Rant #2139

I have a crying problem. I know people (and science) say that crying is good for you, but maybe not always. I feel really really deeply and sad all the time. ive been like this since i was really young. the smallest things set me off. conversations, music (especially), literature, film... it hurts me deeply, but sometimes when im alone I make myself cry by exposing myself to these things. sometimes it makes me feel better, but sometimes it makes me feel worse. I dont feel happy. I yearn for the feeling of joy or peace in life, but im afraid it will never come. all I can think about is the future that I need to make, and the past mistakes I can never undo. crying lets me feel all the sadness, shame, regret, and yearning in the moment. but I do it everyday (multiple times), and I dont know if its healthy anymore. im crying now too. its too much and not enough