All Rants

I feel so shitty at the moment my anxiety is getting worse which leads to anxiety attacks and crying not to mention school starts soon and I’m going in to year 9 and I feel like it gets harder each year on the first day bc you wonder do I have everything do I remember where each class is and do I know the teacher and are they nice and will I be able to concentrate and in year 9 u get a new tutor and like no one has met him since he is a new teacher and I have options this year as well 😭😭😭

So I have body dysmorphia or something like cause I can’t remember the name but like every time I look in the mirror I will like suck in because . I don’t like how fat I look and feel because I don’t like how I look if that makes sense then times like when I’m changing in the changing rooms for PE at school and I’ll be like take off my top and I’ll Suck in bc I don’t like they way I look ,and like now I am lying in bed just like I’ll be normally and I’ll lift up my skin bc the way I see myself it’s not the best And I’m 1 month and 11 days clean

I don't feel like myself. I honestly have the hardest time venting cuz i get dismissed. When I look upset, people never care. I can't even trust any of my close friends without them telling lies abt me, talking shit abt me, or spreading rumors abt me. Last time, someone i thought i was close to told my ex i was talking shit abt him and that i wanted him back. i dont. I broke up with him bc he made me uncomfortable, so i didnt want to hurt him and i broke up with him. He was rlly sad and i felt terribly bad abt it, but it was for my own comfort. i told her that i was rlly upset abt it, i even started crying a bit, but she mixed it up and told him i was talking shit abt him and saying that i never rlly wanted to be with him. He texted me the next night and said how much of abad person i was, and that no one rlly liked me for how i acted. when he said that, i immediately started overthinking everything. my personality, my friends, who i can and cant trust. i dont feel safe here anymore..

so much of life is just waiting. I waited to graduate high school, I waited to turn 18, I waited for college to start, I waited to finally get independence. I don’t want to wait. I want my life to start.

Ok so, I get panic attacks (I only started getting them in may) and if I’m not having a panic attack I’m usually crying ⬇️explaining why I get the panic attacks Ok so earlier in the day I was talking to my girlfriend a friend and the friend like me but me and my girlfriend didn’t tell her or anyone in our group that we were dating, so later on than day I have my friend round to my house for my birthday sleepover because my girlfriend couldn’t come so we went on a walk and I was talking my Pinterest board and on Pinterest board which was like a bunch of people like kissing in Photo Booths and I was explaining it cause like I want to be with my girlfriend, but she liked me(my friend)so we were turning around the corner and she kissed me because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend so I kissed it back because I didn’t know what to do and when we got home I told my girlfriend over text and it was like a whole argument in the group and ye I can’t finish but u get the idea and I blame myself

I already confess to someone who I love but he rejected me well it's ok at least I confess everything to him before it's to late

i really liked this guy, like loved. he meant the world to me, and my day will depend on how he treated me. although, my best friend secretly liked him behind mt back and told all of mt other friends. i of course accepted her, since you can’t control your feelings. you can control how you act on them, but her actions weren’t the greatest. me and him became friends in feburary, but she sabotaged it. they were already friends, so he believed her and we couldn’t talk. i might as well confessed, and i got rejected. so i dropped her aswell. however, i find out today that she WAS doing all of this because she liked him, i thought maybe it was a coincidence or that she did it for a different reason. it hurts, because they’re still friends while i’m stuck with nobody.

I hate my life. I've lived in constant fear my whole life, and I've never had a good image of myself. I sit every night, thinking what I could have done better to earn love and affection from my family. I would end it, but I'm too much of a coward to even fucking do it.

What part of living above people do you think it's acceptable to make loud ass bowling ball dropping sounds??!? Whatever they slung and/or dropped sounded like my ceiling was caving in. Wtf is wrong with you people??? Oh don't worry IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE LIVE BELOW YOU!!!!!!!!!! Fuckin assholes.

I feel like I’m a loser in life, and I’m really insecure about that. I feel like I have no personality, I can’t make the same amount of good grades like other people can (although I’m in a special advanced school), Im not good at anything and it’s making me feel really bad about myself. I kinda just feel like a blob that exists because I used to be good at making grades, keeping up with tasks, actually making new friends. But now I just feel like I’m way more painfully awkward to the point some people have trouble talking to me and I have no qualities I can bring up with anyone because I’m just not enough. Im just decent at everything and I’m too weird to make a conversation/friend, sometimes it gets to no matter how hard I try. I think this can also stem from how I slightly dislike my own self, I have internalized homophobia and a hard time seeing my future although I want it so bad it’s just so hard for me to imagine myself because how much of a loser I have been academically. Tanks!

I feel so sad I cant remember to take my medication because all i do is get high and lay in my room on my phone or my laptop. I dont remember how i ended up this way but im so mad at myself for it all the time. I feel like i have no idea what im doing and im only getting dumber and more confused about everything. I love frankie so much but i feel like I ruined our relationship. Ive stolen weed from them so many times just because im chasing a temporary feeling of relief. Literally any second im not high it feels like im gonna have a panic attack and all the food around me feels inedible i get so sick thinking about eating but I'm so hungry. I keep having nightmares of just horrible situations that make me feel so scared and confused by the time i wake up and the worst pat is that most of the time, frankie or vaughn or ken or marcos gets mad at me for some reason in the dream. Or if I'm unlucky its my mom. The tiniest things make me want to cry now and i dont know how to control it.

i hate being so anxious all the timeee 😢 i just wanna talk to a person even if it's just online but i always feel like every single thing i do is wrong (i didn't know what section thingy to put this in sorry..)

I just hate it when freedom of speech is used for bullying, but that's just life.

I try to appreciate freedom of speech, but oftentimes I fucking hate it and it feels unfair to me.

9 days clean. It seems like a memory now. Idk how I've healed so fast I just know I'm lucky too. Don't feel discouraged if its still hard for you though, you deserve happiness and staying feels so much better than relapsing.

people that make fun of porn addictions are gen some of the stupidest people on earth. all you gotta do is press a few buttons. it's not easy to stop either. it's an addiction for a REASON, dipshit. do your research before assuming something.

Fuck period cramps and fuck having a uterus

I've been putting up with it but I see absolutely no benefit whatsoever to staying alive, and I mean that in a completely rational way. I think I'm spiritually an extinctionist but i lwk struggle to gaf about all of this so I don't know. I have no friends, because it's not like I want them, I just feel so sick that it all is meaningless and stupid, and I AM SO TIRED but i'm sixteen. I can't even imagine how much the despair thickens with age, also everyone is a misogynist and I think I really fucking hate everyone

Fuck it, we ball, we gotta keep going TWIN. we got this fr

every day a man finds a new fucking way to piss me off