I was married at 18 to a 29 year old man. It turned abusive and violent. I had to flee and while I'm home now and safe, it doesn't feel like that always still. I feel the dread still of an outburst or the constant eggshells. I'm processing the things done to me and the worries everyone else had while I was trapped in a fucking basement in the middle of nowhere Canada, married to this predator. My parents and I have always had a complicated relationship, but I know they love me and they saved my ass on my escape back to Ohio. Some things echo in my head and I don't know how to deal with them such as one of my parents asking what is the longest I'll go without answering messages just in case. I want to get back into therapy. I want to talk, but I know the things I hold are disturbing. My parents apparently wondered, almost daily near the end, about how long they would have to go without a response to know they should start searching for my body cause they thought my ex would murder me.