Rant #2561

I'm so unlovable. Why did I turn out like this even though I'm only turning 13? Why do I know things I shouldn't and why do I accept failure so easily and move on so fast. Why am I mature for my age. I wanna feel like a kid but I don't wanna because that would make everything I did just to convince you not to leave useless. Don't leave me. Don't say I'm a pain in the ass. Don't hit me. Don't lock me in my room. Don't say I'm not doing enough. Don't make my hardships seem small. Don't make me think I don't need to have love expressed towards me already cause I'm mature. Please don't leave me. I love you but I hate everything you do to means yet I've experienced it for so long that now everytime I actually feel pain it feels bittersweet and nice that I want bad things to happen to me now. It's your fault I ache to die or be injured just to get the pity of people and it makes me look disgusting but satisfying.