All Rants

I really want to just die lately, my life doesn't seem to have any meaning and there's no reason for me to stay here. It doesn't feel like anyone around me truly loves me or needs me and everything is starting to feel like an annoying chore. I'm only 16 but I don't want to grow older because I'm going to be forced to go to baccalaureate even though not only do I not want to but I also know for a fact that I'm not ready for it it all. In addition to that, I'm struggling a lot with gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. I just dont want to keep going, living is becoming such a hassle and it doesn't feel worth the effort, the pain and the time it takes.

Believing the lies and scaremongering from the right wing Christians, the media, Republican party etc etc someone is clearly making up their false claims about Islam and that they can't think for themselves

So The Pope's fighting each other for control of land etc etc means Christianity was peaceful? So I think someone is out of touch with reality, as believing the lies and scaremongering from the right wing fake Christians, the media and Republican party, etc etc is not believing in reality.

I guess those who don't believe Islam is peaceful, has clearly based their claims on believing the lies and scaremongering from the Right Wing Fake Christians, Media and The Republican party?

Why is eating so hard. Why do I starve myself yet binge at the same time? To get even heavier, why can’t I move on from my first kids premature birth? Supporting a friend through their own pregnancy sends me into a spiral.

I've been sexually harassed at work by an international "student" [read: illegal immigrant getting fake degrees to get a green card], and it's soured me to immigration by a lot. I've been out of work for years due to not knowing how or where to get a job next, and my fears that it might happen again. For personal anxiety reasons, I can't work a customer-facing job, jobs that require me to be outside, or jobs that involve children. I haven't done anything wrong involving kids, I just don't want to be around them. I don't know what to do. I just want to be a normal person. But I can't get a job with illegal immigrants where I am are taking every single job available, and job board websites are ALL scams. All of them, without exception. I can't stand it anymore.

My father passed away several years ago... Since his death, I've been afraid of losing my mother. She's always tired and always wishes she were dead. This leaves me feeling incredibly helpless... It breaks my heart into tiny pieces. Why can't she see that I love her?Why can't you see that I can't live without her? I don't know what to do; I just don't want to be alone I'm just a young girl in my 20s... I study hard at university... and I also work part-time... I just don't live my life the way I should

I don't know why but I got spontaneous and wrote a letter to the president. WHY! Anyways, for everyone on the site talking about self hard I want you to know that there will always be someone who misses you. A speaker can in my class and started talking about suicide, I immediately thought of everyone on here. You are not alone, although I may not know you personally that doesn't mean I won't miss you.

I've recently realized I've been ræped when I was little. It makes me so hurt that the memory is so foggy to where I can't even remember his face or name, it makes me feel like a liar yet I KNOW this happened. I was abt 5-8 and me and my big brother went to a family friend's house to stay a few days and this boy (my grapist) was about 10-12 and he was nice at first but then he led me to this room (i think it was a laundry room?) and all i really remember was him telling me to take off my clothes and him trying put his junk in my trunk (iykyk). For some reason, I don't think I had said anything but I feel gross just writing this. I'm sorry if i sounded unserious while writing this, idrk how else to really cope and get this out properly. Ty for reading if you did and if you went through anything similar, just know that you are valid, loved and you'll heal. ❤❤

I always feel alone, I called into drg addiction for almost a year and I did get sober but I’m still a drop out nobody ,I dread having to wake up every morning , I dread having to even move out of bed , I thought I was getting better once I met this man who rlly opened my eyes , were still together but I feel like a horrible person since i still feel so alone , Everyday I wake up and just feel sad and empty , I don’t know why I feel this way , it’s been years but the feeling stays lingering in my chest and mind , it’s consuming and I just want to be free.

I can’t stand the way someone who actively talks behind my back and stays drama and treats me terribly is a favourite of so many people. I can’t even begin to try and express this to my other friends because they all love her and would definitely defend her and take her side over mine. And that just makes my heart hurt worse, so at the end of the day I am left with my arms full of all those anger and longing to have someone notice me struggling and believe me when I tell them what is bothering me. I used to think about creative ideas for art and what books I was going to read next, but now all that joy as fizzled out until the only thoughts I ever seem to have are ones about cutting or dying. I am so envious that someone who can be so awful has so many friends and support, and I am just left feeling like someone watching from the outside time after time after time. I’m not even sure I exist as an important person to anyone anymore. I want to be somebody’s favourite, even just once.

