All Rants

I started to get bullied at six years old and ever since then I have viewed my body with such distain. I recently read through some diary entries to which I saw myself at 12 describe myself as monstrous and displeasing to look at. And as I have grown older that has only amplified with those I meet. Each comment piled atop on another like a grain of sand filling an endless bucket which only gets heavier and heavier with each day that passes, with each snide remark and each disgusted look I receive. When I was 14 I began to think I was unlovable, purely because of my body, all the boys would always say I’ve the skinnier, smaller, prettier friend, so I eventually gave up. Whenever I would fall in love I would look in the mirror and repeat “nobody wants you fat a$$” until I understood what I believed my worth was.

My best friend has been ignoring me for two months now. It was completely out of the blue, no explanation whatsoever. I miss talking to her so badly. It’s so hard to not have a go to person, someone you be honest with, someone you can joke with, someone you can cry with. Now I’m crying all alone for the millionth time. I feel so lonely. I feel like everyone else must hate me now, or will hate me eventually and leave me once they get bored. I mean, people move on, maybe this is normal. It’s probably weird to be mourning a friendship of like, 2-3 years. I don’t know I always get too attached. And I’ve been left before, and I’ll continue to get left again and again and again. I really hate myself right now and I don’t see that stopping anytime soon. I hate myself and I still love her even after she decided she was sick of me, I hate hate hate. HATE. I hate all of this, this isn’t fair, why am I so upset about this, is this normal? Should I be this upset? I don’t know

How tf is some random lady going to come stop my washing machine, take out all my wet soapy clothes and just lay them on a counter so she can do her, obviously more important laundry? I am apartment living, for reference. I set timers to get to the laundry room within the MINUTE It is done. "Oh, im sorry my kid had an accident so I had to take all of your stuff out" YOU MY TOOK CHILDRENS CLOTHING OUT OF MY WASHER- I HAVE KIDS TOO. the insane entitlement and disrespect ohmygoooood . My son decided behind my back he was going to go take all of her laundry out and throw it in a big wet pile to see how it feels. Not fond of the fact he did this but maybe she will think twice about messing with other people's things.

i want someone who loves me. someone who is there. a man that will spend his time getting adopt me pets just for me. i crave love, but im too young and should focus on study. ik this is bad but i want someone,anyone just to notice me. no one.

i feel like im insecure, of my body, teeth, way i talk,ance and so much more. i feel so hurt when others comment on smth i dont like. believe me if i could change the way i am i would. and yes ik that everyone is special in their owns ways but i cant see how special i am

I wish people actually liked me. I’m not a bad person, I know that, people will talk to me, and open up to me pretty easily, I’ve never really experienced people being disappointed with me socially. I’m just not ‘good’ enough either. Out of all of the people in the world, I’m just good enough that you’ll speak to me, but never enough that you’d think to invite me anywhere, never enough to text back, never enough that someone would ask how I’m doing, or care if they hadn’t heard from me. And it sucks, I’ve always tried to be good, and these last few years I’ve been working on myself too! So why isn’t that enough for the people around me? It’d be enough, if someone played a game with me every once and a while, just so I know I’m worth something.

I hate my parents I feel like I have no one by my side Everyday they would ruin my mood just because of them seeing me in phone Like...??? Everytime they told me useless like every time I feel like I'm just a no one to them Every time I got home I can't even open to them I can't even say I'm tired because according to them they are tired to I'm Tireder Than I Am I don't wanna go home anymore I'm tired idk I can't explain what I'm feeling rn I can't do anything I don't know anymore

im done with all my friends. they drive me crazy and they all treat me like im 4 years old. but they know way too much about me and theyre just giving me ptsd back to my old school which all my friends there told me they wanted to kill themselves. these friends i had for years so hearing that messed me up.

Summer vacation is almost over, and I realized I didn’t do anything—I just spent my time doing household chores and sleeping. I actually like being on vacation and not doing homework or anything, but the loneliness you feel when you see photos of people going out for walks, enjoying their vacations to the fullest—it makes you feel like a failure. Nothing changed; I didn’t have a “glow-up,” I didn’t go to the gym, and I didn’t do anything productive, After working so hard all semester to get good grades, you wanted to rest, and in the end, you feel even more tired. I really do like being on vacation because I don’t have the stress of homework, presentations, assignments, exams, and so on—and all sorts of other things—but sometimes I wish I’d gone out to enjoy my vacation instead of staying cooped up at home. It hurts that the ones who call themselves my friends go out and don’t invite me, but I have to thank God for everything because I know He has something better in store for me. I love You, God, and forgive me for failing You so much and committing so many sins.

