I'm so lonely. My mindset is horrible and it drips out of my body and everyone can tell how ugly I am inside. I'm not trusting, and I always feel like everyone hates me, but I'm too self-aware to seek reassurance, so it just simmers inside me until I get overwhelmed and ghost people. It's all cyclical and it's all my fault. I hate how people never ask after me or take an interest in me, but I know I'm not very interesting. I feel like I'm speaking a different language than everyone else, and people only understand half of what I say. I always say too little or too much. I'm frantic because I feel like I'm wasting my 20s. I feel behind compared to everyone else. I feel smarter than everyone else, but at the same time, I feel so jealous. I know I'm not smarter. I want to coexist with everyone, but I don't know how to be likeable even though I try so hard. I wish people understood my intentions. I wish I could change, but I feel burdened by circumstance. I'm putting off writing a final.