Rant #2354

Very embarassing posting here but I've forgotten how to vent in real life. Had to stop all contact with my dad. He's gone back into alcoholism and has become a violent, emotionally uncontrollable man slowly killing himself causing pain to those around him. He already died from it once (temporarily), yet he went back and I can't deal with it. There's still love because thats my dad, the guy I looked up to as a kid! But the lines between the dots on who he's become connected. This doesn't concern me much. I laugh about it, I've stayed levelheaded, thems the brakes. Shit sucks, we move. But it's making me recogniz my incapacity, my fear almost, in discussing my personal grief. I hate sympathy, getting told "damn that sucks" is worse than me processing it myself. At least when I talk to the void, I don't have to think about the voids social cues. I also don't want advice that you feel obligated to give. I wish non-spiritual meditations/reflections on these feelings were more common.