People moan about food being expensive, then I give them examples of cheap food and they're like "you expect people to eat nothing but that every day?" Well yeah? It's cheap and it's predictable. You know what to look forward to and you know what you're getting. "But that's not a balanced diet is it? It's not healthy" Oh yeah I forget most people actually want to outlive their parents. I'm personally hoping to cut my life short before it gets bad and everyone else can deal with it. Which they will because it'll hardly be a loss, they won't care, they'll be fine. And if they do care? Should have tried harder then and not been such a dick

i saw some notes ppl left for me and im tearing up i love yall sm

There is nothing to be sad about, so what do I want to die right now? I have friends, family, and a relatively good home life, so why do I still want to die? So many people have it worse than me. Why am I so fucking selfish?

It's currently 1:24AM and I can't fall asleep because after a solid, good 3 months, it feels as though I'm falling back into the depressive spiral I worked so hard to get myself out of. My anxious spirals are back and everything is starting to feel as though it's a lot more work than it actually is. I just wish there was someone good and safe that I could reach out to. Even though part of me feels like I have people like that, the other part is too scared to tell the truth. I tell everyone I'm doing fine and I post so much good stuff about my life and accomplishments on social media, but I still feel like shit. I wish I knew what was going on with me mentally. I feel crazy. I feel as though I don't ever want a relationship with anyone again because I'm scared we'll hurt each other very badly. I'm so scared right now and I just wish someone would be here for me. I wish someone would check in on me despite everything. I don't want to fall back into the darkness again.

(My parent are divorced) My mom has cancer, my dad got us evicted and was going to kill himself so he now has to move back to my home state so I don’t know when I’ll see my father next. All of my stuff might be gone. I just got out of the mental hospital about 4 months ago, I’m being groomed and all my relationships are completely fucked. I’m so exhausted of having to take care of everyone and trying to force myself to get better because my dad can’t grow up and my mom is sick. I just want my parents to be responsible and take care of me. I’m only 14 and I can’t remember the last time I’ve been fed 3 meals hell i don’t remember the last time I had two. I want to cry and sob and tell my dad to act like a father but I can’t because he might kill himself. I just don’t know what to do anymore I hate my life so much. I want to disappear and restart my life some where else. I hate my family I really really do.

I cant keep anything together. All my friendships end mostly because me me. My family is falling apart piece by piece. I haven't even seen my sister in almost 3 fucking years. My brother that still lives at home with me gets set off by everything I say and Im tired of it. My grandparents are not doing well my parents arnt and everything is just fucked up. I cant even remember a night were I haven't cried myself to sleep. I feel so fucking pathetic

I hate being a woman I wish I could be a man not in a transgender way in a way that I wish I could go back in time and change my whole biology. It seems as if men have it so easy. I know they go through multiple things that are bad, but a little part of me thinks that my life would’ve been a lot easier if I came out a man people take me more seriously I wouldn’t have to look behind me when I walk at night so many things would be different and maybe she would like me

I am terrified!! I have a stalker and he's lowkey terrifying. We met through and online friend, but turns out he lives 30 min away from me!! He has access to firearms, even though I don't think he's at a legal age to have access. He has figured out where I work!! I have finally contacted the police, and finally blocked him. I haven't earlier because I was scared of retaliation! Then, today, I was walking and I swear I saw him!!! This dude looked exactly like him and was staring at me!!! But then, he took his hat off and his hair color was different. BUT I WAS SO SCARED I CRIED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!!!! It was a little embarrassing 😅😭

Lilli, I miss you so fucking much. I miss talking to you during science, I miss your lore drops, I miss English together, I miss ramming into you to give you the biggest hugs of the day, I miss ranting to each other about our crushes, hell, I even miss crying with you the day you told me you were moving. It was selfish of me, I know, but at that time you were one of the only people in this wretched world who I trusted, who made me feel worth while, who, for once, didn’t make me want to kill myself. I miss you so much to the point where when I’m so sad I can’t even breathe, I just wanted you. You are the one person in this world that understands me and doesn’t literally bully me for being different. I miss you so much, dude, and I love you. Forever your best friend, Ollie. (The one person who hasn’t gotten over the fact that your now four hours away)

My sister was saying that my brother was the favorite child of mom. I agreed. Mom got mad at both of us and said we should go and live with dad now that my brother is the favorite child. I’ll say that he isn’t the favorite child but sometimes…it feels like it. I’m jealous of him. I guess the jealousy started in 6th grade. I realized that I got a bad math score. I was so worried over my bad grade that I had to tell my mom. I don’t remember what she said but I think it wasn’t anything bad. Then in 7th grade, he started tutoring me when I was struggling in math. Sometimes he got frustrated with me and kicked me out of his room for not understanding. It hurt me so bad.

I have nothing beautiful to say.