All Rants

wow. i feel better venting. ive never been able to do something like this before. i feel like, idk, maybe, even if its false... that maybe, just maybe, one day, ill feel truly happy and peaceful. like i can change my name, and my hair, and have people refer to me with they/them, and not she/her. oh well. ive always been told im too optimistic. whoevers out there... i hope that future happens for you. where everything will finally, truly be okay :)

i cant get out of bed. even when my mother screams at me. even when i feel like a failure and would rather be anywhere else. the world could burn around me and i couldnt do anything. just crawl into a ball and sob.

i love my gf... but i think i just dont want to be a burden to her. they're very nice, but just... yeah.

GOD I HATE EVERYTHING. WHY. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO HATE ME AND MAKE MY LIFE HELL. NO. HELL IS BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE HECK THIS IS.

i want to get married and start a family, i really do, but what if my children experience the same things i am experiencing rn. what if they have the same thoughts as me, what if they wake up every morning wondering why they were born in the first place, what if they spend every day wishing they were gone, wondering if they'll ever be good enough, wanting to kill themselves. i know that i can "break the generational curse" but what if i cant? what if i do to my children what my parents did to me? not knowing that their child is trying her best not to make a sound as she cries her heart out, that her child is thinking of killing herself, that her child is a few events away from breaking down. the sad part is, i tell my mom that im tired and drained from school and from everything in general. but instead of comfort, i receive a shrug from her. it's just sad. i wish i wasnt born in the first place. thats the phrase keeping me from having children "i wish i wasnt born in the first place"

this isn't necessarily out of goodwill or kindness, if anything it's almost maybe offensive but i wish i would've gotten sick and get all of the illnesses my relatives have instead of them. they have families to provide to, children to raise, dreams, and people worth living for. i don't. i don't have that sort of will to live. i would gladly accept a life-threatening disease and die if i had to. if some god gave a choice between living or dying, i would rather die. i don't have big dreams i can't see myself doing any sort of career, i'm a child out of wedlock and my mom has a perfect family w her husband and child. a family she's always wanted. i just don't feel like i fit in that (we don't live together anyway), im frankly speaking, unimportant. i would gladly shoulder all their diseases if it meant dying.

i just cant fuction. i want to seek help. but i cant. i feel like the only way someone would care and help me seek support is if they noticed me sh or if attempted to commit and it failed. i want to be alive. i want to FEEL alive. but i just cant. recently everyone, especially my family, has been pressuring me on my studies, making me feel like a failure, making me feel so flipping guilty. they look at me with such disgust and resentment. all because i used to be a straight a student and my mental health has just gotten so much worse, affecting my studies and everything. its so hard to get out of bed. i just want everything to just stop. its too loud and fast but too slow and lonely and i just want to cry, but ive always been told to be emotionally regulated and bury and bottle everything, so i can only feel apathy. i feel cold. i hate it. -A

hay, im super tired of everything. i feel so drained to the point that i dont want to do anything. i just want to die tbh. i feel like no one gets me. my family hates me, my friends dont even know that im struggling, my classmates dont even give a shit, and i dont want to rant out to my bf because he doesnt deserve this version of me. i just want to cry in somebody's arm and just let this all out. I dont know how much of this i can take. i just wanna die broooooo. fuck myself, fuck everything. nothing i ever do is good enough. im only in senior high but i feel like ive messed up my entire future. i just want to hug someone pls. im so tired of everything.

Really early this year, I started playing games with this guy. We became pretty close friends and started dating life, got really busy, so I couldn't play or talk as much, which made me feel really guilty. I had a lot of important exams and had to study and kept pushing off talking to him. I feel like shit because I've ghosted him But I honestly don't even feel like I like him anymore. We've never met in person and I don't even know his actual name.

I want to kms by the end of this month. I don't care anymore. I just want to end this. I've been pressured on school for the past 3 months, and I can't just not do it otherwise I might get removed from said school, and I don't have any another alternative schools, and we can't afford homeschooling or tutoring. I have been abused by my father in my younger years, before preschool, around 3 ~ 4 yrs old, my grandmother died when I was 6 years old, and my extended family makes me feel like a burden, and my mother just demotivates me from non-school things and treats me like a machine and doesn't accept failure. My left ear is in almost constant pain. It hurts. I do not want to be in this body anymore. If reincarnation was real, I would probably already be in another person's body. They're religious and won't accept I'm bisexual. I just want ONE person to talk to, to convince me not to kill myself. They're lucky I haven't done SH or kms. Thanks for reading - JKCV

