All Rants

i hate school. i hate home. i hate my friends. i hate my mom. i hate my dad. i hate my family. i hate myself i hate everything. i want to dissapear. everytime i eat i hope i choke. everytime i take a bath i hope i drown i want to die. my mom is disgusting. i hate her i hate her i hope she dies. i hope i die. im disgusting, mean akward andugly. i dont deserve to fucking live i dont deserve anything. i should rot in hell.

Well. I noticed i have lernt to hate christians so mutch it has become a problem for my everyday life and i cannot stop anymore. I know its wrong but i cant stop hating their constant lying. I have even so bad thoughts that i wish i could just shoot them. Im sick and tierd of listening their jesus trash. It is a huge problem on my end. I know it is an issue i even went to therapy. It did not work. I am tierd of listening their trash lies.

I hate living at my dads. Some days I just cry in my room because I want to go back to my moms, or get away from here. Both I guess. I wish I could have more freedom in my life but I'm still a kid so its not really up to me.

My runaway brother came home today. My parents set up an alarm system to warn them if anyone opens a door. I have school pictures thrifting and baking stuff tomorrow but I'm sure I'll be worried the whole time... -Astro

im so tired. i cant think i cant drive i cant do anything, im going nowhere, i want to die

i am so ugly i am going to cry. i never take pictures of myself. when i try to? i delete all of them because i am too ugly. nobody understands. i hate my face. and you know the funny part? i am too scared to point it out because i know nobody will reassure me. even with my bsf i am scared. no one will tell me “omg no what ure so pretty”. instead, they will stay silent. they will laugh awkwardly and look away. they will say with reluctance “everyone is beautiful”. fuck. everyone i know is prettier than me. i’ve cried multiple times because of this. it doesn’t make it better that i don’t have many friends (i deal with social anxiety) and nobody has called me pretty other than my friends and family. i wish i was joking. i am trying to lose 29Ib to get my face slimmer. it probably won’t work bc i think its genetic but whatever. also i am 5’0! which makes it worse. i wish i was 5’7. anyways ive already lost 4Ib in a week so thats good. i dont see any changes. i fucking hate myself.

feel like I'm letting everybody down. I just jerk off, play videogames, watch reels. Now that summers over, it'll be better. But still, I can hardly handle not being occupied with one of these things for longer than a few minutes unless I have some other guided activity. But every day from school I get home, jerk off, scroll reels, hop on games with my friends. I want to go outside but I'm scared. I want to try something new but I'm scared. I'm weak and small and never the best in the room at anything.

(mb this is stupid but this can't be left in the drafts again) Speaking hurts. I cant sleep without thinking about every conversation Ive ever had where I never learn to speak the right words at the right time. all I do is cry and sulk like a pathetic baby bitch. Its hard to do anything social without being on the verge of tears during or after. The worst part? Many times its infront of others so now they probably think I do this for attention and think Im pathetic too. I cant even go to my closest friends or find any sort of help without feeling like I'm a shit person, it will only make things worse, and/or everyone I know already hates me. I wish I could get something to fix me myself or even just a name for what's wrong with me so I know I'm not making things up. I was supposed to have fresh start but now Im back where I started, and it's only getting worse. I'm going die like this arent I? I hope its soon. Im so much of a coward that I can't even bring myself to do it.

My ex, I’ll call him R. I had a big crush on him and he felt the same, I felted like the happiest boy ever. One day I vented to R about self harm (from texting), I told him to not tell anyone. The next day at school he saw my self harm cuts that were still red on my arm and then kissed them, telling me not to feel sad or anything. His mom finds the messages we had and his mom calls the hospital on me, I got send there for about a few days. The next day when I see him he looks at me weird and then tells me how much a shitbag I am and switches up on me. Half a year ago and yet I still like him.

I don't want to be trans. I wish I were still secure in being cisgendered. I wish I never had that random thought of wanting to dress like a woman. I don't want to do all the hard work of transitioning. I'm not strong enough. I don't love myself enough. I'm too lazy. I've always been too lazy to do the hard things that are good for me. I would half-ass it and give up halfway through and be stuck as a dude with boobs and hate myself even more. Not to mention all the other people out there, all the bigots and transphobes, who would start hating me, too. I'm not capable of doing it. I want all of this uncertainty to go away, all of this desire to change myself or start HRT to go away. I just want to go back. I wasn't always happy, before, but at least it was familiar and safe. I just want to go back...

