Rant #2225

I feel so lacking and exhausted. I push people away, distance, and isolate. But then I know i need them the most. Its so hard to yearn and hard to ask for comfort. I say I hate jealousy and envy yet I indulge in that secretly and it disgusts me... I dont express it but I can feel it. The more I conceal that the more I feel like its not fair. Why does it ruin my perspective and why do I give up so easily. Honestly I cant get a grip