Rant #2552

Gonna start with a bit of backstory. I've gone pretty much my entire life as the weird trouble making kid that never seems to get anything done. I was always getting called into meetings and was forced to see councilors. It always seemed like I understood everything else better than myself. Now fast forward a few years, I'm in highschool and my parents finally tell me I've had autism my entire life. I've gone years thinking I was just a loser and a weirdo, you'd think it would be normal or relieving to have a reason but it just made me self conscious, every moment of my life made sense and I hated it. I always saw myself as a normal person, what reason would I have not to? So now every time I struggle with it, it feels awful. I feel guilty being so depressed all the time, I've seen people lose their parents and be more composed than I am. I know it's the autism but I just can't bring myself to blame it. Why my parents hid this from me, I wish I could understand. I hate being autistic.