All Rants

I hate that I feel some sort of hatred or jealousy towards me friends. They get to go to universities that are paid for by their parents or federal aid. They got to move out and have their independence. I hate that I want to leave my home so badly. I hate that I have to work so much to pay for my OWN education and have to stress over money while THEY get to live in dorms, away from parents, and all they have to worry about is classes. I don’t hate them, but something about the comparison makes me feel mad. I’m stressed and I feel like I’ll never make enough to reach my goal. I love my parents but I hate the idea of staying under their roof any longer than necessary.

For the last 2 fucking hours it's been constant creak thump from the upstairs and it about drove me nuts. If it's not them it's fam. I can't sleep hardly for these people. At the very least sometimes I'm able to take a nap at evening time. But noooooooo. Constant fucking creaking and thumping. And my fam has audacity to tell me to calm down. They stay in their own world. The only time they're ever triggered is if somebody rocks their boat. I get sick of being disturbed by these baboon acting karens. They're just obnoxious pig acting matureless whatever word you wanna throw in there. Miss piggy from the muppets has more maturity and class than they do. I haven't slept well in at least a week. If it isn't fam yelling drunk it's them. So excuse me if I feel like throwing rocks through windows. Not that I will ofc. But I feel like it. I hate fam doesn't understand me and often invalidates me as well. I wish those fucking baboons would move out. I don't bother anybody yet I get this crap.

I been drawing for a good while and yet my art is not good. "Practice. Be patient." "Time will tell" I'm so tired of hearing it. I hate it. I'm already 19 and I'm still shit at this. "You can still improve. Its never too late." Yes it is. I'm tired of not being on the same level as everyone else. What are they doing that I'm not? It feels more like talent atp. Like as if they were made for it. What am I made for? What am I made to do? I'm never gonna be skilled or talented at this. And I hate it. Everyone is so positive and yet its not doing nothing to be positive. I want to give up with stupid dream so much but there's nothing else I would want. Nothing else I would want to be. I don't want to work for a career that'll just make me depressed that I didn't achieve my dreams. Or I don't want to be reminded how much I failed for myself. If I choose anything else I will be depressed and want to die more than anything. But I have to for survival. Not happiness

she tells me to wait. She tells me someday. Shes moving on, talking to new guys, but tells me she loves me. I don't know how to feel, or why to feel it. Please tell me what to do, do I wait for her and the hope of our love, or do i try my hardest to move on.

I have this weird thing with food. There are some days where i feel like i can't eat very much. Not because i want to be skinny or anything but because i feel like i have to fit this mold to be recognized as someone with an eating disorder. I dont glorify it or anything its just a weird thing that happens to me sometimes. I would truly appreciate if anybody could tell me what this could be <3

I know I shouldn't be dependent on others for my happiness but my fucking mental health is so damn shit that it feels so lonely down here. I'd hope for good friends to help me through it all but no. They have their own shit and I can't help but not weigh on their minds. Now I'm on a study abroad the very few friends I have are hundreds of miles away and I can't help but feel so lonely here. I'm trapped between trying to hang with people who I agree with morally but hardly notice my presence or to hang out with people I disagree on every moral front just to stay sane. I have my boyfriend but he's far away and of course he'd want to talk. I don't want to depend on him for company all the time, I'd like friends and not just be a loner. I am just so tired of life and I just want to feel for just a few months at the very least true mental clarity. Not disassociation from life but to worry about nothing. Without alcohol without weed just pure mental clarity from everything in this world.

I am diagnosed with some things that make it very hard for me to understand people and care, and ive been in a long term relationship with someone, 4 years and counting, but I dont feel anything towards them anymore... like that spark we had was gone and I started speaking to this person, and she is great and amazing, but im in a relationship, she is interested and all and I really dont know what to do, I dont even feel guilt about it, and I hate that I dont Its like... this woman im with relies on me, she thinks everything is going perfectly and she trust me, and im breaking that trust behind her back and I dont feel guilt. The only reason im even here is because logically in my brain i know this is wrong, this isnt how things should be, but I just dont care

I feel lonely, very lonely. I can't help but feel so lonely even when surrounded by so many. It's eating at me more and more, like a damn plague. I feel like I barely have any friends, I'm just that "placeholder friend." The friend that is only a friend if everyone else is gone. Outside of that I'm just alone, no one to directly hangout with, no one to talk to, nothing. Just me screaming within a void hoping something returns besides my own voice. I hate trying to make friends because I'm so socially anxious and my social anxiety is awful but even when I do I still fail. I always become that "placeholder friend." If I don't talk within a place or talk to anyone for a while they wouldn't notice my absence. It would be just forgotten like everything else. This isn't a "I think" or "most likely" its a certainty. My absence from many I considered my friend hasn't been noticed.

