All Rants

im getting laughed at. no one wants to play with me also. im feeling left out.

I genuinely don’t understand why people think being “popular” means they can do whatever they want to people. Today this girl kept pulling me close and hugging me literally the entire day even after I kept telling her I was uncomfortable. Every single time I tried moving away or saying “please stop,” she’d just laugh and go “I love you, so I can hug you,” or “I love you, so I can hold you,” like that magically made it okay. It didn’t feel sweet. It didn’t feel caring. It felt suffocating. And the worst part is everyone around us acted like it was funny because she’s popular and loud and “friendly.” Meanwhile I was standing there feeling trapped because no matter how many times I said I didn’t like it, nobody took it seriously. People only care about boundaries when the person crossing them isn’t someone everyone likes. I hate how people think affection automatically cancels out discomfort. If someone says they’re uncomfortable, that should be the end of it. (Can’t finish)

I’m so disgusting it’s not even funny. I did something totally gross to my father and my mom and dad had a fight about it. My mom then revealed she was begging for a divorce for 3 years but my dad refused. They had fighting like this sometimes but this time it was my fault. I knew it was my fault and that feeling of shame and embarrassment is so painful. No one’s talking to me anymore in my family and I don’t blame them. I haven’t even apologized. I’ve spend my whole life blaming everyone and everything around me but this opened my eyes. I haven’t even apologized yet. I’m so scared of what a disappointment I am. I just want to be successful and get good grades but that’s already painful. I’m loud and annoying to my friends or the people I want to be close with but I can’t help myself I just want attention and to be noticed. I just want someone to see me struggling and spend all there attention on me. And it’s wrong I know it but.. god I just want to die..

To start, I am autistic and very mentally ill. I struggle financially and with identity, amongst everything else. I sort of just wish I could find an older guy who would take care of me I guess. Like a dog. Like I want to be petted, praised, I want cute clothes and accessories, I want to go on walks and go places. I want car rides. I want a collar and not have to do any thinking on how shit my life feels. I just want to play the role as a dummy while I'm adored. My family doesn't get it, and I feel weird for it.

Since i dont this to be too long im gonna use one example. I came up wearing a shirt with bishop sleeves where the sleeves fell down your arms and the back and front moved with it. As soon as my grandmother saw it she told me that it look wrong and that she didnt like it. I didnt care because my grandmother acts like that and decided to just eat something small for breakfast because we're leaving soon. My grandfather comes aout and does this scoff-sigh thing that he dies when he's disappointed or mad but hiding it. I don't mind again. My mom walks up and doesn't completely mind about my shirt- just that i dont wear stuff like that often and she was suprised. My grandmother then yelled at me a bit later and said that i should change and my mom didnt wanna disagree with her mom and yelled at me too. So i thought i could do something im comfortable with so i wore a hockey hoodie. They yelled at me again and told me to wear something nice. They still yelled about what i wore but let it go

hayyyyyyyyy, so tired at everything, myself, school and even my phone don't get along, tf is this continuous bootloop, don't even have a money to buy new one or even afford to have a repair, cant even have a courage try to find a Job, even stress at my thesis right now, don't know what to do anymore, gusto ko ng bumalik sa pagkabata, pagod na pagad nako pls

Thank you to the poster of the hamster story, made me laugh.

I like the people that dont make me feel so odd or strange. I like when I can actually have a person talk to me and not make it feel like I am a reject or that something is wrong w/ me. Ya I get it I may come off as annoying or for some reason or another ppl dont like me. I figured this out a long time ago, but it makes me happy when, even if ppl sense something off w/ me, that they still talk to me. I get I am not everyones cup of tea or that I am controversial one way or another, it still gives me a sense of relief that even then ppl can still have a conversation w/ me. The ppl that I talk to know what I am talking about just saying it makes me happy w/ the ppl that accept me for my annoyances or off-putting ways..

Title: Why most people are stupid (and that's okay!) with some fake reassurance that I'm equally as stupid and we should come together in spite of our narcissism for the good of our panopticon

I dont want to slut shame ppl but jeez my frens in my old schl have NO self respect. They cant have fun w/o drinking or alcohol and theyre 17 and my best fren was proud of the fact that she was the last person in our social circle (other than me and another girl) to give head to somoene. THATS NOT SMT TO BE PROUD OF?!!! LIKE???

