All Rants

i wish he didnt hate me

i’ve given up on my promotion for manager at my job. every meeting is a constant reminder that my adhd will always be a burden to me. i can’t get medicated for countless reasons and no matter how much i love this job and want to grow and grow old here, i can’t make a living out of it. i’ll never be able to be manager. i watch as others who i think don’t deserve it grow and grow and im stuck here. stuck being nothing, and i think im the one who wants it to the most. i want to be a manager, but ill never have it. all because of my stupid adhd.

Words of wisdom from someone that can look back on their life and think. If ur w/ someone that is constantly talking about themselves leave them. If u think they give a fuck about anyone else but themselves ur sadly mistaken. Someone that makes empty promises that intentionally avoids meeting them is a waste of space that u shouldnt waste ur spit on. Anyone that wants to be famous will gladly sell anything u have, ur organs, ur fucken life just for the lime light. Some ppl are not worth a second glance or even more so to associate w/. If they only care about what u think/want when they want something they have no place around u. If a motherfucker doesnt give a FUCK about their kids THA FUCK DO THEY EVEN CARE ABOUT OTHER THAN THEIR OWN STALE ASS STANK ASS SELF FUCK YOU ROBERT ROSS MCPHAIL ROT IN HELL!!!!

My girlfriend broke up with me over text. Just hours before, I had gone with her to a wedding and met her family. It feels like a betrayal of trust because before we got into anything serious, I made sure to ask if she really wanted to be in a relationship. I level set with her and set boundaries, and gave her a chance to do the same. To renege on all of that after months when nothing between us has really changed really hurts. And to do that over text is maddening to me. She has left me with nothing but a series of text messages to spiral over and refuses to talk to me in person because she is too "busy". I thought I knew her to be kind, but to be so cruel to me and leave me in a time like this. It makes me wonder if I really knew her like I thought I did.

I feel so fucken mad. It makes me happy thinking how much ur in pain. How many hernias u have bursting through ur fucken guts, I fucken hate ur guts. So much time and effort. So much time and effort still pursuing what I have wanted for a long time. Nothing to show for it though, no family, no kids, no partner, no house, no vehicle. Just still hating. I live to think of getting revenge. It makes me so fucken mad to think that u get to be so happy when u carelessly and selfishly ruined mine. I hope there will be a day I get to have that. Someone I once loved I fill with so much hate now.

Elderly people are so insufferable. I know their hearing, eye-sight and physical capabilities have deteriotated, but that still doesn't justify the bad treatment we often get at customer service jobs. I had an elderly client come in our office who spoke in tagalog (filipino) and he loudly complained about my co-worker being unable to speak it. We live in Canada, mind you. CANADA. Unfortunately, he could tell we had the same ethnicity and I had the horrible pleasure of becoming the meatshield for my crew today. This was the first time I wish I was not bilingual. He kept incoherently rambling about irrelevant topics and BEGGING to make a product he wanted to buy cheaper... but that's outside of my control??? On top of that, "correcting" me for doing my job. I don't need someone to correct me over things I've done daily the past 5 years... It was an excruciatingly long hour..

* I moved to a new company after 2 months of being idle in a corporate. This company is substantially smaller than the previous one which is making me doubt my decision * After 2 months of being idle, just playing games and watching streams I feel so out of "work" mode. I cant sit on a laptop to work for more than an hour. * I have a toxic girlfriend that I have to deal with until I break up with * I have a lot to learn for the new company as I lacked a lot of things in experience * I am tired constantly * I have never worked a strict 9 to 5 before (previous company was mostly remote) and I am expected to go to the office 2 days a week  * I am in massive debt and pay around 15K a month, +another 15K for my family where I am forced to support them * I have no money so I am forced to stay at this company until I get another opportunity in a year * I have a huge social anxiety and literally was about to breakdown when I went there for the first time and had to deal with people

I’m drowning in my own thoughts and insecurities I’m struggling so much in life I’m socially isolated because I just can’t get up most days I don’t go to school and I have no one to lean on all my energy goes to mentally l preparing myself and even then I want to crawl up into a ball and cry I get so anxious I have anxiety and panic attacks multiple times a day I have acid reflux that’s constantly triggered and I’m on so many medications to help but nothing helps and sometimes I wonder if I just died if I would feel better I hate living it’s painful and I can’t live with the pressure and hospital trip and the constant fear and anxiety it’s making my depression worse and I can’t

I broke my sewing machine. This is why I don't sew. I haven't sewed in months cause it always frustrates me. (Though I want to get better at it too..) I finally go to sew again to repair the hole in my weighted blanket (which I think I actually did succeed somehow? 😭) but I broke my sewing machine. I think I snapped a piece of plastic on the inside cause that's what it kinda looked like when I opened it up. I broke my freaking machine. It won't even stitch now. This is why I don't sew, because I always mess something up and it makes me really upset..like brings me to tears. Why did I have to break my sewing machine? It's been this way since I was a kid, I think I can do something, I mess everything up, and then I feel like a failure.

It's always more infuriating whenever you're looking forward to something like a show or a gane what have you, and just right outta nowhere, they introduce some non binary BS in it, ruining your day in the process and causing you to turn it off completely. That was the case for me with that Malcolm in the Middle reboot on Hulu. One episode in and I didn't want to watch more of it because it had some of that garbage in it. The fact people normalize it and treat it like it's a good thing continues to bake me even it had no sense to it at all!Like, what's the point of reverting to someone in the plural sense when you can tell someone's a male or female?! There's just no reason for that at all, it just makes things more complicated and more annoying in the process! That's one of the many things I hate about this idiotic decade and all it does is have me wish for a way to return to the time when none of this BS was suddenly becoming more prevalent with this the country’s K-Pop obsession etc

Now that I'm making progress with school, and I'm chasing a career, it feels like the activities I used to do aren't as engaging or feel the same. I've noticed that the hobbies that used to give me life and that small break in life don't feel the same. It feels like I'm stuck or at least going through a transition, and at times it feels like my mind goes blank, all while staring at my ceiling, pondering my next decision in life.

