All Rants

Feeling like an idiot because I made a mistake. I keep making mistakes each week and they’re piling up. I don’t think my anxiety can take much more. I wish I had someone in my life to reassure me that everything will be okay, even if it’s a lie.

I will get rid of my life by the end of the week most likely

i predict that i will die at 22 and i will die a virgin. my mental health is all over the place. home doesnt feel like home, i hate my body and how it’s mine forever, i hate how i look, i hate what im going through, i hate how i have too many responsibilities to give up, i hate how ive failed committing twice, i hate how now matter how hard i try — i see no meaning and i see no worth in continuing to live other than to live for other people. seriously, what the hell do i do with myself? at the end of the day, everyone dies. i might as well rid the government of another immigrant and rid the government another person to be responsible over. i might as well stop making my friends feel too special, or they’ll feel they're the only reason im alive. i might as well stop wasting everyones time and disappear, it’s just easier that way. idk lol

Have you ever looked around and realized that your friends aren’t really your friends? To you there your main friend group. But really they all have a list of people they would choose before you. Like when you’re in a circle talking, they push you out. When your walking in a line and they close into together and push you out and your just walking awkwardly behind them. I honestly don’t think they’re doing these things to hurt my feelings. They just don’t care. They don’t care if I’m there or not cause they’ll never notice and unless I force myself into conversations. They don’t care if they’re leaving me out cause they don’t see me as a person. The one person I genuinely love hanging out with, who pushed all the people I loved to hangout w her, just doesn’t care anymore. She was and still always is my first choice but she would pick so many people before me. She used to be not popular but ever since she has been she’s just been walking right past me to talk to her cool friends.

i actually hate the people i have surrounded myself with! i forgot how much i actually dont like these people. i keep thinking its my fault becuase i have a mental disorder but no. these guys actually suck!! I need to go back to being a furry and making art and reading and rock climbing and running and archery and writing books and watching animated shows and stupid furry animations and playing video games. i need to go back to art and skateboarding and keeping up my grades and making awesome culinary stuff. i just fucking hate these people. im thinking about doing culiary stuff after high school. or mabye learning french? going to france? i love culinary things and i think i might want to do that over the medical feild. i feel awful for saying that becuase I got my moms hopes up by saying i wanted to be an emt. but that was when i wanted to kill myself, and was self harming.

one of my only family members is dying. my wife responded to this by saying she needs to be on her phone alone so she isnt upset about it. i am coping with this alone and not for the first time. she keeps lying to me and every time something bad happens in my life i have to manage her needs. it's starting to drive me insane i already have lost a lot of people - family cut me off for being gay as it is - and the only person who i chose to care about keeps blanking me or straight up lying to me about things such as "quitting smoking" or "applying for jobs" (she is chronically unemployed). i was sold a life where id be loved and now i am managing someone else forever even in my most difficult and stressful moments. i dont know what to do

god i feel like nothings going on in my life. i used to have it all. fuck man. my life is so boring now. i have no freinds, my hobbies dont bring me joy, im bland, i do nothing. even doing things like hanging out with people sucks. i should probably see my therapist but i also fucking hate her. theres something wrong with me. i hate. where i am right now. i dont want to be this person. i dont like the people i associate and hang out with. they are assholes and incredibly judgemental. i just. i want to make art again. i dont want to be a pussy anymore. im going to actually say what i think. im not going to hang out with people i hate. i would rather be alone than hang out with awful people. im going to save money and do art. im going to watch fun movies and color my hair. im going to see my therapist.

spent 75 dollars on junk food and alcholol and just binged. woke up feeling sucky about both the stupid waste of money and the amount of food eaten. I also have a super big water polo game where my entire team depends on me being there. I actually hate water polo but im in it for my freind. Lowkey hate my job, hate my sport, hate spending money. my birthday is in a couple of days and i didnt even realize it. i cant belive that over the year that i got into college and out of high school i lost all my freinds and i literally dont have any freinds except 2 online ones. i also realized that for the past few months i have been slowly turning myself into more female and christian passing to fit in with the girls at my church. i havent been doing any of the hobbies that used to bring me joy like art and watching shows. just dieting and excercise. i fucking hate the people at church to.

i was told by my own sister that nobody cares about me, i am a burden to everyone and i should kill myself

I hate my body so so much. I'm so thin that I can see my ribs poke out when I lean my body backwards. I can see my veins and arteries on my forearm. I'm severely underweight. It doesn't help that I'm 5 foot 5 and a boy. I still have a few years left until I'll stop growing completely, but it's just so painful to look at myself. I hate the way others look at me like I'm some kind of malnourished scrawny little rat. I just can't gain weight for the life of it!! I hate that the weather is changing and now I have to wear t shirts so everyone can see my thin arms. I've barely gained any weight since so long. Doesn't help that I live in a terrible and judgmental country. It just makes me not want to go outdoors. It's not that I hate the outdoors, quite the opposite, I just hate society's expectations. I'm really glad that my parents don't mind as much as I do. I can't ever stop wondering when I'll stop being below 15kg/m2. It's really infuriating and messes up my confidence and self-esteem!!

