Rant #2186

My first love died. It would've never worked out between us but I never did stop loving her. This happened a few years back now but I've never fully gotten over it. I found out about it in a pretty weird and fucked up way. I smoked some DMiTri and instead of the typical effects, she appeared to me standing in the corner of my room. I knew instantly that she had died but wasn't able to confirm until the following morning. This past year I learned how to astral project (Yes, it is real for any doubters. Anybody can learn it with practice and patience). I have gotten quite good at it and can transport my astral body through time and space. Every night, I go back to our happy times and relive them. I know that this isn't the healthiest way to grieve. But I can't stop myself from doing it. I wish that I could stay in the astral plane forever. Not just to relive those moments but because of how mundane life feels now. How can I be expected to have a career when the cosmos? I'm ready to leave