I was raped when I was 7, every-time I went over to my cousins house he would trick me into thinking it was a game. And make me do disgusting things.. this went on for almost a whole year until he finally tried to stick it in me and I screamed from the pain of it, ran upstairs with my pants down in front of my whole family crying. It was all blurry but I remember my mom taking me home and crying while giving me a bubble bath. My cousin got in big trouble. And I was bleeding in the tub a bit. My parents were asking me what he did and I told them. But what makes me frustrated is how I’d get taken back to the house. And I’d have to see him and act like nothing happened. when I got old enough to know what he did and how it was wrong. I asked my dad why he was so fine with my cousin and my dad got pissed with me, told me I tempted my cousin, embarrassed my dad, and that it was my fault that I got raped and that I need to just forgive and forget. My dad broke my damn heart when he said that.

This is y’all’s daily reminder: I LOVE YOUUU. No matter what, I can’t wait to see your dreams come true, I can’t wait to see ur beautiful smile youve been shutting out this whole time. I want to be at the end of the race, cheering u on because ur awesome and u deserve it. I couldnt hope to know what youre going through, but I know you’ll get through it all! I want you to move forward from this moment, imagine my voice calling to you. Even if no one is cheering you on now, remember I am EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. You are precious, you are unique, and I pray you’ll find comfort, love, and peace.

I’m just so tired and I can’t even talk to my friends because they are asleep and I’m scared to ask for help because my whole life I have been told to suck it up and I’m just so exhausted and scared of holding it in

I want to be your friend, but its hard for me, and the fact that I feel I'm trying so hard makes me feel desparate, so I keep it to myself. However, I need to get this off my chest, and until I know where I stand in your circle I just won't know how to act. You make me nervous, but in a good way. Every conversation we have feels like a new life is being breathed into me, and gods, is it intoxicating. I can't meet your gaze when we stand next to each other, because when our eyes lock, even for an instant. I can't focus, and I have to turn away or else I get overwhelmed. I think it's because I'm insecure about my features, and the thought of a potential friend seeing my perceived flaws so clearly is frankly embarrassing. But gods, I could listen to you talk all day long. I want to hear all of your thoughts and opinions, piecing together the patterns until I know you better than anyone else. And how I wish you felt the same way, but until then I'll settle for being just another coworker

I feel like I’m suffocating every breath and word I say feels like a hand around my neck that gets tighter I was scream and cry but I can’t I don’t want to be here anymore but I’ve seen what happened after my dad killed himself and I saw how my mum was but it’s getting harder with each day I struggle to get out of bed or move a lot I pretend it’s all okay and I have tried so much I try to get a therapist and every time I’m put on a wait list because I seem fine and no one believes me when I talk no one listens to me and I can’t I miss life when it was fun and uncomplicated ever since I’ve started high school I’ve shrunk into myself scared that I’ll be rejected and ostracised for being myself I’m struggling to hold on and I want to end it I don’t know how to cope anymore I don’t know how to breath without being constantly aware of every breath and thought I can’t be myself without wondering if I’m being judged I just want it to stop

I can't get you out of my head. It's so frustrating because I can't tell what this feeling is. To be honest, the fact that I think about you isn't even the most frustrating part. To me, the most frustrating part is the fact that I know, with almost absolute certainty, that the feeling isn't mutual. You're probably thinking about everything except me. I am just a tiny blip in your universe and it kills me. I want you to be as obsessed with me as I am with you. Everytime we talk, I never want it to end, I want to hear your voice, see your smile, listen to every thought about every topic that youve ever found interesting in your life. I hate it, and I know it's selfish, but I want to be your best friend, the person you confide in. I want to know all the things that make you sad and happy. I want to be there to support you in everything that you do. I just. Want. You. In all its entirety, whatever that may entail. And...I can only hope you'll someday feel the same way.

So, I'm gay. Just came back from my seniors trip and had my first kiss there. The boy who i kissed is my best friend, i think, who also outed me earlier on the same trip, so i wouldn't get beat up, kind of... The kiss didn't mean anything. When i got home, my mom asked who i hung out with more, and she said that i had better not hung out that much with that best friend else people would think we were together. She also called him the f-slur. Im scared that she'll find out know that everyone in my school knows.

I'm giving up. I think that everything is just so fucked up, especially with what Trump is doing. I'm a trans man in a red state and every day I'm losing more and more hope. I have no clue how I'm gonna get a house, get a job even in the future. My dreams of going to Germany and becoming an Engineer and going to collage are seeming more and more unobtainable. The main reason I am still here is my mother, couldn't stand the idea of how she would be if I died before her. But if I'm living for someone, I'm surviving, not living. I just wanna live.

i hate that i am basically the 2nd useful/dependent person in this family. Since elementary school, i was given such parental roles and responsibilities that i have blocked from my memory and people i grew up with had to tell me that i did. Throughout high school, i could BARELY hang out with friends, i’d always get the excuse “you need to watch your siblings while im at work” and last summer (keep in mind i was 19 than and 20 now) i decided i was fed up, started “rebeling” staying out late, coming back home days later and i’ve been doing that ever since cuz im at the age where i genuinely cannot have these responsibilities stop me from living life. It’s just soooo annoying that my mom still gives me responsibilities that ANYBODY in the house is capable of (except for my younger sister) she babies everyone and here i am ready to move out (this is all over the place sorry)