All Rants

id rather be in an unhealthy relationship then none at all

I have a horrible feeling I'm going to end up on one of those public freakout videos one day. A stranger makes a snide comment to me and before I know it I've gone absolutely apeshit. It's happened before, it was a good job it was in an open space and the guy was on a bike so all I could do was yell and swear at him and call him names. I'm scared it'll happen in an enclosed space and I'll lash out and get violent. Especially as even a 5 year old could probably win a fight against me. I'm all aggression but no strength. All emotional and no physical. I would train and build muscle and strength but 1. I can't be arsed and 2. It's probably a good thing my punches don't do a lot of damage, I'd never get done for GBH How the fuck was I not diagnosed with ADHD sooner

note: the post below the one about not liking being gay is NOT mine

i know it seems bad but, i dont wanna eat, not ed type of i dont wanna eat but more like i feel a lingering sense of regret after i eat, or when im full and i just cant stop eating, i feel so fat but i just cant stop eating im like constantly eating and idk how to stop, i can find a food disgusting and still eat it because if its there i feel pulsive to eat it i just cant stop, im gaining weight and sometimes i love eating my foods but my habits just make me stop liking my favourite foods but i still eat them, i hate eating food now i was such a big foodie but now i hate food yet i eat so much more i hate the feeling of eating yet i just cant stop its so bad ik and damn i just wish that sometimes i could just stop eating for a day so i could feel clean again because all i do is consume greasy foods or anything i jst hate the feeling of food btw i dont have a ed

My life is hell and I can only leave in 8 months but nobody’s helping me out before then. My body hurts so much I can barely walk right, I can’t run, my body hurts even when I try to sleep, I can’t have a single second free of anxiety because every day I’m anxious and scared all the time and I’m so tired because I’ve never been free from this hell since I was born and I want freedom, am I not deserving of a chance at it even? Somebody help me

I hate being gay. I am not religious. It starts to feel wrong when I start to act a certain way in real life, that I can normally get away with on the internet. For example, all my online friends think I'm a boy and I can just be myself. But in real life when I want to act the same way, it's socially unacceptable. I know I like super masculine clothes, but when I even think about wearing them to work or out in public, I feel a deep sense of shame and wrongness. I like the idea of being with a woman, but if I went on a real date, it would instantly feel wrong to actually act on it, no matter how pretty she is or how much fun we're having. I don't know why some people are seemingly naturally gay, but I believe it is wrong or at least suboptimal for the human race, even if you are not actively experiencing moral dilemma. If only I could've just been a boy none of this would've happened. Oh well.

I’m honestly really confused and could use some outside opinions. There’s this girl I’ve I’m honestly really confused and could use some outside opinions. There’s this girl I’ve been really close with, and over time we started getting closer. Eventually, we ended up making out, and while it felt good in the moment, afterward I had a lot of mixed feelings. A big part of this is that I’m really confused about my sexuality. I know I’m bisexual, but I’ve always pictured myself having a husband and kids someday, so it’s been hard for me to fully accept that I can also genuinely like girls. I’m still trying to figure out what I want and what my feelings actually mean. After we made out, I realized that while I care about her a lot, something about being romantic with her didn’t feel right to me. Because of that, I decided it would be better if we were just friends. I told her I care about her and still really want her in my life, but I don’t think I want to be in a relationship with her.

im so mad okay, im always the most whimsical therapy friend so ig i just have to vent here now because i just feel like no one gets it okay, my emotions are just eating me up and i know its not my place to vent or ask for help when my problems are so small but its so hot and i cant even think straight anymore i just wanna get out, im so extroverted and social, but slowly im just so mad i wish that people would just dissapear because i just want peace i just wanna be able to sit down without caring about how i look, my weight, studies or anything i jst wanna be alone in silence but i know everyone wants that so i know all this isnt valid but i jst had to vent because sometimes i just wish that i would have some peace without any anxiety building up

I hate myself and I wish I was dead. I have high functioning Autism and Severe ADHD, along with anger issues. I have no friends. I make everyone that I meet uncomfortable with my sense of humor, and it’s ruining my life. I’m always quick to act without thinking, and it can often hurt others. I wish I could just get a new personality.

