All Rants

I can't get you out of my head. It's so frustrating because I can't tell what this feeling is. To be honest, the fact that I think about you isn't even the most frustrating part. To me, the most frustrating part is the fact that I know, with almost absolute certainty, that the feeling isn't mutual. You're probably thinking about everything except me. I am just a tiny blip in your universe and it kills me. I want you to be as obsessed with me as I am with you. Everytime we talk, I never want it to end, I want to hear your voice, see your smile, listen to every thought about every topic that youve ever found interesting in your life. I hate it, and I know it's selfish, but I want to be your best friend, the person you confide in. I want to know all the things that make you sad and happy. I want to be there to support you in everything that you do. I just. Want. You. In all its entirety, whatever that may entail. And...I can only hope you'll someday feel the same way.

So, I'm gay. Just came back from my seniors trip and had my first kiss there. The boy who i kissed is my best friend, i think, who also outed me earlier on the same trip, so i wouldn't get beat up, kind of... The kiss didn't mean anything. When i got home, my mom asked who i hung out with more, and she said that i had better not hung out that much with that best friend else people would think we were together. She also called him the f-slur. Im scared that she'll find out know that everyone in my school knows.

I'm giving up. I think that everything is just so fucked up, especially with what Trump is doing. I'm a trans man in a red state and every day I'm losing more and more hope. I have no clue how I'm gonna get a house, get a job even in the future. My dreams of going to Germany and becoming an Engineer and going to collage are seeming more and more unobtainable. The main reason I am still here is my mother, couldn't stand the idea of how she would be if I died before her. But if I'm living for someone, I'm surviving, not living. I just wanna live.

i hate that i am basically the 2nd useful/dependent person in this family. Since elementary school, i was given such parental roles and responsibilities that i have blocked from my memory and people i grew up with had to tell me that i did. Throughout high school, i could BARELY hang out with friends, i’d always get the excuse “you need to watch your siblings while im at work” and last summer (keep in mind i was 19 than and 20 now) i decided i was fed up, started “rebeling” staying out late, coming back home days later and i’ve been doing that ever since cuz im at the age where i genuinely cannot have these responsibilities stop me from living life. It’s just soooo annoying that my mom still gives me responsibilities that ANYBODY in the house is capable of (except for my younger sister) she babies everyone and here i am ready to move out (this is all over the place sorry)

My mother sees my existence as a threat to hers. She manipulates stories so much that when i explain it to my therapist, i say "but i don't know what actually happened" like 5 times per topic, and have to be reassured that its okay. a mother's embrace should be warm, but hers is filled with immaturity i can't explain. She gets over everything so fast, and assumes i do to. She wants me to change myself for the fighting to stop, she can't admit that it starts with her.

I relapsed today after two years. I cut myself pretty bad. I don't feel good about it. Especially cause I did because I got my heartbroken pretty bad. I made so much progress these last couple of years. I have made amazing friends, my health is better, I quit my shitty job, I'm medicated well, my grades are awesome, I'm starting grad school this Fall. But on rejection from someone I've been in love with for nearly 10 years and it feels like nothing has changed at all. Suddenly I'm back in the hole and feel like nothing matters anymore. I know these feelings aren't forever but it's how I feel right now. Crazy to think that just 2 weeks ago I was in floating in the clouds and I felt like my life was finally going right. It's not just the rejection that hurts. It's the fact that the rejection stems from his own hurt and misery that he just can't seem to get help for. I want to help and be there for him but he won't let anyone in.

Feeling alone and misunderstood.

Honestly just a mix of School and Health I have a condition called hypothyroidism where your thyroid doesn't produce enough hormones, which slows your metabolism. It causes really bad stress and mood changes, etc. My problem is, anytime I do something remotely stressful and I can't figure it out, I go into a full blown panic mode and as a procrastinator, I have this graduation mandatory presentation called Defense of Learning. Basically an all about me pres that explains what you've learned and have been a part of in school. So I'm doing the presentation two days before it's due and I'm on the first slide, have been for the last two hours, and all I have is a background because I want it to look pretty. I go on Pinterest, try to download some transparent pictures, none of them are transparent, I upload them on a website to MAKE them transparent, and the file isn't supported. I'm stressed out already and I'm freaking out because I feel like I'm not gonna get this done. Idk what to do.

I miss my German Shepherd, Madison. She passed away suddenly almost a year ago. I still expect her to jump on me when I come home and to hear her excitedly shuffling her paws on the floor as I walk in through the door. The pain comes and goes. I know I will see her someday but, damn, it is a roller coaster of emotions beginning with the joy of her memories, followed by the grief of knowing she is no longer with me, and finally ending in the assurance that we will meet again someday.

