All Rants

i hate being a black woman so fucking much

the song I most relate to is Prom queen I get told to shut up I count my calories I never look good I wish I was like you brown eyed brunnete perfect life I should try harder

i keep thinking about death, i keep thinking of doing it. i want to so bad... i want to die... i dont wanna suffer in this place anymore... i just have such low motivation to end it... im 17 and i cant even get a gf irl... i have 2 ppl that love me online but im there so they stay alive... but how much would they care if i died?

its getting worse... the only things that help are music sh commiting sleeping especially music

my mom forces me to eat. I cant. food sucks. when I get to school or when shes not looking, I will throw it out. idc if anyone is like that's a waste of food I KNOW IM NOT STUPID. I think I have a eating disorder I chew gum ALL the time bcz it makes u less hungry its getting worse

I feel like a failure in life at 19, it hurts so much. My parents never taught me things most people would learn before they even hit puberty, like making food or even taking a proper shower. Even now they still won't pay attention to me and I feel like I shouldn't care anymore because I'm the oldest but it hurts so much. My partner doesn't make me feel any better about it, if I have to be honest they control my life a lot for 6 years now, but make me feel crazy for thinking that. I'm not allowed to go outside, get a job, talk to anyone that is not them or they will get very angry at me and tell me I'm going behind their back or they will hurt themselves or me. And that I'm ungrateful for anything they have ever done for me, that I should be just a pet to them because I'd be no where and nothing without them. I don't have the skills to get a job or be on my own, I just feel dumb and weak, good for nothing. it feels like nothing will get better, I want to be like others my age. :(

i just wanna be a kid again...

Asking for respect yet showing the complete OPPOSITE of a person worthy of one! STUPID lowlife!! I know you're pregnant but FUCK YOU!!!!

no matter what, nothing makes me happy school friends family pets scrolling eating hanging out NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING AND ESPEACILLY THE STUPID FRIKING PICK ME GIRLS AT MY SCHOOL THEY MAKE ME FEEL WORSE, EVEN MY FRIENDS the only thing is Sh commiting sleeping bye

I'm 5 days clean and 4 months of commiting I wear my safety pin necklace like a lifeline bcz it is I hope someone is happy for me bcz I cant be happy

school is my escape from home. I hated school but now I love it. I'm not home at my screaming parents and random people living with us. I'm overly sensitive and no one cares. school is like that to but its better than home, I wanna live at school and I just cant anymore

I cant talk about anything. I was a Christian but then I felt wrong so now I'm an atheist and I'm pan non binary Astralgender and asexual but can I say that?. no I cant I cant be myself without feeling guilty Idk who I am anymore none of this matters I'm dead inside

I cant do this anymore. I'm just so empty and I cant eat at all. my friends are fake and I do SH and commit. my mental health is worse. I'm not accepted for who I am and I cant talk to anyone not even a therapist. if anyone has anything ty and if you don't and say something mean idc I get bullied at school. bye

today at school, when my other "friends" were leaving me out, this girl came to hear them do a duet ( I'm the 3rd wheel ) and I zone out a lot so I was zoned out and she looked at me and said "Wow, you are just so dead inside aren't you?" I am but it still kinda hurt. comforting words? if not idc

school is my escape from home and home is my escape from school but netherless id rather be annoyed at schoolwork then suffer at home because i know that wishing for the bus ride home to never end is not okay but neither feels okay to me however my school anxiety is no where near as bad as my home anxiety but i know someone out there has it worse then me anyway to all of you keep hanging

I'm so fucking done with my religion. I'm muslim. Literally an ex muslim. But I have to hide that from my family. If they find out, I might be dead. Like actually dead. I hate this cult so much I wish I could just like what I want dress how I want do what I want. Plus it's so messed up how all non Muslims are going to hell. Wtf man. That's just so mean towards them what if they never knew about it?!! I can't dress how I want bc apparently my body Is sexual and im younger than 15 bro wtf I can't wear anything that's too wide open in the front can't show my shoulders my knee and it doesn't have to be too tight I feel so objectifyed. Plus they're so attached to their religion today my sister talked to me about her muslim friend having a boyfriend. Yes ik it's haram bc love outside marriage is haram in islam omd like everything else. She said "alhamdulilah" when they broke up. That's so fcking heartless her friend was crying and all also my mom cares more about religion than her own healt

id rather be in an unhealthy relationship then none at all

I have a horrible feeling I'm going to end up on one of those public freakout videos one day. A stranger makes a snide comment to me and before I know it I've gone absolutely apeshit. It's happened before, it was a good job it was in an open space and the guy was on a bike so all I could do was yell and swear at him and call him names. I'm scared it'll happen in an enclosed space and I'll lash out and get violent. Especially as even a 5 year old could probably win a fight against me. I'm all aggression but no strength. All emotional and no physical. I would train and build muscle and strength but 1. I can't be arsed and 2. It's probably a good thing my punches don't do a lot of damage, I'd never get done for GBH How the fuck was I not diagnosed with ADHD sooner

note: the post below the one about not liking being gay is NOT mine

i know it seems bad but, i dont wanna eat, not ed type of i dont wanna eat but more like i feel a lingering sense of regret after i eat, or when im full and i just cant stop eating, i feel so fat but i just cant stop eating im like constantly eating and idk how to stop, i can find a food disgusting and still eat it because if its there i feel pulsive to eat it i just cant stop, im gaining weight and sometimes i love eating my foods but my habits just make me stop liking my favourite foods but i still eat them, i hate eating food now i was such a big foodie but now i hate food yet i eat so much more i hate the feeling of eating yet i just cant stop its so bad ik and damn i just wish that sometimes i could just stop eating for a day so i could feel clean again because all i do is consume greasy foods or anything i jst hate the feeling of food btw i dont have a ed