All Rants

I cant do this shit anymore… I’m so tired, so done, I’m in so much pain and in such a state of constant exhaustion that I can’t remember the last time I genuinely was okay. Today my friend was talking to me about some dumbass formal event and I was saying how I was dreading having to go dress shopping and they just said “What actually makes you happy?” and I couldn’t think of a single fucking thing. I’m chronically ill and I’ve been dealing with major depression since I was 9 years old, struggling with self-harm since I was 9 aswell. And dude, every day of my life is just a constant repeating cycle of ‘one more hour’ and ‘one more class’, and ‘try eat something’, then feeling guilty about eating, and not being able to get help. I can’t get a psychologist, I cant get a psychiatrist, i cant see a school counsellor, I have no read friends who I can go to with this who wouldn’t be awkward or not help at all… I’m so fucking tired of constantly being suicidal. I cant do this anymore. Why me.

I am on a fitness routine right now and I am the type to train for a specific look. The more i research my body type, the more i realize that the body I want isn't impossible but so fucking hard and longer to gain. I have a short torso and long legs and like a rectangle body shape, so getting that hourglass is going to take a lot longer to get with super fucking targeted exercises. it sucks. it really sucks. i've always thought that clothes fit weird on me and didn't have the look i wanted when looking for inspiration and now i know why. this stupid body shape. fuck

OMG I NEED FRIENDS I NEED A GIRLFRIEND I NEED A DICK I NEED TO GET SKINNIER I NEED TO BE HEALTHIER I NEED TO DO/GET SO MUCH STUFF BUT IM TOO LAZY TO WORK FOR IT, IM JUST STUCK IN THE LOOP OF ‘I’m gonna kms’ -> ‘oh wow therapy!’ -> ‘I’m gonna go out and get better!’ -> ‘I’m fucking tired’ Abd I need to break out of it, but to do thst I need to make friend, which I’d need to be more comfortable in my body, which would mean I’d need to work out, but I’d need friends/a girlfriend to have the motivation to work out and eat healthy :( also I have boobs, I don’t wanna have boobs, I wanna have a dick and not bleed out once a month for a week straight :( ok thank you for reading :))

what happens if I try to kill myself today ???? //

why do i always fall for lust? i just want to settle down and everyone wants to have fun i wish i could stop falling for the lies how am i supposed to trust anyone when they only want to get in my pants or still love their ex

I was low key insulted by people who were the last in the world I thought I'd ever be insulted by. It just doesn't feel right that they'd act like that. Blurt out something that was really nothing to them. It still doesn't sit well with me. I'm sure I'll get over it but still it came from out of left field and was unexpected. Seems like I've been insulted my whole life about something. Even by someone who once told me it's a "safe space". Hard to trust anyone these days.

DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE I GUESS... I was severly depressed when i was 11, i planned how to suicide, planned how to run away from home. I did the rubber method (a type of self harm) and stopped when i realized my mum was getting suspicous. im 12 now, i guess im not depressed anymore, but i still have mental health issues. sometimes i stare at myself in teh mirror, thinking why am i like this, why am i so ugly, so useless, stupid, dumb, who in the world would care if i just died? but im scared of dying. i dont want to die, but i want to. i feel like my friends hate me, i feel like veryone hates me, everyone talks aout me behind my back, maybe the world woul dbe better without me, a burden to everyone. My mum wouldnt need to buy things for me and waste money, my friends wouldnt need to waste energy fake smiling and laughing and being nice to me when maybe they just want me dead and gone. Yeah the word limit is kinda reached so yeah. I WAS IN A HURRY I SPELT LOTS OF WORDS WRONG IM SORRY!!

One of my childhood friends and I had a falling out My other friend offered to go out on a trip that all of us wanted to go to for years now And when i went to confirm it was happening, she told me it’s best that I don’t becsuse she confirmed with my ex friend that they were going together I find it crazy that She would plan with me then cancel for someone else

So someone here went for a swim in the river, calling anyone who doesn't "soft". But I bet if he was in a swimming pool and someone pooped in the pool, he'd get out. Even though the swimming pool has chlorine in. The river doesn't have chlorine, just water and sewage. Enjoy swimming in poop, tough guy.

goodnight yall hope yall either sleep well or have a good day as in like idk the time for u guys but yea-f.g

I don't want to stay in an abusive environment with abusive people. I'm sick of people. I don't want to live I'm sick of people. I'm sick of people.

