All Rants

I'm not homophoic but it feels weird when my brother who doesn't have a job, needs help putting on his own shoes and moving a small table in his room, and has autism and is influenced easily is buying cat pantyhoes and fake silicon boobs and I don't want to tell my mom that I feel like my brother us kinda a weirdo but when he started telling her all this she's just like it runs in his family and there's not anything we can do about. I've also just felt like recently my feeling are all put aside because I had to grow up fast and act like an adult at a young age because my mom wanted a perfect assistant so anytime I have emotions or want to cry I have to hide it and cry at night so i don't know what to do anymore and I just feel like I wish my life was more normal.

I’m so tired. Every day seems to go wrong for me. Every time I think I have a chance of getting better, it all just comes crashing down again. Suicide and self harm and stuff have come back to haunt my thoughts after around a years time of ‘recovering.’ I haven’t relapsed, but the thought sounds appealing, sometimes. I day dream about how my death would affect the people around me, how they would finally see how much I was suffering. I can barely feel loved anymore. One wrong tone sets me off and I break down again. My attachment issues are so bad, especially towards my girlfriend. And I feel like I’m always annoying her with all of my anxiousness. I just wish I could somehow prove I’m not okay, that I could get some actual comfort and sympathy. I’m constantly drained, in physical and mental pain, and everyone pushes me farther to my limit. I’m really, really trying my hardest, but I’m not this strong. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I was gone.

if i go, im sorry. im sorry i turned 18, and didnt live longer than that. im sorry i never went to my dream school. i always felt lost, that i was only doing things for others. never getting that same effort back, never getting an apology, never receiving affection. i cant handle it anymore, there really isnt anything left. anything to go to, anything to achieve. it just feels like my whole mind and body is constantly in pain. i can’t think for one second without how i was treated and imagining how i could just pass any moment. im impatient, im exhausted that it’s gone this far long. if you loved me, you would’ve shown it before i died

In the end it’s all the unspoken word, the lies you tell, the silent cries when no one’s around. The thoughts get louder as the room fades into silence and my brain cant handle it all. The tears brim at my eyes and my hand slides up to clutch my mouth. Stay silent, if they know you’re showing emotion with no “justifiable” reason you’ll get called dramatic or an attention seeker. You always have to listen to them speak but whenever it’s your turn you’re simply dismissed. That’s what we’re taught from a very young age. Only cry if there’s a reason to cry, but in hispanic culture depression and anxiety aren’t a real thing. It’s all just mental

i relapsed again. a month ago i promised myself i would live to my fullest potential, i would live freely, i would be honest, and i would get the help i needed. i ghosted my friends for a month during that time and after i got back in contact with them, they told me that they would be there when im struggling. they were scared i was going to die. yet, right now, it feels like everything is drifting, i feel like im losing a part of myself again, im losing my friends. i tried to get help from them but it feels like my own emotions are too much for them to handle. so for the past 2 weeks, i have no idea what to do. to plan my passing? to keep going? if im going to be alone again, i might as well end things alone

Yeah ya hypocritical fucker, you sit there and claim that I don't have any right to be claiming the benefits I do for my health conditions and keep spreading that myth that the financial help I get is only supposed to be used for mobility only. That's B.S and you know it. I don't even get the mobility part! Yet, you insist its mobility its used for and getting around when it isn't. You who can walk and drive and get around just fine yet you are claming it for your ADHD, ASD, anxiety, and depresison and other physical ailments that have nothing to do with mobility at all? You can bend over to suck your own cock. They didn't deny me or argue me my claim at all when it was made the first time (unlike you and your friend.) God damn, sometimes the worst and most uncompassionate and judgemental people are the ones WITH the disabilities towards others with disabilities.

everyday it’s getting harder to breathe. sometimes im just waiting each day, for it to past and for myself as well. its feels like im waiting for something that’ll never come

i have a test in 8 hours and i still havent learned anything and i also want to sleep but my mind doesnt let me do either. im scared that my dad is gonna get mad at me and beat me up or something because im doing really fucking bad in school. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant do anything. i want to but i cant.. i try to but i cant. i just want this to stop. i want to be better at life :( i want to be a better person

I feel like a ball of lard sometimes, like im a disguting wakling creature who disgusts anyone who looks at me. Whenever I get in a realtionship i feel like people are saying how disgusting we look as a couple and if u have a cuter significant other itll feel like im just lucky for getting them. everyone must be thinking how did that ugly, disgusting, ball of lard get them. lol gramarlly said this might sound dissaproving to others. sometimes i genunienly feel like i really couldnt care less and im so pretty and other days i feel like there is someone out to get me. these thoughts used to be worse which did get me arrested and in a mental hospital. worst experience ever. i felt so alone and more disgusted with myself and still thought all of them there must have hated the way i look, smell, walk or even breathe. or maybe taking the biggest shit of my life would help me feel clean. like to the point my guts are going to come out. skinned alive and put on a new coat. a clean one. maybe

I think my partner is losing feelings and I just need someone to talk to about everything going on right now

I'm a white guy and I want to see my girlfriend guy banged by some bbc, is that normal or ok?

i wish he didnt hate me

i’ve given up on my promotion for manager at my job. every meeting is a constant reminder that my adhd will always be a burden to me. i can’t get medicated for countless reasons and no matter how much i love this job and want to grow and grow old here, i can’t make a living out of it. i’ll never be able to be manager. i watch as others who i think don’t deserve it grow and grow and im stuck here. stuck being nothing, and i think im the one who wants it to the most. i want to be a manager, but ill never have it. all because of my stupid adhd.

