Rant #2028

why can't I be better. why can't i stop this habit. why must i do this to myself. why can't i just stop?? why can't i just be better. it shouldnt be hard. i shouldnt have even gotten this far in the first place. ive tried to stop so many times. i am so worthless. no one knows. should i tell them? they would judge me. they might think of me worse. no one can know. i just want to be back to how i was before. i wish this never happened. i wish i was better. why cant i be better. i am just so tired of this but i just cant stop but i should stop. i am so tired. ive been tired for so long. i just want to be fixed. i wish it never happened. my mind is so loud. my thoughts are so dark. this is never what i wanted. i just wanted to be happy and i was just curious. now i'm stuck here- trying to climb out but always slipping back into the darkness. i just want to be better, but i feel like i'm stuck in the dark.