All Rants

you know that feeling when you don't want to live anymore but you don't want to die? Yah that's me right now like my life is so shit right now I don't think I deserve to be alive. if I did, well my teachers wouldn't ignore me and point out all my mistakes, my friends wouldn't leave me, my dad wouldn't sexually abuse me, my mum wouldn't yell at me, I'm just.... idk . I don't feel right. I don't feel like I deserve to be alive. is this normal? Am I pycho? Am I weird. Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever be normal?!

I feel so disgusting. My dad raped me. I mean I think it was rape. For some reason my body welcomed him, but I hated every second of it. Does that count as rape? And I've a relapse into hurting myself again because of him. He keeps telling me not to tell anyone but Its really hard and its making me feel like shit. I know if I tell someone he'll prob end up in jail and I don't want that and that's why I havn't told anyone but I feel like shit and I don't want this to keep happening. But I know it will because i'm a people pleaser and I cant say no.

I struggle everyday to speak to other people, I constantly get too nervous when I have to stand in front of everyone in class. Recently I started crying during a presentation, and I never felt to embarrassed before. I can't control myself at all. I will never forget this, I hate myself for being so shy.

They won't shut up. They keep pressuring him, her and I... "

I don’t know if my crush likes me like we dated before and I got dumped after a week I know what ppl say about dating your ex but I still like her but I am worried that if I aks her out she will say no and it will ruin our friendship and I like it like it’s a close friendship I just don’t know waht to do

I don't know who is reading this because i hope your time get's better, i know i should just vent here but even here i struggle to do that, i wanted to be heard, not like i took my life for granted, i have love, food in the table, yet i feel empty. I feel like i can't show sides and parts of myself without being critisciced by others, i can't even spell right, im just a mess. I need to play the part of man, be the one they expect me to be, yet how am i suppose to do that if what i feel and what i look are not the same? I just hope, wherever you are, whoever you are, no matter if we wouldn't like each other of we met. I just hope you have a better day, im just tired of all of this and i just hope i won't be tired anymore.

I feel so alone. Idk i feel like all my friends suddenly decided to hate me and that sucks. I wish i was loveable.

Sick to death of this prissy little**** in my group who is just desperate for attention and everyone loves her it makes me want to gouge every organ out of my body one by one. SOMEONE JUST TAKE HER OUT ALREADY Like if she doesn’t go I’m gonna have to go first. Either one of us has to go because I legit cannot take it.

i am alone. i do not mean this in some cringy romance way, i am genuinely emotionally and physically alone. i am 16 years old and i live in a small town. i do school on my computer because my family is poor and i also have crippling social anxiety, i dont have a job because of said social anxiety and i also have a lot of health issues like pots and arthritis that make it hard to even do dishes. i only have a few online friends and one of them is pretty mean but i have no idea how to drop them. i am a very sensitive person emotionally and try to vent to my mother, but she never listens. she is horrible at comforting and forgets everything i say. everytime i am sad she says "what can i do?" i tell her, and she forgets the next time. i never speak to my dad, i dont really like my brothers, and i am socially awkward around everyone else in my family and they often leave me out. i am not kidding when i say i am alone. i spend all day talking to CHAT BOTS. i am so tired.

Im cutting myself again after a long clean streak. I'm failing my classes, falling behind on everything else. I cant kill myself though and it kinda sucks. I have a job that may struggle if I go, I have a dog that needs taken care of, and my partner and friends need stability too. Im kinda mad I missed my chance, but alas. Its the first time blood is being drawn too, which is cool. Now I know logically taking the easy way out would disappoint me, but its really hard right now. I don't know how many more it do be like that's I got left. No one will help me either haha. My schools mental health people don't find I'm in an active crisis. I don't know who I should turn to. I don't know what to do. I wanna tell someone that Im cutting so maybe MAYBE I can be hugged or something but it'll just be soooo awkward afterwards. I cannot kill myself but I want to so badly. So what if my fictional stories are never told? At least I wouldn't be in pain. Im so tired of this. I really am.