Words of wisdom from someone that can look back on their life and think. If ur w/ someone that is constantly talking about themselves leave them. If u think they give a fuck about anyone else but themselves ur sadly mistaken. Someone that makes empty promises that intentionally avoids meeting them is a waste of space that u shouldnt waste ur spit on. Anyone that wants to be famous will gladly sell anything u have, ur organs, ur fucken life just for the lime light. Some ppl are not worth a second glance or even more so to associate w/. If they only care about what u think/want when they want something they have no place around u. If a motherfucker doesnt give a FUCK about their kids THA FUCK DO THEY EVEN CARE ABOUT OTHER THAN THEIR OWN STALE ASS STANK ASS SELF FUCK YOU ROBERT ROSS MCPHAIL ROT IN HELL!!!!

My girlfriend broke up with me over text. Just hours before, I had gone with her to a wedding and met her family. It feels like a betrayal of trust because before we got into anything serious, I made sure to ask if she really wanted to be in a relationship. I level set with her and set boundaries, and gave her a chance to do the same. To renege on all of that after months when nothing between us has really changed really hurts. And to do that over text is maddening to me. She has left me with nothing but a series of text messages to spiral over and refuses to talk to me in person because she is too "busy". I thought I knew her to be kind, but to be so cruel to me and leave me in a time like this. It makes me wonder if I really knew her like I thought I did.

I feel so fucken mad. It makes me happy thinking how much ur in pain. How many hernias u have bursting through ur fucken guts, I fucken hate ur guts. So much time and effort. So much time and effort still pursuing what I have wanted for a long time. Nothing to show for it though, no family, no kids, no partner, no house, no vehicle. Just still hating. I live to think of getting revenge. It makes me so fucken mad to think that u get to be so happy when u carelessly and selfishly ruined mine. I hope there will be a day I get to have that. Someone I once loved I fill with so much hate now.

Elderly people are so insufferable. I know their hearing, eye-sight and physical capabilities have deteriotated, but that still doesn't justify the bad treatment we often get at customer service jobs. I had an elderly client come in our office who spoke in tagalog (filipino) and he loudly complained about my co-worker being unable to speak it. We live in Canada, mind you. CANADA. Unfortunately, he could tell we had the same ethnicity and I had the horrible pleasure of becoming the meatshield for my crew today. This was the first time I wish I was not bilingual. He kept incoherently rambling about irrelevant topics and BEGGING to make a product he wanted to buy cheaper... but that's outside of my control??? On top of that, "correcting" me for doing my job. I don't need someone to correct me over things I've done daily the past 5 years... It was an excruciatingly long hour..

* I moved to a new company after 2 months of being idle in a corporate. This company is substantially smaller than the previous one which is making me doubt my decision * After 2 months of being idle, just playing games and watching streams I feel so out of "work" mode. I cant sit on a laptop to work for more than an hour. * I have a toxic girlfriend that I have to deal with until I break up with * I have a lot to learn for the new company as I lacked a lot of things in experience * I am tired constantly * I have never worked a strict 9 to 5 before (previous company was mostly remote) and I am expected to go to the office 2 days a week  * I am in massive debt and pay around 15K a month, +another 15K for my family where I am forced to support them * I have no money so I am forced to stay at this company until I get another opportunity in a year * I have a huge social anxiety and literally was about to breakdown when I went there for the first time and had to deal with people

I’m drowning in my own thoughts and insecurities I’m struggling so much in life I’m socially isolated because I just can’t get up most days I don’t go to school and I have no one to lean on all my energy goes to mentally l preparing myself and even then I want to crawl up into a ball and cry I get so anxious I have anxiety and panic attacks multiple times a day I have acid reflux that’s constantly triggered and I’m on so many medications to help but nothing helps and sometimes I wonder if I just died if I would feel better I hate living it’s painful and I can’t live with the pressure and hospital trip and the constant fear and anxiety it’s making my depression worse and I can’t

I broke my sewing machine. This is why I don't sew. I haven't sewed in months cause it always frustrates me. (Though I want to get better at it too..) I finally go to sew again to repair the hole in my weighted blanket (which I think I actually did succeed somehow? 😭) but I broke my sewing machine. I think I snapped a piece of plastic on the inside cause that's what it kinda looked like when I opened it up. I broke my freaking machine. It won't even stitch now. This is why I don't sew, because I always mess something up and it makes me really upset..like brings me to tears. Why did I have to break my sewing machine? It's been this way since I was a kid, I think I can do something, I mess everything up, and then I feel like a failure.