I’ve been friends with my best friend for near 11 years now and I know he understands me. That he knows I’m quiet and reserved and struggle to reach out first, he knows I still love him dearly and make the effort, but sometimes I can’t help but think how much better of a friend I could be for him. With nothing going on in my life, I’m kind of clueless of what we’d even talk about since I’m a pretty boring person, but I hope we’re together for even more years because he’s practically my brother by now. I hope I’ll be an even better person for him and everyone else I know at some point

I’m trapped in this situation where I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I admit to finding out he’s lied to me, I also have to take accountability for spying on him to even know he’s been lying to me. If I don’t, I’ll resent him over it forever.. I can’t get it off my mind and maybe I’m a coward for keeping it to myself. He’s the type to get overly defensive. It will pivot to me not trusting.. even though I was proven right not to trust him. I’m already dealing with so much right now and this is just causing me so much anxiety and stress. I would’ve been better off ignorant of the situation.

I had a very terrifying nightmare. I dreamt my brother and I were in Japan but everyone there was American. We went into a touristy building but it was like some kind of municipal water treatment plant. It was filled with Americans wandering around and my brother went in and was pushing and scissor-kicking people. To me it felt unreasonable but not uncalled for. One guy my brother kind of tripped and he fell into the water below and he was pissed so he asked our names and he said he was gonna beat the shit out of my brother. We brushed it off and enjoyed the event(it was now an event) and then we kind of got separated and I went into the building looking for him. I was happy so I was skipping and I found my brother. He was lying on the ground, shirt open and pants down. He was beat up all to hell and his penis was cut off. There was blood everywhere and he said "I'm having a bad reaction". I was trying to think what to do and I woke up panicking. I had to watch eye bleach to stop it.

There is not much you can do when someone falsely accuses you of rape out of hate. The problem is people will ruin your life so much over that that you will never be the same.

Today at school we had to doo math testing and i cried because i did badly then i got into lunch and a kid threw his lunch box and it hit my Dr pepper spilling it all over my pants and now my pants are stained so i cried and once i got them dry i was late to my class and in class everyone was yelling and stuff so i put my headphones on without any music just to quiet them a bit then my teacher came over and yelled at me to take them off and said since i didn't have anything in my file saying i could have them on that i wasn't allowed to and i got so overstimulated from not having them on to quiet everyone that i started crying in her class. Sorry just needed to vent to people who might care more then people at school do but i texted my mom during school on my watch and she said that we can try and get me evaluated so that i can get something saying i can have them so i guess that's good this was written by Ash P.

do you ever feel like everyone is judging you without consequence, but if you judge them, you get hated?

bro i went on this app and got sent to the principals office

Love the site. But the next button is still broken. Just saying.

I want to cut myself again but j cant and i hate it so much omfg i been clean for a year yet i still can see my scars and the thing is none of them were permanent so ik im seeing things gosh i miss the feeling of the blade on my skin but i cant vent to anyone about it they'll say "You shouldbt do such things blah blah its bad for you" and just acting like im an idiot who doesnt know the consequences of sh and i hate it i hate it but if i do it again itll be too obvious even tho if end up doing it again ill do it my thighs now sigghhhhh i even tried to cut my thugh with a scissor but i was too afraid to go deep and i just scratched my thigh anf i didnt even feel a thing cuz i didnt even do fucking anytging but i cant tell anyone i dont want any other way to cope other than to cut myself i swear i miss it so much im going insane atp but i have no reason to be upset cuz everything in my life is going great but whatever dont mind that i didnt use any punctuation i just needed to vent

I can’t my parents they won’t stop I can’t talk or show any emotion even if it’s positive, I work constantly school and extra school I’m home on,y for less than a hour before I’m told sleep or else. Everytime something happens which all dot basically everyday by the time I have the littlest time left to cry to ,y self or have those emotions their gone because I was forced to hold it in for so long and it’s getting to the point I forgot whatever happened to make me sad. I can’t do this anymore but I’ve learned to forget so fast and it’s getting worse all while I have no one to tell

I hate myself.whats wrong with me today I had a mental breakdown in front of my school staff, grounded,and just been sneaking on this device to pass the time. And ai bots which makes me a freak I think that rape really fucked me up man