy don't help me. Mental health system in every country is terrible, so mine is included. Sex scares me so much even though i crave it, i'm both scared of being hurt but also scared of hurting someone else by mistake. I can't joke or talk about it without feeling sick afterwards, though it feels less scary each time i do

i dont know what i want in life, i dont really have a purpose, and the only reason why im still iving is because im living for my best friend. were in different schools so we dont see eachother a lot, but i would proudly call her my soulmate. these days, i lowkey feel like she doesnt really care about me anymore and shes starting to become really dry, i would kill for her and i would die for her, i would do anything for her. but i just feel like its not reciprocated. like i know it sounds selfish but it just seems like no one loves me the way i love them anymore. my mom keeps telling me im a burden and she even told me to go kill myself rly often, i consider it a lot cause i just dont care anymore, can i just die already