Rant #2508

I’m so disgusting it’s not even funny. I did something totally gross to my father and my mom and dad had a fight about it. My mom then revealed she was begging for a divorce for 3 years but my dad refused. They had fighting like this sometimes but this time it was my fault. I knew it was my fault and that feeling of shame and embarrassment is so painful. No one’s talking to me anymore in my family and I don’t blame them. I haven’t even apologized. I’ve spend my whole life blaming everyone and everything around me but this opened my eyes. I haven’t even apologized yet. I’m so scared of what a disappointment I am. I just want to be successful and get good grades but that’s already painful. I’m loud and annoying to my friends or the people I want to be close with but I can’t help myself I just want attention and to be noticed. I just want someone to see me struggling and spend all there attention on me. And it’s wrong I know it but.. god I just want to die..