All Rants

I've got so much built up that's the problem part of it. It could probably fill a book. The other is the toxicity of my home environment. I suppose therapy isn't free that's why most people vent in places like this as opposed to a journal. But journaling is good too just nobody will see what you're going through unless you tell them of course. Other people like my relative for example, will block you and give you the middle finger over your issues yet they'd stop in unannounced alot or call alot to my fam and go on about their issues. And get up and leave when they were done whining. Mostly unimportant stuff they just want to bitch about. They also promised me they'd keep secret what I told them then yet turned around and told my fam anyway. Idk I hate how fkd up my family is to begin with.

I’m moving states to be with my long distance boyfriend after years. I’ve known for awhile that at some point one of us was going to have to make the move, and that it was most likely going to be me. I’m ready for something new but as the day gets closer to me leaving, I’m getting really scared. My boyfriend says he doesn’t understand how brave I’m being and how he wouldn’t be able to handle it. When in fact… it is the opposite. I feel like I can’t tell him either because I feel like if I do say something along the lines of me being scared of moving, or me being sad about leaving my family and friends, he’s going to feel guilty. probably just feeling all this because it’s right around the corner but yeah

Truth is, if we really wanted to help each other... whenever people say I need help or I'm suffering. People should at least listen. There would be more micro niche meetups and less of 'Ayo, youer stupid/freaky/pick any other insult here'. Sadly as I'm learning more and more as I become too old to be even useful let alone cared about. People like bitching as it's all we can do. I know I'm not being truly helpful with this but few people ever give me time to try and readapt or help out and if there's old fucks like me who can't even find someone to talk with. I don't see much help in this. You can feel free to say whatever to this, hate me, call me a freak, say I don't deserve to live, I'm lying, whatever. Since all I am is one big pent up waste of space and nowhere I go or have gone ever ends well. I say just wait around and wait for it to stop. I've already tried giving time to hobbies with people and shit... wasted. Love is a farce and the only thing left is the end to come.

Please do not judge me for this, I know how wrong this is. I find myself interacting with bad spaces on the internet, specifically the bad part of the TCC. I do not know why I am doing this as I have always been against these type of communities and such, I think it might be because it gives me a sort of dopamine boost, I really don't know how to explain. I have tried to distance myself from these sorts of things multiple times and it never works, I always feel an intense amount of guilt after interacting with this community and yet I can't stop. I'm scared of what type of person it could possibly turn me into. I am way too scared to seek help for this issue because I don't want people thinking I'm a threat (I am NOT.) or that I glorify real criminals, because I don't. This is such a stupid issue but I just need to see if anyone could possibly help or give advice on how to stop this.

I fucking hate u to the core of my heart

I hate feeling the way I do. Yesterday triggered it and I haven't been able to shake it. I've been through a lot over the years. Even steel beams and iron bars bend under stress. My life has been one giant trauma stress ball tbh. I really don't know.

Someone left a cruel and mean note in my rant but I could careless lol. Got used to being emotionally abused many times as a kid that even if I'm being told to kms, it means nothing.

my dad told me i dont deserve to speak

I feel like my life is being held hostage by my housemate and my cats. I've had no passion for being alive for at least a decade now and have had severe mental health issues long before that. The only thing tying me to life is that my housemate is heavily dependent on me. She could not take care of her self or our cats and it's making me resent her.

I'm about to explode from the medicine and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, but good luck to you anyway.

i cant take this, im so lonely and always have been, and in the rare occurence that i do get a friend, they always leave me. nobody wants to talk to me, its like i did something so wrong. i dont get it! when it comes to my sister, suddenly everyone wants a friend! its so painful, she has so many friends, and i dont. we make the same kind of posts, and she gets so many friends, while im lucky to get a creep! I dont know how much more of this can take! shes so much better than me in everyway, academics, games, fashion, and even looks! its so tiring seeing her with all her friends as they conpliment her entire existence and how "cool" she is! what about me!? why does no one notice me? i dont know what i did to deserve this, its getting so hard to continue living, everyday i get more and more hopeless. it seems like taking the easy way out might be the best idea, im just a disgrace to humanity. everyone is way better than me anyway, ill just kill myself then, no one wants me around anyway.

I feel like my brother raping me has been the worst thing that's ever happened to me and all the time things get sexualized in my mind and I hate myself for it

Trying to live with multiple people with autism is so hard when they are failing to read the interpersonal interactions with each other and I have to deal with the fallout.

I want to die my life is hell I was raped, sa'd, abused and beaten up at the age of 6 and under,I get punished for self harming, for attempting suicide, I'm lost, I have no friends never have I'm autistic and I have PTSD, trauma and ADHD , I get bullied a lot, no one cares about me, I get too attached to everyone and cry when they leave me I've cried too much I'm now numb to crying I want to cry I'm trying but I cant, I need meds to live slightly normal yet I cant have meds I can't even cry without being punished I want to die and I try but I'll just get punished more and more so I can't express my feelings apart from saying I'm fine and act all happy cuz I know I'll be happy I fucking hate everyone and my self I hope I sleep and never wake up even my birthday was the worst and that was the last ever b day I'm my life

i wish i could give up. i havent lived a particularly horrible life and yet i feel so alone, so sad all the time. so tired. i dont know how to explain how i feel, so therapy doesnt work, venting doesnt help. its in my head, its diseased somehow, for as long as i can remember. i want to give up.

im afraid that the main reason for me loving him is that loving him distracts me from all the things in my life that are wrong- falling behind on work, feeling tired and sad all the time, unable to socialise with people, isolating, growing apart from friends who are going off to college, and just tons of things i cry myself to sleep for almost everyday he doesnt know how miserable i actually am and i want to be better for him, for myself, but i dont know what the point of that would be if we cant even be together. i wish we could be together so i could at least have an immediate reason to try and make my life better for myself and for the people that i love. i really do think i love him though and all of this is very confusing

I'm an imposter that talented and beautiful people have to drive out.

sorry its me again but like i feel like i have anxiety but i dont get panic attacks never have gotten so close but never have i feel sick all the time tho and i like shake a lot but like i dont get panic attacks so like its not that bad and im js dramatic arent i?-f.g

I can't consume art without feeling envious, but I'll never be good enough. I'm not cut out for anything. Watching me fail and fall in self-delusion is so funny, it's pathetic.

does it ever get easier? i feel like my problems are so tiny i cnt tell anyone but they’re eating me up inside sm that its effecting my school life and my relationship w my friends and family they all feel like im being distant or ghosting but when i tried to speak or text back it’s like something is holding me back especially if its talking ab my feelings i start crying where it js makes me look insane, i remember having a panic attack the other day and i sat there js trying to calm myself down for 10 mins before crying sm and putting my hand over my heart to make the beating stop my sister ran over to me asking me if im ok or if they should call my mom and im like no this has happened before don’t wake her up she’s tired she’s going to be scared, after that i js went to sleep for a long time i feel as tho my panic attacks are so insignificant because how cn i say idk what’s going on and that’s what’s the scary part.