All Rants

I might be depressed but don’t believe therapy actually works, too scared to try. Feeling trapped

im so miserable all the time and i always find a way to make everything more miserable i am perhaps a selfish and greedy disgusting pig of a person and i should have offed myself a long long time ago

i want so badly to just sob as loudlyas i can like a baby but i am a grown man and there are peoplee around me

I know I'm young but i'm being put on so much pressure and sometimes i just want to disappear my parents are so toxic and ive been bullied so much i have trust issues i also am pretty sure i have an ed (not to self diagnose in a rude way but its pretty obvious i just cant tell my parents because they keep calling me dramatic ) i need therapy but ive been denied and told to figure it out. I've participated in sh and my parents dont know that and keep punishing me for the smallest things and making it worse and i just don't know how much longer i can do this.

Ive moved to germany awhile ago as a mechanic for the nurburgring, the "childhood dream" as some say, but now after about a year it feels wierd, i feel sad, im alone, barely anyone after work to go to or hangout with, or nobody to talk to. I miss my family but also i think its just being in precense of people who actually like you and want to talk to you. i dont care about the nurburgring anymore, i drive a normal car because i dont care about having a "track car" anymore, i just turned 21, i dont know what to do, i wish i could be anywhere but here. I had a major accident on the nurburgring a while back i flipped my car and havent felt the same on the road since, im in debt because of expenses and track costs, i wish i could go back to my old life, but something in me doesnt want to give up even though every feeling is gone

i feel so anxious about the future, i don’t think my mental health will ever be as ‘good’ as it is now

i know i’m being dramatic but after the first day of school i cried for almost an hour, i feel like i won’t do good at any of my classes and i just wish that i chose easier ones

3 breakups in the span of 4 years is way too much for me to handle. Idk if I'm gonna be able to recover or bounce back. I may be messed up for a very long time and I don't think I'll have the strength to go through another. I love way too hard and actually care about people but everyone else treats me like a disposable garbage. I'm still a human being but I know, I don't matter to anyone. :(

I’m sick of being here I wanna runaway but if I get caught I know I’ll be in very bad trouble. Any tips? I have a toxic home they treat me like shit all the time. I can’t call anyone for they will beat me. Everything my fault

when your roommate gives you a chore list as soon as you come home from vacation and you can tell its because they didnt do any of those chores the whole time you were gone and now that youre home you can be their in-house chef maid pet sitter and eye candy

Maybe it's not meant for me to be a wife and get married? I tried my best to be a great girlfriend for guys, I'd give comfort, advice, I'd plan dates, I'd cook for them, I'd give them massages, I'd talk to them all the time. I tried my best to make dating me easy for guys because I used to hear so many them complain about girls playing hard to get. After 5 really bad relationships, getting cheated on, asked to open the relationship, and being dumped for another girl, I think the issue is that maybe I'm too easy and they get bored of me really fast. It has nothing to do with age because I've been with guys my age and older. It just makes me sad because I don't know how to be different. I'm an honest person and don't do games but it's ended up in other women being more desirable than me. Maybe I should accept my single life.

I officially ended my toxic relationship of 2 years today. I was 20 and he's 42. My parents encouraged me to find an older husband so he can take care of me. He did do a good job taking care of me but at what price? It all started the first time we had sex and after that I dealt with so much verbal abuse. He'd yell at me, call me names, and curse me out everytime I'd tell him "no". He's forced himself on me many times during our relationship even when I made it clear I didn't want to. He's bought me many things and helped me but I still felt like a worthless sex toy who can't do anything right. It's also the things he'd say to me and his overall behavior. I tried to change myself for him but it didn't work. It was saturday where he told me our relationship is horrible, that i always disappoint him, and that I'm too much of a kid for him. So I packed my things and left. My parents are gonna be mad but at least I don't have to feel hated anymore.