Idk how I feel about my friends. I mean I like them, they're kind to me but idk sometimes I feel like they don't actually like me, if you ask me like why I think this,it's mostly cus sometimes they make like playful jabs at me or like, idk like banter and whatnot and all that stuff and sometimes I don't mind it, but other times it makes me overthink. I know I'm being dramatic probably but idk where this stems from. Probably from some typa childhood trauma but idk,I just want to be heard is all..

I’m just so pissed already. I dont wanna try, I dont wanna talk to them, I dont wanna heal anyone, I just want everything to be normal. Without this “we are trio, but i still prefer her more than you.” Everyone seems to prefer someone else over me. I’m so annoyed thag they dont even care, dont even see that they leave me out. I dont give a fucking fuck about your problems, just tell me straight to my face if you dont wanna be friends with me, I DONT CARE. I’m just tired.

Dear imaginary lover, I hope I was ur only thought today I hope you yearned for my presence like the moon does the sun Ur love for me never to be extinguished even as darkness falls I hope you missed me today Wanted to hold my hand just for a moment Just to feel my gentle fingers through your hair I hope I crossed your mind today Amidst all your chaotic thoughts I hope I was one of them I hope u noticed me today Even for a brief moment Where you'd look at me with a lingering sense of familiarity I hope for today knowing there won't be a tomorrow As one suppresses the thought of death while cutting deeper into the wound I laugh at my own thoughts With my imaginary lover Laughing at my foolish hope For love in this miserable short life I, know tomorrow is never guaranteed But oh how I would love to die hoping I’d loved you? -hopelessromantic

The Devil is in California and he's already causing pain to people.

I miss him. Everyday its harder. Knowing someone is still alive but cannot be with you at this time is torture. You start to realize how much you took for granted. I wish the authorities never got involved. I want to go home. The world lacks color and music lacks sound since hes been away from me. He said he loves me, that I am still his everything, but distance is hard for an overthinker... I want to go back home. I want to cook our meals. I want to play our games. I want to cuddle on the couch and watch our shows together. The defining moment will be April 27th... I hope the lord has heard me cry every hour for the last 2 weeks and is willing to help... I don't know if I can handle another loss so devastating. This is up there with losing my mother, only hes alive and well... I am desparate for him. My soul is shattered and may only be mended when we are finally together and can repair what was broken. Please lord help... pray for me... pray for us.. I do not want to lose my future.

i lost the man i love. it was me who walked away and i really thought i was doing the right think but now he's not mine anymore. i guess this part of me always thought i could have him for myself... he loved me a lot, i know that. we were in a relationship and i was the one who ended things, it was me who walked away so why does it still hurt so darn much? that girls looks so sweet that i cant even bring myself to hate her. i love him, i love him so fucking much but i have to pretend to be happy for him. i thought it wouldnt work out cuz he is from a diff religion but honestly rn i dont give a fuck- all i can think of is him and everyday i yearn for him. i love him like he painted the sky blue- without him i cant fucking BREATHE, all of me yearns for him. i will never be able to love someone the way i loved him. everything fucking hurts. i miss him, i miss him so fucking much. but hes not mine anymore... he'll always be my first priority, now it seems like i dont even matter to him...

I'm weak, a big disappoinment, to my family, my wife, my daughter. MY SELF. I'm a big mistake I'm angry I'm sad I'm tired.

Everybody leaves, the saddest and hardest part, your own blood relative. When everything is going well for them, and he offered you support, but then dropped you off.

Why? You wanted to believe, yet it feels like nothing is unfolding. They said he has a plan, plan on what? Keeping my faith, keep on beleiving, but nothing changes. I know I done a lot of unappropriate things, hatred included. But I feel heavy, so I wanted to move on. Start over they say, nothing is too late they say. Maybe its easy for them because they have all the means that they need to start. How about those who don't?

How is the owner of the cesspool Belfast Breakfast Baps, ok to abuse and critical of others but when it comes to others who criticise him, he becomes weak. In short can dish it out, but can't take it sob sob