Rant #2055

i have feelings for my friend. i confessed to her a few months ago and she rejected me. we remained close friends after, and i was trying to get over her but couldn't really. this past month it felt like things might be finally changing between us. she texted me like a week ago asking me to come to her because she was feeling really anxious. i thought maybe she might be catching feelings for me too... she just posted an instagram story with what i assume to be her new boyfriend. i feel terrible right now. i hate myself for thinking we could be more than friends. i hate myself for getting angry at her. she already told me once that she only sees me as a friend. i should have listened to her and given us some space after that. it feels like everything i do i do to self-sabotage. i'm just so fucking done.