life just got worse. I sh'd. or tried to. I used this blade I found on the ground of school. and I scratched it against my hand. I tried to feel something. anything other than this aching fucking pain. I almost used scissors to cut myself in Spanish class today, but I caught myself. I don't want attention. I HATE attention. i feel pathetic. as if nothing has changed. the medication feels like its getting worse. these suicidal thoughts are going and I feel as if one day I'll be gone. if one day I'll be away from this earth. I had two mental breakdowns this week, and it was horrible. when I told my mom, she focused on the fact that I cried over my friend not being here for a week, saying "if you worried so much, then why didn't you just text her?" BEAUSE I WASCYRING HLELO??? I don't get it. she glazed over the fact that I had a mental breakdown TWICE. she also doesn't think being nonbinary exists. great. just fucking great.

it feels like none of my friends actually like me bc like none of them seem concerned or phased by me admiring I attempted less than a week ago and someone in my friend group told me to kms. and like, dude I just tried to. idk I feel like I'm just overreacting even tho I know I'm not. only two ppl really cared when I told them I attempted and that was my bsf and my situationship. I have a literal depression diagnosis and my mom accused me of just being lazy and after I attempted and got out of the hospital she found some of my school work unfinished and accused me of trying to kms to get out of school. The one time I attempt it just feels like no one cares. all my friends will ask for my input on things and then not listen to me and I've been repeatedly cut off for months by basically everyone. its just so tiring when the people who claim to love you don't even listen to you and ignore you half the time.

I feel so stupid for it, I dont even know how to properly connect with people anymore. All of my friends feel distant and I am like, SCARED of them. Last time I had a partner I became terrified of the intimacy we had which wasnt even that close. We only kissed, and that was enough to send me into a spiral where I avoided school, started feeling sick with anxiety about seeing him and such. I went from loving him and not wanting to be apart from him to becoming sick with fear every time I thought about him. I don't do my work even though I know I should and could, and I dont focus in class. I feel distant from everyone. Like I genuinely wouldnt care if they left. And I often wish I never met some of my closest friends. Not because of anything they did, purely because I just dont want friends. I feel so stupid for all of it. Im failing my classes, im going to get fired from my job, and i feel like a piece of shit knowing I could fix it if I tried but I just dont im like trapped inside me.

I was married at 18 to a 29 year old man. It turned abusive and violent. I had to flee and while I'm home now and safe, it doesn't feel like that always still. I feel the dread still of an outburst or the constant eggshells. I'm processing the things done to me and the worries everyone else had while I was trapped in a fucking basement in the middle of nowhere Canada, married to this predator. My parents and I have always had a complicated relationship, but I know they love me and they saved my ass on my escape back to Ohio. Some things echo in my head and I don't know how to deal with them such as one of my parents asking what is the longest I'll go without answering messages just in case. I want to get back into therapy. I want to talk, but I know the things I hold are disturbing. My parents apparently wondered, almost daily near the end, about how long they would have to go without a response to know they should start searching for my body cause they thought my ex would murder me.

I wrote my suicide note last night. I don’t even know where to go from here, Im scared to die but Im also scared to live. My life has become an endless loop of fear and sadness. How much more am I supposed to take? Is it selfish to feel this way? Idk.

I’ve been clean from SH for month and my life had finally felt good again I’ve been feeling happier and better but I just had a break down and I SH and it was bad.

I have this friend where I’d be the happiest to around with. But the second i tell her something i reallly REALLY love like ocs and my favourite media, she'd respond so underwhelmingly, like woah, thats so cool, and etc. I dont wanna mind it that much cause she's my friend yk, and she told me already that she's not good with responding, but at the same time thats how she respond when she is not interested so i overthink a lot. We are two peas in a pod but we also haven't known each other for that long, so I understand why im having a difficult time processing emotions. But I do wanna fix my problem without seeming too sensitive and insecure, i wanna reflect and do better and not just overthink the entire time, yk.

I fucking hate myself, I hate being a trans man, I'm tired of people wanting me dead, I'm so fucking tired, I'm seriously going to commit, I'm only here because I have an amazing mom, but I'm seriously tired. I fucking hate everyone in this god damn world, whoever is reading this I hope you know your FUCKED! This world has fucked you over, and you in general are a fucked up person, NO ONE DESERVES HEAVEN. EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO TO HELL! I'm fucking sick of it all, everyone should burn, and you just disagree because you have not seen all the terror that comes with the existence of humanity.

i’m fifteen pounds lighter than my friends but i look twenty freaking pounds heavier and i’m simply sick of it.

everyday is kind of the same day for me. honestly, i wished that there was a small spark in my life. i wished to find that person who'd give me a small spark. not a whole fire which either is too much or it burns but not lit out like its not even thinking to light up. when will i stop feeling this way?