All Rants

I fucking hate being disabled and how it bleeds into every part of my life. I feel like I'm losing so many friendships because I can't do everything the way I want to anymore, and then I get to watch people leave me behind. What's worse is when people start doing activities that I've been suggesting for months the moment I can't participate in them. They claim to be my friends but wouldn't they make more of an effort if they were? Wouldn't they take at least one opportunity to hang out with me? I would jump at an opportunity to hang out with them, but I barely get the chance. And even if I push myself to the point of pain just to be included, it doesn't matter. I just have to hurt and be alone.

BRO I HATE PROCRASTINATION . I HATE THAT IM WASTING ALL MY CAPIBILITIES. I HATE THAT IM TRYING TOO HARD TO BE SOMEONE IM NOT. WHO AM I TRYING TO PLEASE. COMPROMISING ON MY STUDIES. WASTING MY PARENTS TIME , FAITH , EFFORT AND MONEY ON ME. SUCKS TO BE ME

So sick of life with an unpredictable alcoholic.

i feel like my boyfriend(M) is getting closer with my bestfriend(N). Like theyre textng ALLL the time.. They sit next t eachover and even more touchy then what he is with me? Them, me, and friends where all hangng out and they both were so touchy and only played 2 player games together. I would talk 2 them, but the always take nothng srsly and brush it off. Wha do i do?

My dad verbally, emotionally, and physically abused me throughout my childhood up until i was like 13 maybe 14. The worst of it was around age 12 where i started to lose love for him. After a suicide attempt at 14 amd hospitalization for anorexia, he actually tried to change and im 15 right now and so far he has been consistent with it and i know people say like "abusers never change" but i dont think he relized that what he was doing was really abuse. I actually think he changed. When i was little he wasnt as bad because i kind of followed everything he told me and i think i actually loved him. he never went to anger management therapy or anything so i really don't know how he pulled it off but he is a really good dad now. however i still get flashbacks to when he did do bad things to me and i just cant bring myself to forgive him. he is 100% trying his best and he is doing great but i really really want to

When I make a channel, gave my mom and dad some popularity,they use me for their invest,I always get hit,when they say "who did it?" I'm scared but I told them and they hit me,one time my mom hit me soooooo hard it felt like a conclusion,just for not folding the blanket right,I hate..them..I HATE BEING A CHILD...

This country needs better assassins…

Happy that I can ko until a happy time tmr! Yea!

i'm so tired of being the supposed 'smart' student. everyone views me as an ai they can always ask questions from. newsflash, i'm not. i'm just a human. people say being smart is a blessing, but i consider it a curse. friends always ask me to tutor, help them, and always ask me how do you study that you're smart? pls, i have my own personal life, i don't need to help you. i study normally, but they still don't believe me. they get mad and disappointed if i answer a question wrong, but i'm sorry, i'm just a human. i make mistakes. when my friends get just 1 point higher than me in a test, they celebrate and say they're smarter. i just want to talk about this issue about my friends, but they'll say i'm ungrateful for what i have and i'm looking for attention. the environment at home makes it worse. my parents never ask me 'how was school?' just straight to 'how was the test?" never about me, it's always the scores. i'm tired of being the 'perfect and smart' student.

im so done with this stupid life like i swear to god, why do people never understand what i go through? they (meaning my mom, teacher, and family.) only see my mistakes and never what i actually do good. my teacher especially, is constantly yelling at me because i'm apparently a bad influence to others and stuff. sometimes i just wanna fucking punch her. and then i roll my eyes, make a face, whatever and she yells at me for that too. BRO. it's MY face MY mouth i can do whatever the fuck i want. she favors the 'perfect' students and constantly tries to break my friendships with my best friends. at the start of the year, she kept comparing me with my best friend saying how good i do my work and i always submit my work in time, and now at the end of the year shes doing the completely opposite thing? like bitch shut the fuck up. many people would think im overreacting but i just want to end everything.

I haven't felt truly happy for 3 years. Oh, it's just school. No. You shouldn't be genuinely depressed craving for a quick end to it in 8th grade but being too scared to leave the 6 people you care about too much. Now today 3 years later, I feel like every happy moment is fake, and I play the part too well. Nobody catches on, but I catch on when others are slightly off. I wish someone would look a little too close at me and see some patterns. I don't want to be a bother, but I also want to enjoy my life. If I can't enjoy it, what's the point. I'm so tired. I want to just sleep and dream of my own happy little world where everything in my family went right, and it be one of those dreams that feel longer than how long you slept. I wish that was real. It always feels real because I feel something in those. I feel stripped of anything 99% of the time. I want to feel something for more than 5 seconds. Please. Make something I'm proud of make me feel that. Please. I'm so tired of faking it.

i cant bring myself to care about anything in my life anymore. i went from a 4.0 gpa high achiever to skipping all my lectures and barely doing anything for my clubs and research labs. i feel like i should care more but all i wish for now is to die in my goddamn sleep. no one fucking gets it and i dont want to burden my friends so all i have in my fucking stupid life is shouting in the void. i want to be a normal college student i want to have a girlfriend i want my parents to love me i want to be happy and not want to kill myself every fucking day i jus twish i was never born at all.

