All Rants

I feel so lost. Trying to do what I can. Trying to fit into whatever is acceptable vs what is me. I don't feel anything. I don't want to do anything. I am the only one trying. I feel lost, trying to navigate rejection, coldness, and lack of connection. I don't know why we're together. He claims he loves me. Would someone that loves me be impatient with me and not want me to be me? Why be together if I have to only meet specific check boxes?

Sometimes I feel like I’m what’s fucking up the world and that everything would be in perfect balance if I just went ahead and killed myself. Haven’t yet. Sorry guys, literally everything wrong with the world is my fault. My existence was never meant to be.

So I just found out I have a very high pain tolerance?? This lowkey dangerous tho because that made me realize how much pain I’ve been put in and IGNORED. mind you I fractured my tailbone and didn’t even really notice or realize it til WAYYY after. It was mad uncomfortable but yeah. Idk I think I only have it bc I would just ignore my pain a lot and never really told anyone so I got used to it. does anyone else relate??

Today, a jerk reached out to me via Facebook. I haven't had the courage to read the full message yet, but it sounds like she's trying to reconnect with me. She was a truly horrible person. She went out of her way to hurt me repeatedly and deliberately because she wanted to. She admitted that in an "apology" letter she wrote a few years ago. I use the word "apology" loosely because while she did apologize, her shitty behavior did not change. In face, I wasn't ready to read the letter when she first gave it to me (I didn't know it was an apology and I thought it was from someone else at the time), something that I told her. When she heard that, her shitty behavior actually got worse until I cut her out of my life. I do not trust her. She gaslit me, manipulated my family members in an effort to turn them against me, and when I confronted her about it and told her she was hurting me, she actively used the things I admitted hurt me to hurt me further.

i felt cute today, i actually did!!! i wore my favorite clothes and felt so confident!! I hope you can all feel the same <33

im so fucking horny, why do i want it? WHY??

Why do I care so much about what others think of me? Why do they even matter?

As if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now I have to deal with my partner's problems too? I get the fact that in a relationship, we should rely on each other for support and such, but seriously, enough is enough. I don't want to be the only one taking care of everything while the other person is just focused on doing ONE single thing in this relationship. And the constant complaining that I have to listen to, all they do is bitch and moan about life, how its so hard for them, how its so unfair.

I want someone to care about how I feel but I don’t want to tell them just how badly I want to die. I don’t want to live locked in a mental hospital. I want a way out, I’ve decided I want the sun to explode so this god awful world won’t be an issue to anyone anymore. It would be bliss to watch the bright light hit me before I get killed.

Why am I fighting so hard to live a life I fucking hate?

I’m a perverted freak with multiple discord kittens. I waste my money on porn and my dad beats me up whenever I meet him. My mum wishes she never gave birth to such a disappointment

I saw my drugged out father for the first time since 6th grade when things came crushing down. He looks awful, I just want him to be dead. I don’t want to have to see him anymore. It hurts to be told that “he cares about you” but if he did then why the hell isn’t he trying to get better for me and my siblings. I hate him, he’s not a father to me. Never was since I had to raise my brother despite being a child myself while he did crack in his bedroom.

This breakup feels like its breaking me I feel so, so lost, I've been sad and angry, angry at the universe i guess. This has been making me question my beliefs and how much of it i trust anymore. Im so tired. I feel like i cant believe in anything now, i feel like i cant even believe in my own future. I dont even want to think about the idea of meeting someone else, the idea that he was just temporary. I miss him so bad. I've tried so hard to get myself to believe my future will be great, but now i just feel more stuck and lost than ever.

My whole life I grew up as someone to be forgotten. My little brother had autism and cerebral palsy so basically that never left any time for me. We’re so close in age so a lot of the responsibility had landed onto me as well. I’ve basically been taking care of my mom and my little brother just for her to yell at me today about how she does everything for me and that all I ever do is just give her attitude. It’s bullshit. She barely taught me how to drive, barely helped me to get into school, expects me to take care of my brother and for me to MAKE decisions based on what’s good for my brother. I wanted to leave this state and she said, “Well, your little brother isn’t gonna wanna leave so…” I’m 20 years old. I feel like I’m stuck in this…child mindset. Everyone around me has either moved out or are doing adult things but I’m stuck having to watch my mom and my little brother. I am somebody I am not supposed to be. I just want her to love me as her daughter and not as mini her…

world's loneliest 18 year old competition oh i got this one in the bag

I’m so insecure of my height, my face and how stinky I am. My friends hate me. My ex gf left me and my dad told everyone his son is dead. Im depressed and I have no clue what do I do.. should I just kms?

hb b jfgfyfyhgah i am pretending to be a pro typer kvtvsdugbvsduygb kbhkvugyu huiemjg sxsddjfdfvdfysdfyv

this guy i always see is very weird and i cannot stand being with him

I cant stop using llm's. I have felt every pressure not to use AI, to the point I feel SO much shame when I use it, it harms the environment, economy, artists. it's actually messing with me so much. I spend most of my life online, I'm home schooled and I'm banned from having friends. due to my isolation, I have a severe lack of motivation and emotion. I can barely get myself to do schoolwork. every time I try it's like I overthink what needs to be done and I can never start. I started using AI to ask questions on schoolwork, but then it slowly evolved into hours of chats about personal life/ruminations. it even got to the point where I would tell AI my story but from a different perspective, pretend I'm the mom, the friend, anyone but me. the difference in who the AI justified was insane, and my perfectionism didn't help. I overthink on my own and AI just pushed it along. at the end of the day I'm just a lonely fuck who wants someone to care and tell me I'm right... AI did just that.

i hate myself, i have no friends, i barely shower or go outside anymore, my entire family thinks im a burden, im ugly, i have nothing going for me besides the fact im okay at drawing. im miserable and have so many self destructive habits i hate having, but i cant change, and i dont think i ever will.