I have these feelings that I'm not supposed too, I have a crush on my best friend, I've liked her for a year now, I've hid it and never told anyone. I want to be her one. I love her so much, it hurts. I've given her so much advice on her previous relationships (3) and I still haven't even hinted that I like her. She's in a relationship right now, but they have been arguing a lot, I don't want to be the person to ruin it and be the homewrecker, I don't know what to do

pov: wanting to k y s but being too scared to pov: wanting to live but being too scared to pov: wanting to cys but being too scared to pov: wanting to eat but being too scared to pov: wanting nothing and everything all at the same time -f.g

i will be moving out on the 1st. missed hospital appointments, neglectful of my medications, neglectful of my own hygiene and my own feelings most of all. i feel exhausted, and it feels as though i have no real outlets to speak my mind, vent my emotions, let it all out on my own terms. i feel stuck, it feels as though everyone wants and expects something of me, it feels as though no matter what i do or say, nothing is ever enough and good things never last. it feels as though i am indirectly made to feel as though i should just give up on my one and only life. people are needlessly cruel everywhere i look.

I wish I had the number to my younger self I'd pick up the phone and say, "You're only young" And you've felt more than most people do You don't know it now but there's still more to feel 'Cause you mover away, and people move on Your heart's gonna hurt over and over You're not to blame, so don't blame yourself I hope this works You're gonna ask, "Why" You're gonna want answers Gonna feel like you are not quite good enough You're gonna think twice before you do something Wonder when people will tell you Hate to be the one to tell you that But you won't be alright kid I wish you knew the feeling was permanent I wish you knew you should not go to that school And time does not go backwards, it won't fix anything If you knew it now, what you were gonna do You might care less about what they think Stop trying to save the world, it doesn't want to It hurts so much, please ask for help But you won't do it

Why am I always background noise? To my friends online, my friends irl, my family, and even my boyfriend, all I am is background noise. Why does everyone always dismiss me so easily? Why can't my friends take me seriously? If I try to talk I get dismissed all because I'm schizophrenic. I can't stand myself, why am I so ugly and annoying? Why can't I be normal? I don't know how much more I can take. I want to keep going, to fight but I just don't have the energy. I'm trying, I really am but my meds aren't working anymore and I feel so alone. I'm sick. I'm so sick of it. My home doesn't feel like a home anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I wasn't so scared to end everything.

Ewan i wish you knew how much i miss you even though we were just fuck buddies and all that, i fucking miss ur touch, i hate it when someone touched me but you made it feel so normal i hate it, im going crazy and its 4:30am and i cant sleep because i cant stop thinking abt youre god damn face and everything about you its driving me fucking crazy its like you put me in a fucking trance and i want it gone i dont want you if u dont want me fucking back i cant stop thinking about you

yk what i hate? i hate that i am friends with a lot of people. i hate that i don't have a lot of friends. i hate that i know a lot of people. i hate that i only know few people well. because id rather have 1 best amazing wonderful understanding kind friend then be friends with 50 ppl but never be chosen in a room full of ppl. how do i explain that i feel lonely when i am surrounded by ppl? does anyone else get this?-f.g

actually, i'm pretty happy my best friend (she's moved and now in a different far-off city near the capital) has found new friends in an entirely new environment it's just that i kind of feel like i'm the only one not really "growing" or developing. she's gone and hung out with her friends there shopping and just staying at their places but we've never done those when she was still around.😢 not that she hasn't hung out with her other friends in our place too, she has---it's just me who hasn't done most of those. 😢 i've just never been social or "welcoming" enough to actually go to another's house or invite them at ours (more like i wasn't really allowed to, js cuz we were a lil embarrassed abt our place) and i never know what to talk about. i also don't have a lot of friends that im as close with as my best friend so yeah it just kinda feels like self-pitying myself. "everyone's out there living a life while im being a socially anxious chud" man 😢

I'm my biggest hurdle. I stop myself from doing fun things. I have pathological demand avoidance and it manifests like anxiety and panic attacks. Right before I'm about to do something fun or anything that I have intended to do for a while my brain gives me a panic attack until I'm unable to do anything. Then I regret not doing what I was meant to do and it eats me from the inside out. Yesterday was meant to do something really really incredible and not even an hour before I was meant to leave the panic attack came and I had to cancel. I had the earliest nights sleep I think I've had in over a year I slept for 16 hours. I had several bouts of sleep paralysis and night terrors, I think because I regret not going and my subconscious is really trying to work through how much I hate my demand avoidance. Plus I don't want to be a burden to my friends. I don't want to go into detail and unload onto them especially when I haven't known them that long. I just don't want to be a burden.

i don’t know how to communicate or open up. my family life is horrible and it’s eating away at me. i just want to isolate myself. i love my friends and i don’t want them to worry about me but i don’t know what to do. summer has been horrible since im just stuck with the people that drain all my energy.