Rant #2006

I haven't felt truly happy for 3 years. Oh, it's just school. No. You shouldn't be genuinely depressed craving for a quick end to it in 8th grade but being too scared to leave the 6 people you care about too much. Now today 3 years later, I feel like every happy moment is fake, and I play the part too well. Nobody catches on, but I catch on when others are slightly off. I wish someone would look a little too close at me and see some patterns. I don't want to be a bother, but I also want to enjoy my life. If I can't enjoy it, what's the point. I'm so tired. I want to just sleep and dream of my own happy little world where everything in my family went right, and it be one of those dreams that feel longer than how long you slept. I wish that was real. It always feels real because I feel something in those. I feel stripped of anything 99% of the time. I want to feel something for more than 5 seconds. Please. Make something I'm proud of make me feel that. Please. I'm so tired of faking it.