All Rants

I'm depressed, I've always been my first motivater and never gave up because of this show called Ninjago which I really love but was billed from my uncle who's a few years older about how it's a baby show so I hid my watching from them, starting January first I was on a road with god to try and become better since last year I was a Lukewarm and I sinned terribly on January first and just became depressed from there, my family thinks I'm just lazy since I dont wanna do anything but I can't do anything, I feel like life has no purpose anymore and should just live through it, they think this because I laugh, happy, and everything and thinks everything is okay, but 2 years ago I was suicidal when I was 8 so I had to hid it to stop all the treatments, I'm emotional numb now confused, I realized I was in spiritual warfare and did a 3 a.m. prayer and I actually feel happier, I have a confidence boost so no idea what to do now, should I continue or just end it here?

My moms and her boyfriend has been together since 2022 and he has his own 3 kids who lived with us only in the summer, I was young and I didn't think I needed the space and I thought living with them was fine, but I hated them because they never showered and was weird so I bullied them, stopped last summer when I just ignored them, but Now their living with us again this summer and I don't want them to, I'm older and very matured and I want them to sleep in the living room this time, they slept in my room for the past 2 years since his oldest autistic son doesn't want them there and I let them, now I want my old space and when he FaceTime them I was gonna talk to my mom about them sleeping in the living room, I don't want them in my room since it's my space, I already know their gonna force them in my room so should I go live with my dad that I barely have a relationship with or not?

I’ve been feeling really selfish and off put lately. I’m not entirely sure why. But every little thing feels huge, and things people do seem worse than they are. I know people don’t really mean to ignore me, it’s just bad timing. But it happens a lot, and it hurts my feelings. I know they don’t mean it, but I get so defensive and sad about it. I’ve even been stepping outside of my comfort zone trying to be more likable. I don’t wanna be forgotten, and I try really hard to do things that other people like, so people hopefully hang out with me more. But it seems like the universe just laughs in my face. Once I get good at something everyone else likes, something goes wrong. Whether I’m too behind to keep up, the creators are weird, or it’s suddenly slop. And then I’m left behind again. :c

my boyfriend is the type of person to constantly be on his phone, i'm not a jealous person but I have seen almost everything in his phone. he's not cheating or anything, he's just always on his phone. however, before this weird period, he did like to spend a lot of time with me, like watching movies and all of that. however, recently he's been acting really distant. almost never talking to me and constantly going out with our friends and acting weird when I want to come along too. like he doesn't want me to come. I feel so lonely lately. I don't know what to do and i'm pretty sure our 3 year long relationship is about to come to an end. i cut off all of my family and friends and I have no one and no where left to go. i've been feeling so hopeless and down and whenever I tell him how i'm feeling he doesn't understand despite being in the same boat in past relationships. I don't know what to do and It's making me crazy and extremely depressed. sorry for this poorly worded vent.

I fucking hate everything, nothing seems fun to me anymore. I’m so lonely it disgusts me, I have one friend that I consider close and trustworthy. And guess what, she has another friend who she likes more. Literally what’s the point of living. Nothing is fun, all we do is work eat sleep repeat.

Am I the only one that’s so fucking insecure I can’t even watch movies or shows with beautiful female main characters. Pls I’m going insane, it makes me so envious and angry seeing how pretty one can be. I’m so disgusting and ugly omg I’m gonna die

I can't feel anymore and I can't tell anyone bc they'd just get mad for not telling them sooner but I dont know what to do and all I can think about is fucking drugs. I don't do them but they're all that's on my mind, an escape, to feel something, ANYTHING. I can't tell people what I like or my opinions without the risk of them using it against me, for example: "Why the fuck do you listen to screaming? That's not music!" or "But trump is good! He's trying to fix America!" no, just no, he's a fucking rapist, homophobe, racist and think of any other bad qualities and it's him. Anyways, please try to stay alive, it'll be worth it, even if it doesn't seem like it now, I love you.

I am so tired of this, I feel like every path has been a dead end, things get good for it to go worse again. Sometimes I wonder if I was cursed before I was even born, Like I was put into this world with the sole purpose of being some horrible pawn of god, or whatever all knowing, all powerful deity wants me for. I was my dads only daughter and I don't wanna die, I wanna carry HIM on, not myself but I wanna keep going for him and my best friend, they didnt die for me to throw a fit and give up, but im not that strong.

im getting laughed at. no one wants to play with me also. im feeling left out.

