All Rants

my dad told me i dont deserve to speak

I feel like my life is being held hostage by my housemate and my cats. I've had no passion for being alive for at least a decade now and have had severe mental health issues long before that. The only thing tying me to life is that my housemate is heavily dependent on me. She could not take care of her self or our cats and it's making me resent her.

I'm about to explode from the medicine and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, but good luck to you anyway.

i cant take this, im so lonely and always have been, and in the rare occurence that i do get a friend, they always leave me. nobody wants to talk to me, its like i did something so wrong. i dont get it! when it comes to my sister, suddenly everyone wants a friend! its so painful, she has so many friends, and i dont. we make the same kind of posts, and she gets so many friends, while im lucky to get a creep! I dont know how much more of this can take! shes so much better than me in everyway, academics, games, fashion, and even looks! its so tiring seeing her with all her friends as they conpliment her entire existence and how "cool" she is! what about me!? why does no one notice me? i dont know what i did to deserve this, its getting so hard to continue living, everyday i get more and more hopeless. it seems like taking the easy way out might be the best idea, im just a disgrace to humanity. everyone is way better than me anyway, ill just kill myself then, no one wants me around anyway.

I feel like my brother raping me has been the worst thing that's ever happened to me and all the time things get sexualized in my mind and I hate myself for it

Trying to live with multiple people with autism is so hard when they are failing to read the interpersonal interactions with each other and I have to deal with the fallout.

I want to die my life is hell I was raped, sa'd, abused and beaten up at the age of 6 and under,I get punished for self harming, for attempting suicide, I'm lost, I have no friends never have I'm autistic and I have PTSD, trauma and ADHD , I get bullied a lot, no one cares about me, I get too attached to everyone and cry when they leave me I've cried too much I'm now numb to crying I want to cry I'm trying but I cant, I need meds to live slightly normal yet I cant have meds I can't even cry without being punished I want to die and I try but I'll just get punished more and more so I can't express my feelings apart from saying I'm fine and act all happy cuz I know I'll be happy I fucking hate everyone and my self I hope I sleep and never wake up even my birthday was the worst and that was the last ever b day I'm my life

i wish i could give up. i havent lived a particularly horrible life and yet i feel so alone, so sad all the time. so tired. i dont know how to explain how i feel, so therapy doesnt work, venting doesnt help. its in my head, its diseased somehow, for as long as i can remember. i want to give up.

im afraid that the main reason for me loving him is that loving him distracts me from all the things in my life that are wrong- falling behind on work, feeling tired and sad all the time, unable to socialise with people, isolating, growing apart from friends who are going off to college, and just tons of things i cry myself to sleep for almost everyday he doesnt know how miserable i actually am and i want to be better for him, for myself, but i dont know what the point of that would be if we cant even be together. i wish we could be together so i could at least have an immediate reason to try and make my life better for myself and for the people that i love. i really do think i love him though and all of this is very confusing

I'm an imposter that talented and beautiful people have to drive out.

sorry its me again but like i feel like i have anxiety but i dont get panic attacks never have gotten so close but never have i feel sick all the time tho and i like shake a lot but like i dont get panic attacks so like its not that bad and im js dramatic arent i?-f.g

I can't consume art without feeling envious, but I'll never be good enough. I'm not cut out for anything. Watching me fail and fall in self-delusion is so funny, it's pathetic.

does it ever get easier? i feel like my problems are so tiny i cnt tell anyone but they’re eating me up inside sm that its effecting my school life and my relationship w my friends and family they all feel like im being distant or ghosting but when i tried to speak or text back it’s like something is holding me back especially if its talking ab my feelings i start crying where it js makes me look insane, i remember having a panic attack the other day and i sat there js trying to calm myself down for 10 mins before crying sm and putting my hand over my heart to make the beating stop my sister ran over to me asking me if im ok or if they should call my mom and im like no this has happened before don’t wake her up she’s tired she’s going to be scared, after that i js went to sleep for a long time i feel as tho my panic attacks are so insignificant because how cn i say idk what’s going on and that’s what’s the scary part.

everyone’s here talking abt their relationships and parents and that’s fine but i feel different like i don’t know what’s going on with me i get these random anxiety/panic attacks with no cause to them they js happen, i get anxious everyday for no reason, i feel exhausted all the time i can be js sitting around people and feel exhausted, i js want to sink into my bed forever and never move, but not in a depressed way i js feel tired and idk why, i sleep everywhere, ive slept in parties, every car ride even if its only 10 mins, in every class period, then i take naps for hours after school, i cn sleep 5 hours and feel exhausted i cn sleep 8 hours feel exhausted i cn sleep 10 hours feel exhausted i cn sleep 12 hours and feel exhausted, im js always sleepy idk why all ik is this isnt normal and its driving me crazy, i say as im writing this at 5 am

fuck why the actual fuck should i not kill myself like i dont have a reason to stay im only not doin it cus im a wimp and cus i said arie is worse than me i cant do it until one of their attempts works but now i lowkey want them to do it so i can but i dont want to do it cus they like my closest friend and i think it would destroy me and everyone else who loves them fuck i wanna die fuck hook me up with a serial killer fuck imma crawl into a hole and die fuck-f.g

Why is it when I want love so bad life treats me like shit, I try to get what I really want now everyone is framing me for causing trouble because I vented, I chased this girl for a year or 2, we grew up 2gether and now she hates me cuz of Valentine's Day, fuck I wanna die but I live because the only people who care is my sister and parents and family

im too fucked up and broken to deserve happiness. I don't think im capable of being loved.

my mom cheated on my dad who has pancreatic cancer. i recently discovered her instagram threads account under a fake name where she rants about how my father isn’t good enough to her, and how she longs for a man she cheated on him with. not to mention the texts between her and multiple different men describing the sexual encounters they shared together. my mother believes my dad is not caring enough, and isn’t good enough in bed, ignoring he has a life threatening cancer. my sister also knows about the affairs, in fact, she was the one who told me, but she has said that i absolutely cannot tell my dad or my mom what i know, or else she will kill herself. i want to tell my dad so badly, so he doesn’t have to spend the time he has left with someone who doesn’t love him, but i don’t want my sister to take her life. i have the feeling my mom is just biding her time until my father passes away, so she can keep his money (he is much richer than her) and go fuck whoever she wants.

idk how much more i can take.. im 14 female she her btw.. i dont have any reason to be like this tho, i have a house, family, water, food, i even have extras liek i go to a private school, i do gym, im not 'poor' i did diving growing up, i have lots of opportunities, im smarter than avg, im not overweight or underweight, i get 'luxuries' depending... like i dont have a reason like maybe im js dramatic.. maybe thats y no one cares, maybe im js pathetic.. idk but im spiralling lately like so fucking bad like idk what to do like my parents would kill me like i wanna move back to mckinnon but im in yr 8 in aus btw so like i dont wanna move in the middle of high school cus thats hella awkward and the classes there are weird so im prolly not gonna be with arie but they already have friends of their own... i also dont wann ask for help...-f.g

i’m scared for my safety my mother keeps getting drunk and every single time something bad happens, now she got jumped.. i begin to realize how badly this stuff been affecting me as i bite my nails more often, flinch at everything, apologize to anything, and silently cry more often