We are going to be hanging out for the first time today. I know it's just over a discord call, but I can't help but be excited about it. I wonder how different your voice sounds over the phone, and I'm so excited to know what your thoughts and opinions are on the show you've been watching. You're probably the biggest fan of said show that I know out there. Tbh it's really cute how excited it makes you, and hopefully, as time passes, you'll let me know what other topics and hobbies get you that excited. I'm excited about all of it, but also a little nervous because I'm not the best at phone conversation. Although, I really hope that conversation flows as smoothly with you over calls as it does when we're in person. Anyways, enough about that. Can't wait to hang out later today, and I hope you feel the same! 🥰

I'm absolutely disgusted in learning that someone I know had a romantic relationship with someone underage. The relationship only ended because that person broke it off, and I don't know how to process the anger I feel towards the adult in the situation. It's not about me. And yet, I still want to confront them about this since they don't know that I know.

There is a boy from school that I like very much and I think he likes me back. I mean, he shows all of the signs of liking me back and the one person that knows I like him thinks he likes me too but I am at a crossroad because I don't know if I should tell him or not because he isn't apart of my religion so my mom would never agree and if I do tell him I like him I can't just ask him to wait for me. Can I? He is only a year older than me so not a huge age gap but part of me feels like maintaining a relationship with him and God together would be hard and of course I love God so much more than this boy but at the same time this boy means a lot and I guess I would never sacrifice my relationship with God for a boy I don't know what to do!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck ive been in uni with no breaks for 20 months straight and i wanna blow my shit off smoveeeeeee got one last shitty ass final tomorrow which im just not prepared for and trying to cram as much as i can this suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks I WANNA BE A DEGENERATE PLEASE GOD, NO WORRIES JUST DO WHATEVER I WANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. WHY DIDNT I DECIDE NOT DO A SHITTY ASS 4 YEAR STEM MAJOR WHICH JOB PROSPECTS ARE AND WILL BE DOG SHIT FOR ATLEAST THE NEXT 3 YEARSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I WANNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i just dont feel helpful enough, everyday im loosing my spark over loosing a couple friends. i just wanna escape the real world and stay in bed.. my mother talks to a random man on the phone. my mama gambles- im only 10- i never had a childhood. my parents are divorced. i wanna stay at my dads cause he's the only one who brightens up my world. hes the only person i talk to, i jsut dont feel good enough. im going insane with all these thoughts.. help me escape plz.

I’m 17, I am looking for a job but I have had no look with getting hired. I’m starting college next year, and it’s expensive, I don’t want to rely on my parents to pay for it all, it’s not fair to them. I also need to get another car, as mine isn’t doing well. I’m stressing about the money situation, because i feel like this is all relying on me. I don’t want to burden them with my feelings like this, I never do, I just fight through it because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been trying to find side hustles to pay for all this and everything but I’m struggling. My family isn’t poor or anything, I just feel super guilty with them paying for all this stuff for me. They deserve better, I feel so behind at my age, people are already making 5 figures a month and I don’t even have a job, I feel worthless. But I’m not sure what else to do, so I’ll just keep fighting I guess, try and find my way out of this.

this is why i hate my race. i know what lies deep down those masks. each one of them just critizing waiting for someone to mess up and hiding behind their religious beliefs. so fucking annoying i wish everyone super religious can just be erased off the planet of earth but in a gruesome way because all they do is cause pain and anxiety onto other people its disgusting. their self definition of rightness is disgusting. also the victimizing dont even get me started. they think they had it the worse because of all the "demons" (aka struggles) in their life. sometimes we do need to compare our struggles to others and recognize we didnt have it so bad instead of being boohoo poor me like no. like this bitch telling me she was hit by her parents but loved by her friends. wasnt loved by her husband but found someone else who loved her. people dont see how good they have it someday and just victimize themselves. poor me my past was so bad so idk why ur not helping me and feeling bad forme.stfu

you ever just feel like the one person you wanted to believe in you doesnt, no matter what i fucking do there is always this distrust because of every idiotic stupid person in her life who gives her advice. maybe saying im in the wrong and how she shouldnt be apologizing cause shes the granda. fuck this stupid fucking idiotic life bro. i wish i was dead. no matter what i say she never believes in me and when i joke and feed into her lies its like she was finally proven right and she was always right. thats what pisses me off the most cause she isnt right shes always been in the wrong about me since day fucking one. never took time to understand me NOT ONE FUCKNG TIME. this is wrong for me to say but i wish she could fucking die and be gutted right in front of me. i want to be the one gutting her, stripping her of any rightousness she thinks she has. its all a lie which she has been hiding behind for many years. somene end her pls, she stains the world and everyone on her side.

I hate it when people are nice to me. I know I should be grateful for my wonderful friends who want to make me feel better but it frustrates me. It feels like they're just doing it to feel better about themselves, I know it isn't. It reminds me that I'm falling short as a friend. I cant be there for them. I cant start conversations or tell them I love them because it freaks me out. And they're so patient when they should hate me for all of that. I have no right to be mad about it but I am.

I haven't been engaged very long, and I am very well aware he has been married before, and idk if I'm being immature or if this is valid, but I have always wanted this one song to be for my father-daughter dance, and he just told me no because of his ex Im not sure if im being childish or not but this kinda hurts as i have planned a dream wedding since i was little and the song is the only thing that has never changed. I wish he understood how I was feeling, but it hurts me also because that song has always been special to me, and now I can't use it for my special day. It genuinely pisses me off that we start talking about weddings, and he keeps b up his ex-wife and his ex-partner. I don't know if he just isn't completely over them or no I hope I won't be a mistake &I hope he genuinely cares & all he does when he brings them up is make me worry that he wants to go back to them & it makes me very insecure and makes me feel extremely childish. Am I crazy or being immature idk.