Rant #2519

i want to kill myself so bad, and it genuinely looks like the better side of life. if i die, then all of my suffering will be over. if i don't, then at least i'll be able to go to a psych ward or something similar of the sorts to get the help i need. i can't live like this anymore. constantly feeling depressed and drained, i mean. my best friend that i genuinely considered my home doesn't even seem to like me anymore while all of my other friends don't actually *know* me, know me.and my parents, well, they just don't get it. at least not my dad. my mom seems to actually be following with what my therapist said with how to accomodate me and the fact that i'm neurodivergent; my dad hasn't changed a bit. the only thing that's keeping me going is the fact that i'm getting good at debate, that i can speak and be passionate. it's nice to be able to be passionate about something when i feel so terrible all the time.