I am so damn tired, just so damn tired. I'm exhausted with my own mental health to be specific, the constant cycle of normalcy before the depressive period where I am debating death or not. Outside of those terrible periods I feel the numb, emotionless periods take up my time. I'm surrounded by people yet feel so lonely. I keep hearing "Get meds! Get meds!" and I explain my situation over and over again. I'm trapped, I want to but I'm unable to due to my circumstances. They know it and yet still act all offended when I finally get frustrated at their repeated useless advice. I've been growing more and more obsessed with the moon and becoming stardust. Just feeling my body drift away as my mind lets go of all the worries, all the mental health, all the trauma everything. I can be with my dog on the moon, I can watch the galaxy as I drift across the sky watching the stars. I just want to curl up and cry but I can't anymore. I want to reach out but I know it's going to be the same.

So uh... do I get responses to these, or do I just write and stuff?

I didn’t know what you think about me . But I am very sad To hear what you think about me. I am broken but i know in life my main thing is to forget everyone and detach from everyone. I m letting my feelings flow and forgetting you like a wind .

Genuinely want to end my fucking life, everyone is pissing me off and im chopped and somehow an a plus isnt good enough making the team isnt good enough being good at multiple instruments isnt enough jst like fml

Why did i marry such a scumbag who doesn't listen to my problem and don't even try to understand when try to make a conversation with him at least to make the misunderstanding disappear he just keep on ignoring me But when i post things which i want to talk to him as status in messaging he comes and delete it Why can't he take such initiative in speaking with me but clearing the status which would depict his character to outside world rare caring about his self character damage such a male chauvinists why why didn't see that coming and always trying to assassinate my character

Healing from betrayal, I feel stuck thinking there's more, I'm afraid to fully heal and then have the other shoe drop...trickle truth has stopped for now, we are trying to rebuild but I am stuck here

am i the only one who fantasies about what life would be like after i die? and NO i am not suicidal but i don’t want to be here either lol but i do not and will not kms😭 but i always think about what if would be like… this is selfish… real people are suffering

with relationships and friendships and people in general, i hate them all. and ik what ur thinking, “yeah we all hate everyone” but i GENUINELY mean it. if one person does one little small thing that dosent align with what is okay for me than i genuinely will hate them entirely. like i will just stop liking them even if it was years ago! is this apart of being avoidant or do i just have a weird disorder? i feel like i hate everyone even my family and i want to be alone but then feel sad when im lonely and crave connection??????

sometimes i fantasise about strangling the people who make me upset. like… it gives me so much relief just thinking about me hurting them… is that just me lol? everytime someone hurts me i jus think about how good it would be for them to get karma. Sigh.. nevertheless they will get what they deserve

I'm so sick of ChatGPT this ChatGPT that. Pick up a pencil and learn how to draw. Use a library if you want to know more about something, ask a neighbor, literally anything else!!!!!! We didn't need this stuff years ago and we DON'T need it now. It's actively making humanity less intelligent. For the love of the planet and your communities, stop using it. Screw AI, and screw the people that use it and don't care about the consequences.

hello everyone. I’m a 16 yo girl and throughout these past year, i have felt an inexplicable and immense wash of sadness over my daily life. i am in a constant state of derealisation and it feels like i am just drowning in a pool of pure misery. i have a full family and plenty of friends and it just feels like there isn’t a reason for me to be sad???? i am really confused and overwhelmed with how sad i am and how i feel about life and i have genuinely never felt so vulnerable and lost. it’s like i want to run away so far that even memories of me are forgetten. i want to tell my brother i want a therapist but im too scared to tell anyone because they will think that i don’t need it. but i really want someone to rely on and i just need some help :(

I'm 4 years old and I have such braindead takes on politics. I never matured into an adult. I never passed puberty. I never developed the creative and critical skills that you all have. I only fall into the illusion of having, the boredom, the pain of being seen, the illusion of ending my suffering, and back again. I know that there's nothing wrong with committing suicide but that you've acted inauthentically to the challenge of nature, but that's not for everyone and some people can't climb and fend for themselves because inequality is natural and implicit in everything. It's the frustration that will drive me to suicide, it will never be rational.