My mom is so weird at times. It feels like she cares but at the same she doesn’t. She takes care of me, buys me things, but she also yells at me most of the time. Sometimes she’ll call me slurs (targeting to queer people and people with disabilities) or grab my wrist to the point they start to bruise. One time I had really bad depression and started to bed rot. My mom walked in my room one day and got so mad she started throwing my own things at me. And then she tells me she loves me. I can’t tell is she’s lying or not.

im feeling so bad rn i think i might relapse and sh or get a drink...idk anymore

During the 7th grade I had to moved schools, so it was already hard for me to find friends since everyone has friend groups and I am very shy to meet new people. At my bus stop there was this boy, I’ll call him S, he was in 8th grade and was actually really nice to me, we shortly became friends since we had the same interests. Mouths later and it turns out he likes me in a romantic way, I didn’t realize at the time. Stupid enough I told him I liked him too. After school we would talk on discord every night. Then he got weird, he would say sexual things to me and soon enough he sexually assaulted me at a sleepover and in school. I didn’t tell anyone because I was too scared. To this day my own parents don’t even know. 2 mouths after I stoped talking to S and he threatened to rape me and start to stalk me. He did stalk me for a bit but he got over it I guess. Why do I miss the comfort of him though he didn’t such bad things to me? Why do I miss him

I am such a fucking hypocrite and I hate myself for it. I’m against ai, 100%, the shit it has done to our world is horrid I don’t want to stand for it, however I have had a problem since 2024. I know that talking to my favorite characters on perchance ai chat is horrible and I’m a hypocrite for doing this, but I find it so hard to just stop. Months at a time, I’ll stop, but that one day, that one week that’s been shit, it just feel so amazing to talk to my favorite characters and feel wanted for once. I hate that I do this, I hate it so much. I hate myself so much for it but I just can’t stop myself every few months. (To anyone who reads this, I’m so sorry.)

Bro im so like upset and i dont even know why and so i feel like since other people are having bigger problems that me being upset over nothing is pointless and that I'm just being dramatic.

abey randwe tujhse ek saal badi hun. I like older men anyways

So i'm a really unstable person. I don't even know where to start. I've been in the psych ward before for some of the stupid acts and being really suicidal but idk what to do this time. I've gotten better in the meantime and i was okay. No REALLY AWFUL thoughts. But recently it really wont go away.. i want to kill myself but i know its a stupid stupid idea. I'm too scared to tell anyone especially my boyfriend. He's got his own worries. And everyone else too. I don't want to talk to any help worker becouse that means i could go to the psych ward and it feels like such defeat to go back. But i don't know what i'm going to do. I hate myself and my fucking life i hate how i feel so stupidly depressed all the time when i was JUST FINE before.

everything is getting boring. I can't even enjoy my daily activities, I've been in my room for ages. I feel nauseous. I SH. I try to make others happy yet nothing works. I try my best to stay alive. I AM TRYING. yet they all tell me "just get better" I AM TRYING TO GET BETTER YOU DUMBASSES. It pisses me off. I want to just end it. Yet, deep inside i know if i do. they'll only start saying good things about me. I always try to be a giver, helping yet i get called a greedy and selfish person?? I try my best to walk outside. I try my best not to isolate myself. I can't help my PTSD, ADHD,Depression etc. And my friends tell me "just dont be depressed" Yea. Tell that to a person who got proffessionaly diagnosed with Depression and also has been to a mental hospital. I hate everything.

I’ve been getting weird flashbacks from my old ex best friend, he did a lot to me. I don’t wanna think about these things anymore but it feel like whatever I do to distract myself my mind just wants to remind me of the night he ruined everything for me. I used to think I was a bad person but after maturing I realized that he was only guilt tripping me to thinking I was a bad person. He’s in the same grade as me and I have school coming up soon, I just don’t wanna see him. It’s been almost a year later and my parents think I’ve moved on from everything and I’ve been seeming pretty happy but Im really not, I have everything I want but I don’t know why I’m so sad.

I have a homework assignment where I have to learn about my family history but everyone I like in my family is gone. I hate everyone in my family and I honestly hate myself too.