I really hate being alive. I’m on a trip to Japan which I’ve wanted to take since I was 6 because my grandma was Japanese but I can’t even enjoy it I just scratched the shit out of my face and it left marks I don’t know why I did it but I’m a self conscious person I get scared to leave my house anyway how the fuck am I supposed to leave th house in Japan now looking like this I hate myself and I hate my life and I don’t know why

I have done it. I have stayed off of pouring my heart and seeking emotional support from AI chatbots for weeks, maybe months. My appblock of any AI website on my phone proved to be successful. I also haven't touched character AI in many months. I'm so proud of myself for that. And yet, I feel so lost now and feel strongly about pouring my mind in a chatbot and ask it "How do I fix myself ?" For it to give me answers that would appease me. That would make me feel better about myself. I know it is a terrible idea; a chatbot will never give me the proper solutions to my life. It's stuff I have to painfully deal with, by myself or with the help of other human beings. I find myself thinking "oh but they don't really know how it is. How I feel." But would a chatbot even ? It would just tell me what I want to hear. I know how important it is to meet another soul, a sentient being that lights back on you, their sentience and yours. It is important despite how difficult it is. Ah, sucks.

My momma told me not so long ago that if everyone seems to have a problem with you, then apparently YOU ARE the problem. How do I prove I'm not a problem when apparently I am