I am a late bloomer(age:20) and have talents in multiple areas. I can sing, dance, draw, compose, write, play a little piano and produce music. How do I get them out to the world and be established? From my childhood, I was always told to suppress my talents. Only a few years ago, my parents started accepting my talents.

I lost. I spent 2 years, working on my mental health only for a competition to set me back 1 year in progress. I had to live up to my sister’s expectations. I hated art because of that competition but I did my best. Because I’m clumped together with all the smart people. But I haven’t done anything to deserve to stand next to them. I spent 78 hours hating myself, went back to self harming, obsessing over my painting, my blood sweat and tears were in it. And someone, my best friend, who did it over night. Won. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate everything. But I can’t hate her. She went through tough shit and I can’t do this. I ended up cutting for the first time because of this and now. Now I’m scared.

Recently ive been dealing with a lot of unprofessionalism, and communication issues in school. I feel alone and frustrated right now and its taking a toll on my motivation, which is great during finals week. My "people pleasing" sub-concious says its ok when really it isn't. I'm learning how to advocate for myself but I'm scared that i'm going to lose relationships along the way, which I can already see. i'm mad at myself for not telling people how i feel, as well as feeling mad at them for treating me this way. It sucks but, oh well.

I think what was worse than the diagnosis was the knowledge that I will likely be medicated for the rest of my life, and even then I still have depressive episodes. I was 12 when first medicated. I don’t fully know a life without meds. And I want so desperately to have kids and a family only day, but how can I have kids knowing I could pass this on to them? How can I have a family and make my significant other or kids worry about my mental state because it will never be normal. Stability only lasts so long for me, and I can’t imagine putting someone through that.

Sometimes I feel this fatigue with everyday life. I do feel that I have a good one and I have friends and family who love me, but sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up with the expectations expected of me. I’ve always been the one to do good in school, never get in trouble, and to do well in everything I do. So sometimes, if I do something less than great, it feels like a much bigger failure than it probably should. Trying to be good at my job, good to my family, good in activities I do, while also maintaining a healthy lifestyle, exercising, getting enough rest, staying true to my faith just seems impossible sometimes. It’s there’s always something to do and I feel like I can’t slow down without falling behind. I also feel like I can’t express this because I’m worried it’ll seem like I’m complaining about nothing important while the people around me have real problems that matter. I just feel tired sometimes.

I feel like my struggles don't matter to people and they never will. I wish I was smart, I wish I was skinny, I wish I was lovable, I wish I was a boy, I wish that I could fit in with other people without them looking at me weird, I wish I wasn't such a freak. I wish I was never groomed and assaulted, I wish I didn't feel so alienated from my peers, I wish I could truly relate to the people I surround myself with, I wish my mom and dad would listen to me without making more problems of it, I wish that they would love eachother, I wish I wasn't so uncomfortable around my dad, I wish that people would feel more sorry for me but I also wish I didn't seek out others pity, I wish I could be in the relationship I want but I'm not worth that kind of effort and time. I wish I didn't contemplate killing myself every other day because my existence is so useless, I'm mediocre at my hobbies and I don't amount to anything and I genuinely just want to put myself down because everything is horrible

I feel like being fat and trans just lowk makes me 10x more unlikable to other people, I could pass well if I wasn't fat/"curvy", I'm treated like a lesser woman more than I'm treated as a man and feminized by everyone I know for my features such as large breasts, waist curve and little to no body hair. It's upsetting having an eating disorder but not one that's serious enough for people to care for your well being. When you skip meals it's just you being healthy but when a small person skips meals their in need of protection. At what point do I need to keep starving for it to matter to people. and I feel like my boyfriend doesn't actually like me either. that or it's just dysphoria/dysmorphia talking. I always feel like a fat, foreign monster in the presence of others and I fear I will never belong for the rest of my life no matter if I lose weight or medically transition. Even if I did I feel like my past would just continue to haunt me and in my head I'll always be weird and ugly

My friend is upset at me because of what happened last week when she found this bird that had fallen out of its nest. Just a week ago, her boyfriend found it and they both had gone to me for advice because I have birds of my own. Now I tried to tell them, that I have minimal knowledge on the topic and I am NOT an expert. But I told them the run down, find the nest. If they can't, make one with warmth and then get food. As a result of me stressing out over this, I had only slept 4 hours to help them out. The whole day they had sent non-stop videos and questions. So I told them what I would do, go to a pet shop/vet and ask for help there. They did neither, and then around 8 PM my friend asks where to buy food and all the shops are closed. At this point I'm overwhelmed because they had told me multiple times that day they wanted me to take it in and take care of it.