I genuinely don’t understand why people think being “popular” means they can do whatever they want to people. Today this girl kept pulling me close and hugging me literally the entire day even after I kept telling her I was uncomfortable. Every single time I tried moving away or saying “please stop,” she’d just laugh and go “I love you, so I can hug you,” or “I love you, so I can hold you,” like that magically made it okay. It didn’t feel sweet. It didn’t feel caring. It felt suffocating. And the worst part is everyone around us acted like it was funny because she’s popular and loud and “friendly.” Meanwhile I was standing there feeling trapped because no matter how many times I said I didn’t like it, nobody took it seriously. People only care about boundaries when the person crossing them isn’t someone everyone likes. I hate how people think affection automatically cancels out discomfort. If someone says they’re uncomfortable, that should be the end of it. (Can’t finish)

I’m so disgusting it’s not even funny. I did something totally gross to my father and my mom and dad had a fight about it. My mom then revealed she was begging for a divorce for 3 years but my dad refused. They had fighting like this sometimes but this time it was my fault. I knew it was my fault and that feeling of shame and embarrassment is so painful. No one’s talking to me anymore in my family and I don’t blame them. I haven’t even apologized. I’ve spend my whole life blaming everyone and everything around me but this opened my eyes. I haven’t even apologized yet. I’m so scared of what a disappointment I am. I just want to be successful and get good grades but that’s already painful. I’m loud and annoying to my friends or the people I want to be close with but I can’t help myself I just want attention and to be noticed. I just want someone to see me struggling and spend all there attention on me. And it’s wrong I know it but.. god I just want to die..

To start, I am autistic and very mentally ill. I struggle financially and with identity, amongst everything else. I sort of just wish I could find an older guy who would take care of me I guess. Like a dog. Like I want to be petted, praised, I want cute clothes and accessories, I want to go on walks and go places. I want car rides. I want a collar and not have to do any thinking on how shit my life feels. I just want to play the role as a dummy while I'm adored. My family doesn't get it, and I feel weird for it.

Since i dont this to be too long im gonna use one example. I came up wearing a shirt with bishop sleeves where the sleeves fell down your arms and the back and front moved with it. As soon as my grandmother saw it she told me that it look wrong and that she didnt like it. I didnt care because my grandmother acts like that and decided to just eat something small for breakfast because we're leaving soon. My grandfather comes aout and does this scoff-sigh thing that he dies when he's disappointed or mad but hiding it. I don't mind again. My mom walks up and doesn't completely mind about my shirt- just that i dont wear stuff like that often and she was suprised. My grandmother then yelled at me a bit later and said that i should change and my mom didnt wanna disagree with her mom and yelled at me too. So i thought i could do something im comfortable with so i wore a hockey hoodie. They yelled at me again and told me to wear something nice. They still yelled about what i wore but let it go

hayyyyyyyyy, so tired at everything, myself, school and even my phone don't get along, tf is this continuous bootloop, don't even have a money to buy new one or even afford to have a repair, cant even have a courage try to find a Job, even stress at my thesis right now, don't know what to do anymore, gusto ko ng bumalik sa pagkabata, pagod na pagad nako pls

Thank you to the poster of the hamster story, made me laugh.

I like the people that dont make me feel so odd or strange. I like when I can actually have a person talk to me and not make it feel like I am a reject or that something is wrong w/ me. Ya I get it I may come off as annoying or for some reason or another ppl dont like me. I figured this out a long time ago, but it makes me happy when, even if ppl sense something off w/ me, that they still talk to me. I get I am not everyones cup of tea or that I am controversial one way or another, it still gives me a sense of relief that even then ppl can still have a conversation w/ me. The ppl that I talk to know what I am talking about just saying it makes me happy w/ the ppl that accept me for my annoyances or off-putting ways..

Title: Why most people are stupid (and that's okay!) with some fake reassurance that I'm equally as stupid and we should come together in spite of our narcissism for the good of our panopticon

I dont want to slut shame ppl but jeez my frens in my old schl have NO self respect. They cant have fun w/o drinking or alcohol and theyre 17 and my best fren was proud of the fact that she was the last person in our social circle (other than me and another girl) to give head to somoene. THATS NOT SMT TO BE PROUD OF?!!! LIKE???

life just got worse. I sh'd. or tried to. I used this blade I found on the ground of school. and I scratched it against my hand. I tried to feel something. anything other than this aching fucking pain. I almost used scissors to cut myself in Spanish class today, but I caught myself. I don't want attention. I HATE attention. i feel pathetic. as if nothing has changed. the medication feels like its getting worse. these suicidal thoughts are going and I feel as if one day I'll be gone. if one day I'll be away from this earth. I had two mental breakdowns this week, and it was horrible. when I told my mom, she focused on the fact that I cried over my friend not being here for a week, saying "if you worried so much, then why didn't you just text her?" BEAUSE I WASCYRING HLELO??? I don't get it. she glazed over the fact that I had a mental breakdown TWICE. she also doesn't think being nonbinary exists. great. just fucking great.

it feels like none of my friends actually like me bc like none of them seem concerned or phased by me admiring I attempted less than a week ago and someone in my friend group told me to kms. and like, dude I just tried to. idk I feel like I'm just overreacting even tho I know I'm not. only two ppl really cared when I told them I attempted and that was my bsf and my situationship. I have a literal depression diagnosis and my mom accused me of just being lazy and after I attempted and got out of the hospital she found some of my school work unfinished and accused me of trying to kms to get out of school. The one time I attempt it just feels like no one cares. all my friends will ask for my input on things and then not listen to me and I've been repeatedly cut off for months by basically everyone. its just so tiring when the people who claim to love you don't even listen to you and ignore you half the time.