Rant #2569

"im literally sobbing and there are so much tears running down my eyes and m yhands are trembling while typing this. I don't even know why I'm crying. I feel so fucked up I can't even sleep. I'm so tired. I'm so full. full of everything that's draining me. my dysphoria has increasingly gotten worse day by day and. it's even worse because I'm closeted. I feel like I just want to give up . everyday I always hope "I hope my eyelids stay shut this morning. I hope I don't feel my heart beating this morning. I hope I don't feel anything this morning. I hope I disappear this morning."I just want another life where I could be the version of who I hope and wish to be. I want to be a boy. I just want to vanish but it doesn't work. I can't find any possible way of disappearing without bloody tissues. I don't even know what to do anymore and i'm still crying. I can't talk to any trusted adult or anyone at all except this website because I'm not ready. this is my only hope.