Im so done. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO DONE!! I want to throw a fit. I want to scream and yell and kick. I want to cry and sob and punch. I want to throw and stomp and grab. I want to fall to my knees in the rain in an empty street and just scream and sob. That's what I would say. but really? I just want to go to my boyfriend and sob. and tell him Im sorry. and tell him how horrendous everything but him feels. Call me crazy or obsessed. but that's all I really want. I want him to hold me and let me sob, but I want him to be able to come and vent to me. But I also want to see him happy. I love him. but I'm done with everything else. I still want to cry, but I cant stand crying alone. I don't want attention. I just want to be held.....

my father has a god complex. he had just warned me about how god gives HIM blessings so that he can SHARE them with the family. Essentially, saying that he is god's disciple, and that we better respect him unless we want a whooping from the big guy in the sky. He is an extreme narcissist, as he constantly screams in his room, alone, cussing out ghosts, and hitting the walls and floors with bats, not stopping until we come in and check on him. Not to mention the way he speaks about my mother. Oh boy. He believes my mother has "been possessed by satan" all because she avoids talking to him. Holy shit. Holyyyy shit. He's yelling currently, talking about who knows what. OH! Forgot to mention that he threatens to kill himself unless my mother and I start "acting nice" to him again. By the way, we are never mean in the first place. He is jobless but we let him eat OUR FOOD, use OUR AC, sleep in the house WE paid for. Jesus Christ I need this man gone.

I can’t criticize my sibling can’t ask them anything and can’t remember I want to Recover but it feels like my sibling yells I hate them so so much

Due to depression I gained weight until 50kg, my mom said I was fat, I developed an ed and lost 5 kg in 2 months, now she say that I m pretty and skinny and that’s good that I lost weight. I can never be loved at a healthy weight, 50 kg wasn’t even that high… I still think I m huge and I need to lose more weight. I feel like if i m fat, my mom will never love me, and it’s true

Genuinely i’m an attention seeker, cuz what do you mean that i’m willing to hurt myself just so people can pay attention at me and make sure that i feel okay and loved??? i’m willing to twist my ankle, create bruises on my skin, falling on concrete on purpose just for what??? for them to say “i’ll be here for you” i’m genuinely going insane and i feel so pathetic that i keep doing this just so people look at me and do special treatments

I hate my brain and my life. I keep failing and failing with something that i used to be good at. Now, it feels there’s a monster crawling inside of my body, make me feel that i’m no longer a human being that feels emotions and love. And the worst of all, i keep lying to people….I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I KEEP LYING THAT I’M FINE, IM NOT FINE PLEASE SEEK HELP. everytime i lie, the guilt started to get to me, it gives me the urge to sh because thats the only way to punish myself….now idk who to seek help..my heart feels very empty and SHIT ITS PAINFUL, IT FEELS LIKE I COULD DIE BY THIS PAIN AT ANY TIME..

I am so tired of people. Maybe I am the problem and attract such people, but it always feels so bad. In fact, it feels like after some time I am left with no one. It feels like if suddenly a chain of unlucky things started happening in my life. First, person#1 started rumors about me in school, but my few classmates didn't let it go unnoticed, exposed them and because of that, #1 who left school. But #1 called it "bullying"😿 and leaked some of my photos with face. Then another person#2 was in my life, I was happy. We made company in our city. But #2 was inactive, didn't do their job. #2 started threatening me with suiciee when I said that I want changes. And now another person#3 left. My friend didn't support a joke about race and #3 started kinda being rude. Another person spoke up, not about #3, just said joke is weird #3 started being aggressive, calling them names and all. when #3 were told to be quiet, #3 got mad. Am I the problem? Is there something possible to be done?

im usually sociable but i feel like i havent had a real conversation in days. i eat breakfast lunch and dinner with my family, but i don't get any messages from my friends unless i text first and i'm stuck in my room too dysfunctional to do my work but with too much work to get up and go speak with my family. every message i get feels detached, almost like i'm not talking to a real person, and it hurts to think about asking someone to talk to me longer because i'm desperate for human interaction. i know they'll do it if i ask, but it just feels so pathetic, and it'll just make me feel like all my friends are fake. i feel like i'm sitting here doing absolutely nothing, flipping between my work, my music and my social media, and nothing is happening on my work and nothing is happening on my messages.

I hate it when mum says ily after a fight, but I don’t remember the last time she said it just because she felt like it. “Youre so closed off” Yea, i wonder why. Maybe bcuz you never bother to stop and ask what im doing. Y’all always hated everything I like and shamed me for it. And now she’s complaining that I don’t talk to them…

i feel like im not cared for by other people. I know i am, but... I just dont feel it. I dont feel like im loved or cared for, even if i know they do. It just pisses me the fuck off. ykw? no. im noy pissed off. im depressed because i dont feel like i can trust anyone enough so i have to come to this anon vent website. how pathetic am I? too pathetic. I hate myself and my life. Im trying SO hard to not relapse or anything ut it gets to a point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this!! i hate everything!! I just wish someone would push past when i say im okay. i wish someone would gently but firmly make me talk. i want to talk. i want to tell the truth, but i just.. cant. i get scared because im a fuckking pussy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im raging enough to kill someone or break everything in my house but i cant because i will have to pay to repair everything