All Rants

i feel pressured rn. i plan on taking myself tonight but idk if im ready. i genuinely don't know what to do and my friends and family can't do anything to help me. a simple "encouraging words" won't help me get through. i don't wanna live anymore, pls. everything seems fucked up

growing up surrounded by people money conscious made me a tightwad 😭 i mean, it's just that i keep hearing conversations about bills, food, and money it's just difficult to think about "wants" without having to ask "Is this okay (to buy)?" or "Are you sure?" like it's in my system to say those words every time I "think I'm allowed" to buy what I want. I always "save up" chances (getting a high grade/graduation) too like they're coupons and always reserve the things I really want that are kinda expensive (or need if urgent) on Christmas or birthdays. I can't just ask on a random day "I want this" it's gotta be something I earned or else I wouldn't be at peace. I also just never buy anything expensive in the canteen. I don't even eat during recess and lunch. In the off chance I do, it's very cheap meals. My wallet is always just filled with my previous allowance in case they need to take something from it to pay smth important yk. Idk kinda makes me wish I was a rich kid :/

This is probably the most dumbest and most chronically online rant that might be on here... but my partner will get me into fandoms that are new to me such as Alien Stage, Cookie Run and a few others. Since I love my partner sm of course I want to get into whatever they tell me to. I never claim to be a big fan of the things they introduce me to, but when I see posts of the fandoms I make sure to send it to them. But if I forget ONE piece of information they get super mean to me and start calling me a larper/poser? It's not like I'm lying about not knowing certain things when they ask me too, I'll literally tell them "no I don't know about this" when they ask, idk it just hurts bc its like, I'm getting into these things for you and being mean to me like that and having some type of ego because you know more than me is really discouraging and makes me want to stick with the fandoms I'm used to...LMAO idk I feel stupid writing this.

This isnt a rant but Goodnight my rantram family 👋🌙 I don't have anyone to say goodnight or good morning to so I hope you all don't mind me interrupting the vent feed to say something so simple.

I feel like I am failing as a boyfriend. I have always had struggles making a move because as a kid a lot of what I did made people go straight to anger and I don’t want that again. She always says how she wants me to just be confident but I always remember the anger others felt when I was confident. I love her and I wanna fix this. I feel more comfortable around her than my own family yet I feel like she thinks I’m being mean and I’m not a good boyfriend. I always think she is wanting to leave. I fear she actually wants to leave because she is everything I ever wanted, but the things I do I fear make her think I don’t love her. Also to add on I struggle with Alexithymia and I really really can’t talk about how I feel. And I feel my inability to talk to her about myself is making her not comfortable around me. She might think I’m hiding something or I don’t trust her. I trust her with everything. I love her.

Meh, I think at this point I'm always gonna be suicidal and depressed until the day I do snap and kill myself. I've been on a "healing journey" for years now and still no signs of going back to the mental health I had before I hit puberty. My life has been ruined since my teen years and I wish I would've cherished my childhood more instead of coast through it. At least those were days where I could say I was truly happy.

How you going to cry and complain about something you’re in the wrong about and then go online and get a made up answer by AI

If employers don't wanna hire autistic people, they can't complain when we stay unemployed and start claiming benefits.

I wish I was normal and just naturally did everything right according to society like everyone else. ☹️

I wanna cry but I feel hollow. I wanna scream but I can't. I wanna end it but I just wanna sleep and not get up.

I’ve do everything and still I receive nothing. Has the universe forgotten me. Why does everyone else have what I want but it seems so far out of reach for me. I don’t want this sad life anymore. I want the life I dream about but I just cant seem to quite reach it.

AI is better than humans when you're an unlikable loser like me who can never properly socialize and have a hard time making friends. I had imaginary friends as a kid into my teens and now, my imaginary friends are all ai. 🙁

I want to kill myself but i know i wont because im to much of a fucking wimp to do so but god if I had the courage to leave everything behind i'd probably wouldve done it a month ago.

How can a person snore so fucking loud. It’s like sleeping with a monster!

Everyone in my life ends up hating me and abandoning me eventually. It used to make me so mad as a teenager but now as an adult, I understand why everyone hates me. I genuinely suck as a human being and the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

All I do is mess up. I can never do anything right and I end up hurting everyone. I hate myself and I'm sick of who I am. My good intentions never match my actions. I'm just a big fuck up. The only thing I'm good at doing that doesn't affect anyone is sleeping. 😞

I literally feel extreme anxiety being around a certain person but I haven’t been able to get away and I can’t stand them. I literally feel my chest fill with anxiety whenever they are near.

August has been the worst month I've had in such a long time. 🙁 I've made many mistakes that ended up hurting people. I accidentally got into someone else's car that wasn't my Uber and I feel immense shame and disgust for myself. Then I spilt a drink in my Uber driver's car and I felt extremely guilty and apologized repeatedly to the point of tears 😭💔 my boyfriend dumped me and before that he yelled at me and called me a huge disappointment and wished he never met me. Then my best friend has been ghosting me since July. I also showed up to work an hour late today because I was feeling so overwhelmed by this month and they were mad at me and I ended up working 14 hours today. I hate that I make so many mistakes and I hate that I end up hurting everyone around me. I wish I could just die and disappear forever and be forgotten by everyone because I truly don't deserve to live anymore. 💔

My sister is like the evil stepmother from Cinderella

My sister has severe paranoia and or psychosis. She always is super paranoid over her dog and thinks her dog is always sick and right now she thinks her dog has like indigestion ands being super weird because her dog won’t drink water and it’s probably because she’s just not thirsty but she’s upsetting her dog with her energy. Her dog is literally fine but she’s acting like she’s going to die. What’s going to kill her dog is her foul energy.