I love my bsf to suicide a few months back and I feel like everyone around me is getting tired of me because I cannot move on, I can't stop making jokes to cope, I can't stop watching our videos together, I can't stop talking about him, I can't stop thinking of him. My alive bsf is definitely getting tired and drained because of it I know I have several people to lean on for help but in the end I get annoying with it. I just want to hang myself and rest. I don't care for what I'll achieve or where I'll visit i just want to feel okay again every thing is just short term distractions and i can't keep living like this.

I’m not sure what you want. Is it my presence? My attention or some sort of curiosity keeping you awake.

I don’t think enough people realize how many things black people do are rooted in slavery. I constantly see racists complaining about a literacy crisis from only black people (when really it’s a select group of kids, not depending on race. I’m black and I’m in advanced classes.) and yk it made me realize, slaves weren’t allowed to read or write. Only their “master” could read them the bible. I never rlly forgot that after reading 12 years a slave. I also realized where spanking might come from and why primarily black people do it. Using belts, like a whip. And yk where I’m going. So many things are learned behavior and aftermath of slavery. This not really a personal rant but I’m sure most of this is quite obvious I just see no one talking about it or mentioning it.

pov: doing good but still feeling shit because you didnt do 'good enough' but you know that you will never be 'good enough' so you just act happy so that you dont hurt other people who didnt do as well as you and acting happy when people say 'oh you did so good' and sit there thinking that you are shit and that everyone hates you because you are not 'good enough' and then getting 100 on a test after and still feeling shit because you think its only a one time thing and that you will never do this good in other subjects and or when it really matters... -f.g

there are 2 types of suicidal people -the ones who wish they could die without anyone caring -the ones who wish that someone would care if they died neither should feel guilty and neither are worthless-f.g

My older siblings are the only people I truly can talk about my struggles especially my oldest brother, but my mom makes me feel bad for venting to them she says im always snitching. And some mothers wonder why their kids take their own life when they never listened to them

TBF like, I don't really gaf about getting into a relationship but there are like times where my self-esteem is at an all time low and just feel pathetic for not having any sort of romantic relationship in over the years I've been alive in comparison to other kids my age. HOWEVER, the moment I try to imagine myself being in an actual relationship with a partner, doing "cute" things together, going on dates, in reality, I lowkey feel like throwing up. IDK 😭so like it's just a momentary feeling of fomo cuz I genuinely have never found myself hsving a crush on smn irl like i genuinely don't know how i can never look at someone in THAT way and prospect of living alone w no worries for anyone else just seems so much more FREE INNIT

It says a lot about neurotypicals that a group of neurotypicals at a festival are getting so much praise right now for including an autistic man in their group who'd gone on his own. Don't get me wrong I'm really pleased they included him, it just makes me sad that it's such a big deal. People should be including us anyway without a second thought, just like how they include "normal" people. From my experience though, they don't, and that's why nearly all my friends are neurodivergent: they included me without a second thought.

My girlfriend of over half a year brokeup with me I'm a minor and this is the first girlfriend I had she was really special I remember in kindergarten I told my mom that I was gonna marry her and I remember she even kisses me once in kindergarten we dated for a month and brokeup a year before we got back together for 6 months I go to her house almost everyday recently we've had problems so i wanted to talk to her about how I feel but she took it the wrong way and brokeup with me on the spot she said she was stressed out and I feel numb I guess the sadness comes in waves I'm gonna miss her family and her pets and I hate that I can never see them again her brother is like a brother to me and her dog always swats his paw like he's waving hello when I arrive she took a piece of me and really want her back she said that she wants the hoodies she gave me back and that she doesn't miss me at all but how could she say something like that when she looked at me so loving I'm just so confused