Rant #2324

I wanna hurt someone so bad or make them hurt themselves. I want to cut someone's skin open or have them do it for me. I know it's bad. I'd never admit this to anyone, but it just makes me excited in a weird/sexy way. I want to be able to act this out, I don't want to be some freak in a mental institution. But im just holding these urges back all the time. I even did it to myself and sucked the blood out. But I want to do it to another living person. It's not enough. I'm restraining myself constantly. It's killing me not being able to explain it to anyone at all. I'd let someone kill me if they wanted to ever go that far, I want to feel the euphoria. I want someone to reciprocate. I want to know im not the only person who feels this way. I want to get out of this stupid fucking place and go do what I want. I'm tired of all these boring fucking insignificant humans. If this ever got out, they'd just wanna put me on drugs to shut me up. I need it so bad