how am i meant to keep living like this everyday? how can i keep going through the routine of life? it feels like the whole world is against me. not in a self important way. but like it’s all coming at me and i can’t catch it all at the same time. why is it raining only over me? why does the dark cloud follow me? why can everybody else wake up and do the day and i’m barely making it by? what am i going to do? how will i get through this? will i survive? will i make it? why can i only see black when i look to the future. is that it for me? is it going to end soon? idk. guess that’s life

Okay so I just started high school and I really want this to be a fresh start. I don’t wanna go back to the routines and mediocre friends of middle school. But my lunch has nobody that I like. I’m not good at putting myself out there and making friends. I want to have friends. And honestly I’ve been praying and asking for my people, but this just makes me sad. I feel friendless and lonely.

when i was a kid i got groped by a girl countless times. It would happen everywhere at school. She would touch my genitals, my whole body. Even after i would tell her no or to stop or that she couldn't touch me without my consent. She would tell me she can touch me and that it isn't sexual assault, whenever she wanted too. She also said that it wouldn't be rape if she started having sex with me without my consent. On top of that she would kick/knee/punch me in the balls. She would grab my junk, squeeze and pull it, my cock hurt and burned so much 1 time after she did it. This would almost always happen in front of teachers and the class. One day she touched my whole body during the whole pe class after i said she was assaulting me. She just kept laughing and touched me literally everywhere. The whole class and the pe teacher agreed to not tell my parents about this. My family never believed me, because everyone including her thought i didn't have the right to my own bodily autonomy.

I enjoy cutting myself. It gives me a rush of serotonin every time I watch myself bleed. Sometimes I almost get like pleasure from it. I often find myself thinking about the next time I can run a razor across my skin. It hurts so good, but the shame and guilt that comes after just stresses me out. I have to be extremely careful about it, and I don’t want to burden my friends with my weird thoughts. I often find myself having the urge to post pictures of my fresh cuts and find people like me so I can see theirs. There’s nothing like seeing the shiny red blood and watching the skin separate. My mom will kill me if she finds out. I’m such a disgusting creep.

I'm so TIRED of no one in my house doing any chores or cleaning anything unless I specifically ask about it. we don't have kids, I live with two other full grown adults and unless I SPECIFICALLY POINT OUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, nothing gets done. No one takes out our dogs unless I ask about it. No one does the dishes, cleans up after dinner, hoovers or wipes down the counters unless I say so. I'm so tired of it. All I want is to live in a clean house that smells good.

Idk how this doesn't bother the rest of my fam. Sure the neighbors will be quiet when they have a precious little baby up there baby sitting it. Otherwise it's thumping like frickin track n field. And I think a lot of it is on purpose because they have no consequences for what they do. Its plain not right. It feels like the Karen hates our guts and fam just wants to sweep everything under a rug like nothing is happening or happened. However I notice.all their shit behavior. It appears they were mocking me yesterday but I can't prove it of course. Idk wtf their problems are. They started the shit with us we mind our own business. Hell I was good enough to return a misplaced package to their front door and mail they dropped. On our end though funny thing we didn't receive a certain bill last month and tbh I think they got it and trashed it but I can't prove it. I really don't like people who say like they do. Your life miserable? Don't take it out on others. I just plain don't understand

I am super ashamed of my nerdy interests, as a "normal" guy everybody knows for being good at sports. Not nerdy like watching anime or other cute stuff... I mean like stamp collecting, space history, science video games... im cringing. I am never ever gonna let anyone see my internal world I will be weak and pathetic and they will never look at me the same no matter how fluffy my hair is or how impeccable my style is or how much I try to looksmaxx. I feel like two fucking people at the same time and I will never get a girlfriend that actually loves me, let alone understanding friends. Even if they're smart. Cause at least most people can pick one or the other, I am a gross combination. It makes me sad.

I'm genuinely so curious why i choose to trigger myself every night Is it because of my sh addiction? Am i just looking for reasons to do it again? I find that such a confusing theory though. I sh because I'm bored, not because I'm miserable. Well, maybe a little. I'm a fucking chud