My momma told me not so long ago that if everyone seems to have a problem with you, then apparently YOU ARE the problem. How do I prove I'm not a problem when apparently I am

Ok this is probably the worst time to post this considering how I have my exams the next sunrise which is a few hours from now and I really should prepare for it..... But I was scrolling through my phone checking whether or not I'm accidentally missing out on a friend's birthday and yes I ended up scrolling further. I stumbled upon a few writings I had posted before about a fleeting crush, or simply missing an old friend or just romanticising...life and this weird melancholic sensation embraced my chest with such proximity that almost made me...still. "This is beautifully written." That's what came into my mind when I first read it and the thing is back then I might not have thought that highly of what I posted but looking back I miss who i was...quite a lot. "I don't like who i am becoming" ,This feeling has stayed constant with me over the years yet somehow when my future self looks back at the past she has blamed a couple of times she is the first one to smile at her...to miss her.

I just want to wallow. No obligations, just rot in my bed until I feel better. I can't see past the cobwebs of the negatives in my life to find anything good to hold on to. I want to cry, my voice is quiet, and I've never been so desperately lonely.