Everyone said it would get better as I got older, I’m 21. This has been going on for 10 years. I’ve been cutting for 9. While the times are less frequent the amount I do and how deep is the problem. I am so tired. I can’t afford therapy. The dude who raped me 2 years ago came into my work and I freaked out. I feel like I see him everywhere. My work has been incredibly kind and made a safety plan for me and everything. They are giving me time off to step away and still get paid. I just can’t tell anyone how bad it is. I just can’t handle the pain I’m feeling. I can’t leave my cat behind. And I feel so guilty for even thinking about it. I’m the only person this cat likes I’m literally his whole world, how can I take that away? I can’t. But I’m scared that wont matter at some point. I almost did it 1.5 years ago. But I woke up covered in my own vomit with a busted lip and back of my head in the bathroom floor. That scares me. I’m looking for help. I can’t keep going on like this. Im sorry

I've only recently started figuring out my morals and values and how to deal with myself in general. I feel so behind and like a child. I fucked up so bad a few years ago and I fear I'll never recover from the situations I put myself in, no matter how much I try to reassure myself that I wasn't in the wrong and that I was just hurt, alone, and vulnerable. I need to get over my guilt and it's so difficult sometimes. I have the most amazing partner in the world and I'm fearful if they find out the things I did before I met him because that wasn't me. It was the worst period in my life and I hate the person I was. I regret every single thing I did that year. I hate how easy I spiral.

I'm not well. The cuts aren't enough, I need more. But I can't seem to tell anyone how bad it really is, I hate worrying people. I want to leave again, but how do you tell a person that?

I’ve recently been made aware that I’m too blunt, and talk too much. I don’t *want* to be too blunt or talk too much. I can’t fucking help but I’m hurting people by staying like this. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and distance myself from everyone. It seems like the only logical solution, I wouldn’t be a bother to anyone or hurt them by accident. I don’t want to be such an ass, I never mean it intentionally. And it’s just straining my friendship with people. It hurts to be honest. I don’t know why I do it. I never mean to, but it just happens anyways. I just want to be away from everyone— but I also want to be with them, you know? I just don’t want to hurt people anymore. It’s just that I can’t *stop* myself from just being blunt. It just comes out of my mouth naturally… And it fucking sucks. I would never wish to disgrace anyone with my presence or blabbering. I think I need to start blending in with the background.

I hate how sensitive I am, how I cry so easily about my grades. My grades are the only thing that define me. I always try and pass my best friend but I never will, she's smart, pretty, and always good at everything. Even my parents love her. Why never me? Its always "okay" never "I'm proud!" You care so much about other children then your own. When I vent to that one person they always reply with something sexual. Why not calm me down or let me vent? I'm so tired.

I wish I didn't exist. I wish that the people that I have met never met me. I wish that my parents hadn't thought they wanted me. That they'd wanted a child. I wish the friends I have made just left me alone when I was "the new kid" in school. With every person I meet I just feel heavier. Knowing I'm important to someone hurts, because I can barely understand my own importance. I don't understand how these people around me can say that I'm their "friend" or their "daughter" with genuine joy or pride, while I'm staring in the mirror wishing I could die right where I stand. It makes no sense.

I never feel like I fit in anywhere. I kinda hate myself all the time I don’t fit with what I’m studying. I’ve never really fit in at school and it’s not like I’m weird or something or that I don’t have friends because I do. I just don’t have the friendships that I see around me. I don’t have people. I can just tell things to. I don’t have a Bestie like that I don’t feel like I’m surrounded by people who support me I’m constantly stressed and sending signals that I’m struggling and yet the people around me don’t reach out and they ignore it. I study so hard and I’m so interested in the topic. I’m studying yet. I’m not succeeding. I do everything right everything that you’re told you need to do in order to be successful and fit in and do all of it and I’m still not enough sucks for a while. I blamed other people because I couldn’t understand but it’s starting to feel like it’s me. I can’t be open with people because I don’t trust them. I don’t let people support me because they don’t re

I'm slowly starting to hate my friends. They're fine when it's one on one but when it's the whole group they're awful to me. Especially someone in my group who says she's "A sweet soul" when she's caused me to relapse on several occasions. Nobody sees it and I just want to leave all of them but if I do I lose the people who are actually nice to me. It is 100% my fault that I picked awful people to be my friends but I can't get out without losing important people. I have some mental issues, and being around them makes them so much worse. I have 2 friends who I think actually care about me, and even then I'm not that important to them, I'm only kept around because I'm funny sometimes. I know I'm probably just being dramatic but even so it still hurts so much how I'm not good enough for anyone. No matter who I surround myself with I will always end up alone. No matter where I am there will always be someone who people like more. I say "It is what it is" but I'm so close to breaking down.

I hate working, how i wish i could just generate income without working this much! :(