Rant #2323

I hate myself for being pretentious and insufferable to others. I make everything about myself, I'm so needy and whiny and false with how I posture to understand more than others, insecure about being less unique than them when I truly am. I find a way to make almost everyone dislike me, disgustingly. Or I'll take the opposite extreme, alienating everyone by being so kind that it's sickly sweet. I know I'm a hack, I don't claim to thoroughly understand anything at an academic level because I don't; I could never have that sort of skill, but my phobia toward being corrected leads me away from mentorship. I just don't have the energy to argue, I tell myself. I know I'm a pathetic coward, I can't create anything that's unique. I don't find anything to produce art for, just production. I wanted, I thought it was deeper but it probably isn't, to just reach some sort of waste away from utility. I only recently stopped falling for standard political pieces, but I'm still fake and lifeless.