I'm feeling insane today, the morning was great, the evening was hell. I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, ADHD and OCD all my life, now that I have hormonal issues it's even worse. I'm really scared about an OCD flare up. I'm not feeling like myself anymore.

i know just how terrible the idea of attempting murder against myself is. The problem is the thoughts come and never leave. Even if they go for a while, they do not leave. They'll come back after circling for a while. i hate myself every day more and more, and i hate that i do. All of this mixed with my beliefs just make me feel so awful... How can i feel like this believing in what i believe...? But i really have no control over these thoughts and feelings... i have no idea of what to do... Just want them to stop for damn once. i know writing this won't help on anything; no one will reach out, nothing will change. It's an anonymous platform, after all. i just feel like i'm going to explode sometimes. It's so much i want to bang my head against something, anything, to shut this thing up finally. i am sorry i had to become like this. i don't know what made me become this. i just hold onto that small hope that i will get out. If not today, another day.

im bipolar. im medicated or trying to be bc i snap easy at the ones i love and others around me. i tried lithium and it really did help but it made me so tired. but this crap im on now doesnt seem to be helping like at all. i dont want to be on anything really, i was just smoking mary j to help with things but no longer do that bc of personal reasons. it is what it is i guess but its not fucking great. i just want to be happy and "normal" without having to take some kind of medication to be that way. why cant my body produce the things it needs to normally?